


Balance

by Serenechemnerd



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force ghost briefly, Mind probes, Sex, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7224190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serenechemnerd/pseuds/Serenechemnerd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey seeks to learn the ways of the Force.  Will it be with Luke in the light or Kylo in the darkness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Island

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Finally posting this fiction here. Original post on FF. Migrating might take me a little bit. Enjoy!

"It is time then." Luke sighed as he turned towards Rey on the cliff. He’d felt the changes in the Force and knew someone would be coming for him. He had felt the death of his friend at the hands of his own son, Ben, the one who called himself Kylo Ren now. He had felt the conflict in Ben for days leading up to the confrontation and he had felt Rey's anger and pain as she watched Han die.

Luke had felt her use that anger against Ben in the forest, and hoped that her early training would win over and he wouldn't lose another child to the dark side. And when he felt her balance her anger, calm her mind, he had felt hope for the first time in a long time.

But now she was here on the island, the island that she couldn't possibly remember and the thought made Luke sad. He frowned at Rey as he walked towards her.

"You have come to learn the ways of the Jedi?" He asked.

"I have come to figure out how I am doing these amazing things that I have no idea how I am doing them." She frowned. "I am not entirely sure what a Jedi is or does but you have answers to the questions I have. If those lead to the path of a Jedi, so be it." She squared her shoulders fully prepared to be sent away. Leia had explained Luke's choice to disappear after Kylo Ren’s assentation.

"Spoken like a true Ren." He smiled sadly at Rey and felt what he had feared so long ago.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked flabbergasted.

"It means that you are honest. It means that I will teach you as much as I feel I can teach you. But there is a history in you, in your blood that you do not yet know." He folded his hands inside of his robe and moved to take the steps down to the village. "And it will take time. Concentration, commitment."

"Whatever it takes." She rushed after him.

"Do not commit so easily to something you know so little about." He stopped and turned back towards her.

"I know that I feel something and it scares me. Sometimes it flows through me like a trickle. Sometimes like a raging waterfall but it’s always there. I know that there are few who can stop the impending darkness and yet I feel as if I am the only one who can stop it." She stopped becoming embarrassed at expressing the way she felt in words. It sounded brash and young and foolhardy. "I want to control it, instead of it controlling me."

"Controlling the Force isn't possible." Luke turned again to continue his descent.

"Then what is it that Jedi's do if not control the Force?" She asked bracing herself on the rock wall as she tried to keep pace with the Jedi before her.

"We bend it to our will. We use it but always remember that it is larger than us. That it flows through us and uses us for what we seek out in the universe. If you seek darkness, it will use you for darkness." He stopped to look out over the ocean again. "If you seek light, it will use you for light. But do not be mistaken into believing that you can control it."

Rey felt Luke's sadness coming off of him in waves. It was clear how heavily Kylo Ren weighed on his mind, even after all these years.

"So how do I find balance?" She asked staring at the man who might become her reluctant mentor. Luke looked at her then and smiled.

"That is for you to discover. I am a Jedi, I am not the balance but the light side. My darkness has cooled to a dull ache. But yours, I can feel the conflict in you. Just as I could with Ben. You have both the light and the dark."

"I think I understand." She whispered quietly, hoping that she did.

"Not yet you don't." He stated calmly, "but you will."

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren woke slowly; It was like swimming to the surface of a lake after jumping from a very high point. There were moments of panic where you thought maybe this time you'd never reach the surface and when you finally did your lungs were burning from effort, adrenaline, and lack of oxygen. The first gasp he let out was heard by no one on the shuttle as it sped towards the Supreme Leader's location. But the shock of consciousness was felt a few systems away on Yavin 4 as Rey began her journey to find Luke.

_You ARE alive_. The thought comes to his mind and he wasn’t entirely sure for the moment if the thought is his own or hers.  _The_  her that got through all of his defenses. _The_ her that seemed so unimposing and slight that he didn't really consider her a threat until he was wounded both mentally and physically when they battled on Starkiller. Not until his grandfather's saber crossed his did he truly feel the threat.

Kylo moaned as he remembered the blaster hitting him and the amount of damage he'd inflicted in his fight with FN-2187 and Rey.

_Rey._  He thought, thinking the name felt familiar and foreign all at once. He'd been in the minds of so many that he'd lost count. Men, women, alien. But being forced out of her mind and having her invade his, left him with more of a feeling of who she was than what she was called by her so-called friends.

_Kylo?_  The thought was definitely not his. A rush at the thought of a connection with her. A rush that made him follow the connection back to her.

_Yes._  His thoughts were short and fleeting. He scrambled to shut down the link, to think of the pain. There was no telling what that type of connection would bring.

"Sir. Calm down." Someone was saying as they adjusted things around him, Kylo just then noticing some sort of medical personnel leaning over him. "Calm down or we'll have to sedate you again." The person was saying. Kylo's thoughts started coming faster as he reached for the chaos that he was used to, replacing the calmness that had flooded him when Rey had said his name. The name he chose for himself, not the one forced on him by birth. It was a small thing but he held it in his mind fighting to stay conscious, to keep the thin connection. But the thoughts only served to rile him up. The medic looked at the monitors bleakly before reaching to sedate the injured knight.

"No." He ground out as he feebly pushed the needle away from his arm but the damage was already done. He barely had time to register that he's been injected before he passed out.

The next time Kylo wakes it is with a start. He was somewhere he doesn’t recognize, in a medical bay but where? he couldn't tell.  _Somewhere underground_ , the thought came. He moaned as the aches and pains became apparent. He sat up slowly, testing out what hurt and what didn't. The burn to his face was mostly healed, superficial at best although the scar would be there the rest of his life. But the blaster shot still was bandaged and he could tell it was raw from regeneration.

Hux stood outside staring at him while Snoke spoke about Kylo's future. Hux didn't care so long as Kylo was far from him and his troops. The man was increasingly unstable.

"You're dismissed." Snoke motioned Hux away with the wave of his hand. Hux bowed to the Supreme Leader and left. Snoke entered the medical bay and dismissed the medics, all of whom were swarmed around the machines and computers furthest from Kylo. "So you were unable to bring one measly girl to me?" His hard tone clear of his intent and bare with anger.

"She was stronger than I anticipated." Kylo admitted trying to stand, the cords and monitors constricting him. In a small fit he pulled them out.

"You know her ancestry, how could you be so careless?" He asked turning his back on Kylo.

"It won't happen again." He stood as upright as he could. The fabric of the shirt catching the bandaging and pulling. The pain made it easier to clear his mind of Rey.

"Good. Because none of your brethren are up to the task to take over your place." Snoke turned back to Kylo and gripped Kylo's throat through the Force. Snoke turned back to his apprentice and walked closer, menacingly, "See to it that you train one of them in case you make the same mistake again." Snoke waited a few moments, shifting his eyes to Kylo's before he let go. Sagging against the table Kylo tried to breathe normally. "And make sure it isn't the girl you train. She might be the ancestor of the Ren's but she is dangerous to our cause, to your life's work. Don't let her in." He warned.

"I understand." Kylo bowed his head slightly. "Where are we?" He inquired, still unclear since he was unconscious when they'd landed.

"This is what is left of Bormea Imperial Command." Snoke spoke in reverence, as if the place held some weight Kylo wasn't aware of, some memory of the past long gone. "I trust you to send for your best knights to begin their training. Your training will commence next week, after that blaster wound stops being reopened by movement."

"I will assemble the knights and begin the training." Kylo said before walking from the room.

 

* * *

 

 

"None of them will do." Kylo stood before the Supreme Leader after the first week of training.  “A few of them have leads on powerful Force users, it would be best to start fresh. Without the Jedi training endangering the process."

"You think this is the best approach?" Snoke asked, clearly suspicious of where this line of thinking was leading.

"Ka'Ren would be a suitable replacement for me should I fail you in the future but if I am to have a pupil, I do not want to have to fight the light side. I wish to explore the galaxy in search of someone who is already on the path to darkness and nurture that in them."

"Hum." Snoke stopped walking and turned to him. "If you believe you can find such a person, then I give you leave to search for them while you bolster the First Order on the front lines. They will be going to individual planets, you should soon find your pupil."

"I would like to stop at the spice mines and see if they have any promising Force sensitive people." He offered. "It is only a day's trip from the front lines and could prove just as useful."

"Fine." Snoke dismissed Ren. "Make sure you choose wisely."

"Sir." Kylo inclined his head slightly before leaving.

 

* * *

 

 

The wind whipped tendrils of Rey's hair around her face as she and Luke sat side by side, meditating near the cliff's edge. It had been weeks since Chewbacca and R2-D2 had dropped Rey on the small island. And the training had kept her mind occupied along with testing her body.

The meditation was difficult for Rey; to sit and be in the moment was incredibly difficult. The physical aspects of training had come easily to Rey; She was used to climbing around, to moving and fighting for every little thing in her life. What she wasn't used to was stillness and the companionship of someone as lonely and stoic as Luke.

Each day started with meditation, and it was the worst part of the day for Rey. Luke seemed to excel at it and she pursed her lips every time his voice rang out telling her to focus. Then the forms followed with her staff. Luke had originally objected having her train with something so uncivilized but after she'd managed to knock him to the ground with it once he'd granted her the use of it for early morning forms.

By the end of week three, Rey was beginning to think that that was all they would ever do: meditate and run forms. It seemed so familiar listening to Luke's commands as she changed positions.  Memories threatened to come flooding to the surface, but she forced them down, not wanting to know quite yet if Luke had abandoned her all those years ago on Jakku.

And finally on the fourth week Luke introduced moving objects with the Force. It was a test to see how the Force reacted to Rey. She had recounted how she'd called for the light saber on Starkiller base and overpowered Kylo Ren's powers to possess it for herself instead. It had make Luke curious but cautious.

"Take the stone from me." He reached out his hand with a small stone in it. Rey frowned trying to focus as Luke had taught her.

The stone didn't budge.

Furrowing her brow she concentrated more trying to move the small stone. "Reach out with your mind." Luke instructed.

Rey thought back to how she'd felt awaking in the snow after being thrown by Kylo against a tree and blacking out for a few moments. She closed her eyes to block out the image of the rock and everything around and tried to only focus on the rock. To feel its weight as it sat in Luke's hand. She breathed in and out relaxing her posture as he'd taught her during meditation. When she tried to refocus on the rock she was surprised to find that she could locate Luke with her eyes shut. She followed the silhouette to where his hand should be and she searched for the rock.

Imagining the rock as separate from Luke wasn't working, at least not at first because in her mind's eye it was one with Luke. It was part of him. She imagined the rock to be a different color, a different Force than Luke. Imagining she could send her Force out of her body, she reached out and tried to grab hold of the rock. It immediately fell through her imaginary grip. Sighing she settled herself and began the process again.

After a half an hour she was covered in a light sheen of sweat and her brow was furrowed even further with frustration and concentration.

"Here, let's try this." Luke said making her eyes fly open and meet his as he stood a few feet away. "I will hold the rock for 5 minutes and then lower my hand. See if you can hold it where I hold it out towards you." Rey nodded, not enjoying the sensation of not being able to do what was being asked of her.

Rey stilled her breathing and wondered how she would know when five minutes were up. Deciding that she would just hold the rock in her mind regardless of when he removed his hand would be the best practice; she closed her eyes once again and imagined Luke and the rock as separate.

Luke knew immediately when she had a hold of the stone in his hand. He smiled to himself knowing that the lightsaber going to her in the forest had been under extreme circumstances. He remembered vividly dropping master Yoda in the swamp several times before being able to call his own lightsaber to him when in need.

Luke lowered his hand and moved next to Rey and observed how strong a hold she had on the small stone. "Now call it to you like you would a friend.

Rey tried the visual without any luck.

Suddenly in her mind she remembered the maglock devices on the insides of the door mechanics and envisioned she was attracting the stone to her. That it was being pulled towards her irrespective of what it was or if it wanted to come to her. Not that it wouldn't want to, it was a rock. Within seconds Rey felt the small stone sting the palm of her outstretched hand.

"Ow." She curled her fingers around it.

"Good." He said. "Again." He took the stone from her and walked a few feet away.

They repeated this process over and over and over until Rey could call the stone to her without visualizing any of the aspects or faltering.

That night Rey collapsed onto her roll in the one room she shared with Luke without thought. She was asleep before she could remember to take her boots off. Luke observed it from the other side of the room and chuckled to himself knowing how difficult the first few days of Force training could be.

_A few more weeks of this and we'll start with lightsabers_. He thought folding his arms across his body and into the large armholes of his robe.


	2. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly building plot.

"Too old this padawan is." The ghost of Master Yoda was sitting on the other side of the fire from Luke. It was late into the night. Luke's conscious didn't allow for much restful sleep especially since Rey had joined him.

 "You said that of me when I was 9 Master Yoda." Anakin Skywalker had joined the meeting along with Obi-wan.

"And you see where that got all of us." Obi-wan mused, clearly still bent on teasing his padawan.

Anakin laughed. "She will do fine. She has the royal blood of Ren in her. She might not know her path but she is here for a reason.”

"Yes, yes. The reason is unclear to all." Yoda clarified. "The girl does not know of who her parentage is, best to keep it that way."

"Master Yoda, you know I can't do that." Luke said stoking the fire he'd built to stave off the winds chilly gusts.

"She will face your former student. She will be the one to straddle the light and the dark. It is a beginning with her." Yoda was confident in what he saw in the Force.

"How do I train her not to fight the dark side? All I have ever done is fight the dark side." Luke mused.

"You will have to let her seek out the dark side. Your part is to train as much of the light side as you can. She feels the call of Kylo Ren and the dark side. She hesitated when he offered to make her his student. She felt the draw of the power. She has power enough but she's untrained, much like you were Luke." Obi-wan stated as he 'seated' himself around the fire.

"How do I just let her go?" He pleaded. "How do I tell her to seek him out? I don't know how to fulfill that part of my destiny."

"You train her the best you can and then let her go." Obi-wan said simply.

"Her training is going well. Faster than I imagined." Luke stated standing as he said it, turning his back to the ghosts that had kept him company all those years. "She will soon leave and I will return with her. Return to the Resistance."

"Yes, it is time to take your place in the Resistance again." Obi-wan nodded his agreement. The other two men nodded.

"Father, what is your advice?" Luke asked. Anakin pondered for a few minutes before answering.

"Let her be who she will be. She has the Force, she is cool under pressure and she easily finds balance even without extensive training." Anakin smiled as he said it. "Don't completely discourage the passion. Discourage attachment and choosing something so wholly that she can't extract herself from it."

"How do you do that?" Luke asked amused by his father's statements. "How do you train that?"

"Ask her for more than she can ever hope to give and see what she does. It might not be something that you can teach her." Obi-wan said matter-of-factly.

"Her path has already been chosen, all those years ago when you separated her from this colony. From her family. You have already done most of what is required for her personality to be determined." Anakin said.

"Yes, the path the Forced showed us. Extract her just in time you did." Yoda said.

Luke nodded remembering dropping the small girl off on Jakku. She had screamed for her family. She had screamed that Luke take her back to the island, to her people. But there was no one to take her back to, they were all dead. He knew at that moment that the balance of the Force had been off. That something was about to happen, even if he didn't know that Kylo Ren was about to rise.

"Should I hide the fact that she is the only Ren left in the galaxy? That her legacy of guarding the first temple is in her blood?" Luke asked.

They all pondered the question, knowing that it would likely be the exact thing to drive Rey to Kylo Ren or at the very least the Knights of Ren.

"The moment will present itself. Tell her then." Obi-wan stated. The rest of the group remained silent on the subject, knowing more input was not necessary.

Luke stood. "Thank you master Jedi. Your council has been invaluable."

"You will leave once she is gone, back to the Resistance?" Anakin asked.

"Yes. Back to Leia. Her pain has almost been enough to make me leave, to comfort her now that Han is gone but she has a job and I have a job." His concern clear on his features.

"You will know when the time has come." Obi-wan stated. "And now we will leave you old friend."

"May the Force be with you." Luke said sadly as they evaporated into the night and he was left with a smoldering fire and a padawan.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun was setting on the spice moons and Kylo Ren sighed heavily as he left the last inspection. There had been a few promising miners but none that would be capable of being a Knight of Ren. Sure some of them were sent to the First Order but none would be accompanying Kylo back to the cruiser as his pupil. He was most disappointed and felt the pressure of choosing a pupil before the supreme leader did it for him.

None of his Knights were up to the task. Most of them were Force sensitive but not strong within the Force and he found their lack of ability stifling. Kylo returned to the lead ship to accompany the First Order out to the front lines. It was what the supreme leader wished him to do and he wanted to influence how things happened within the First Order.

Once aboard ship Kylo would take to pacing the bridge until he could no longer stand. He would absorb as much information as he could handle and as much physical exhaustion as his body would allow. It was the type of exhaustion that wouldn't create dreams. The dreadful type that would haunt him for the rest of his life: Children screaming as he cut their lives short. It was more than he could handle on most nights.

Tonight he had no such luxury of exhausting himself before returning to his quarters. In just a few days, he would be on the front line, making decisions with only a few hours of sleep.

Some nights Kylo would reminisce on how he came to be where he was, how he came to the dark side. It was the repression of all emotion that eventually would cause him to break. He knew he wasn't capable of keeping everything bottled up like the Jedi's did.

After lying in bed for hours Kylo roused himself and moved to review the front line attack strategy. In the end he fell asleep in a chair, reading about the Old Republic.

_He was falling into an abyss._

_It was a common dream. That he lacked control and that he was fated to do whatever was thrown upon his shoulders. There was a moment when he abruptly stopped from his fall._

_**Where am I?** His mind thought looking around. It was a basic room, a light shown where he stood and everything else was black. Everything else shrouded in the abyss._

_Rey stepped into the light and tensed._

_"Is this real?" She asked, looking around._

_"As real as it can be." He growled looking at the scavenger._

_"How did you get into my dreams?!" She exclaimed walking closer to him, clearly not understanding that this wasn't something either of them would want or choose._

_"How did you get into **MY**  dreams?" He stated as he looked down at her. He knew by the way she regarded herself that she'd started her training. She was more confident. And even in the dream world had her lightsaber with her._

_"I see you've started training with Luke." He stated as he reached for her lightsaber._

_"Yes." She said watching him with disdain as it floated over to him._

_"What have you learned?" He asked, remembering his own frustration, childish frustrations, with the initial training. He held the light saber, looked it over once before returning it to her._

_"That this is my birthright as much as it is yours." She stated brazenly staring up at him._

_"You know nothing of your origins." He guessed more than stated._

_"And your origins are muddied by trying to follow footsteps far outside your reach." She hissed, clearly annoyed._

_"You assume much." He stated, trying to keep his composure even knowing that they were dreaming._

_"And your emotions betray you. I can feel that you want to lash out. Go on then." She gritted her teeth and waited._

_"I am not some weak minded bucketbrain you can order about and manipulate." He balled his fists at his side._

_"Wearing that helmet all the time you seem more like a bucketbrain than any knight I've ever heard of." She spat out._

_Kylo laughed then. "Good. Good. So much hate in you. It will bring you to me someday."_

_"The only reason to go anywhere near you would be to rid the galaxy of your kind."_

_"You are made of the same conflict." He opened his hands as if it explained everything. "You are destined to cross my path again."_

"Ren to the Command Deck. Ren to the Command Deck." An electronic voice startled Kylo from his dream. Grunting he rose from his chair. He hated when Hux used the bots to summon him. Dressing himself, he thought back on Rey and how annoyed he felt that he could not make her his pupil. She would have been the best by far. But his attachment was already clear to the Supreme Leader.

He wound his way through the halls toward the CIC. "What is it Hux?" Ren asked through the mask, clearly peeved about the entire process of being summoned.

"We are coming up on the Resistance fighters of the inner rim by tomorrow. Here are your orders from Supreme Leader directly." Hux said handing him the pad.

"And he gave them to you?" He asked suspicious of the man's intentions.

"Yes." Hux stood at attention, like always. "You will assist in penetrating their defenses, should they actually have any."

"I will speak with Snoke myself." Kylo said handing the pad back to Hux.

"As you wish." Hux turned his attention back to his commanders.

"We know that after the destruction of the Republic, people are fleeing to any habitable planet but the one most concentrated with those sympathetic to the Resistance are located here." The general motioned to a small planetoid. "From our network of droids and spies we know that General Organa has sent reinforcements and supplies. They are almost completely defenseless at this point. We suspect there will be very little true Resistance when we arrive."

"The orders are to destroy all life." Hux stated. "Are we clear?" There were yeses all round. "Good. You're dismissed."

 

* * *

 

 

The weeks melted into months on the small island and Rey felt at peace. Her mind was quiet and her stomach was full on most days. She had a companion in Luke, even if he didn't speak with her much outside of their forms and training sessions. And outside of the one shared dream with Kylo she hadn't felt much pull of the darkness that Luke spoke about so often.

Lightsaber practice finally began somewhere around month 2, with Rey hesitant to even touch the thing again. She hadn't liked it the first time she'd touched it and she didn't like the feel of it in her hand for the first week of practice with the blaster ball. She felt it was unbalanced and far more dangerous than she'd like.

By month three Rey could reach out in the Force and locate things in her mind; General Organa, a tree, the remnants of Maz's bar as she began to rebuild, Maz herself. It was like being transported through the galaxy. Maybe that is why the dreams of the island and her home were always so vivid: because she was using the Force to actually find what she was looking for.

"Your training is going well." Luke commented one night after they'd eaten and settled around the small fire that always burned in the dwelling they shared. "What will you do with your training once it is complete?"

"Join the Resistance again." She replied without putting much thought into the question. "Will you accompany me?" Her inquisitive eyes catching his.

"Yes Rey I will be returning with you." He smiled. "The General needs me."

"How much more training will there be?" She asked wondering if it was closer at hand than she'd thought.

"It all depends on you. You can feel the Force. You have walked the empty towns the First Order has left behind in your mind. How much longer can you stay in good conscious?"

"I don't know." She bit her bottom lip thinking. "I am not sure how much help one person can be." She shrugged.

"And yet you came here to get me, one person, to come back to help." He smiled kindly at her. Rey shrugged again. "Tomorrow we will practice levitation and Force pushing. Get some rest."

For the first time at the island Rey had trouble getting to sleep that night. The thought of what she would be doing after training hadn't really crossed her mind much. She just assumed that she would rejoin the Resistance and help Finn and Poe and everyone. What else was there to do if not join the Resistance? The First Order was spreading like a plague across the galaxy, it wasn't a fight she could avoid for long even if she wanted to. Sighing heavily she practiced her breathing techniques and finally slipped off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

The galaxy wasn't large enough to hide all of the Resistance, Kylo knew as he swept through another town ridding it of all life. Town after town began to blur as they made their way from one end of the galaxy to the other. The tactic was sure to bring Luke Skywalker out of hiding or at the very least his young padawan.

It had been almost a year since Starkiller base had imploded under the weight of the star it tried to harness. Kylo Ren's scars had healed and he was on a murderous warpath that had no end in sight. Some of the days he enjoyed himself immensely, moving from town to town. Listening to the sickening pleas from the people to spare them for this or that reason. He relished the way the lightsaber made quick and accurate work of dispensing of the person. It was what drew him to the Force to begin with, the finely honed accuracy of either side.

Today he was frustrated that he wasn't able to locate that which he sought: to kill the last Jedi. But his plans were already in motion, plans that he would soon have to execute if he was still unable to locate his former master.

Each time he returned to the destroyer without having found Luke was enraging. Kylo would go to the prisoner blocks and assist in torturing any Resistance fighters that had been kept alive. Never once did they give up any useful information on the location of Luke.

Returning to his quarters Kylo wrenched his mask off and threw it across the room screaming in the process. He didn't want to have to continue with the plan. He wanted to strike Luke down. He'd wanted to strike him down before he'd taken any other students on.  _Rey_. The thought flashed before his mind. He stood straight, adjusting his clothing, and smirked. Maybe it was time to try to invade her dreams. Maybe she would disclose his location. Maybe he wouldn't have to be 'accidently' taken by the Resistance someday soon.

He dimmed the lights in his quarters and sat on the bed. Clearing his mind he thought of the girl. Her image swirled in his thoughts and he pushed it away. He reached out with his mind searching for hers blindly, without a sense of direction. The Force swirled in all directions. He found his mother easily enough, felt her react to the touch of his mind before withdrawing hastily.

He sat for hours searching for her. Hux tried to hail him twice before he furiously pushed buttons on the computer and denied any and all access to his quarters. After a few hours he laid back on the bed frustrated and exhausted and passed out more than he fell asleep.

_Rey stood on the cliff looking out over the vast ocean, dotted with small islands. It was always the same dream. The same comfort. Even now, when she was **on** the island itself, she still went there in her dreams for refuge._

_"You have got to be kidding me?" Kylo Ren's voice resonated very close to Rey's ears. She jumped and lashed out with the Force before turning towards him. "All of the places in the galaxy, and you're hiding here?"_

_"Go away Kylo." She said understanding this was a dream, especially when the Force did nothing to affect him._

_"No." He said coming to stand beside her. "I will find you."_

_"You said I'd seek you out, not that you would hunt me down."_

_"Yes well, I underestimated how long Master Luke could keep the truth from you." He looked down at the girl._

_"And what truth would that be?" She asked, almost afraid of what he might say._

_"You won't believe me even if I told you. I didn't believe it when Snoke told me." He crossed his arms in front of him and turned to look out over the ocean._

_"You're right I don't believe anything you say."_

_"So you're here." He gestured to the water._

_"Yes." She admitted, knowing he already knew._

_"You don't remember any of it do you?" He asked, sounding almost concerned._

_"I remember this." She nodded towards the ocean._

_"You don't remember your family here?"_

_"Why would my family be here?" She scoffed._

_"For the same reason you were here. You lived here. You protected this sacred place. Can't you feel it?" He smiled then. She shook her head. He rolled his eyes and sighed, "What do you feel?"_

_"Right this moment, anger, hatred, wanting to push you off the cliff to see what happens." She shrugged. He laughed._

_"No Rey. What do you feel about this Island?"_

_"Oh." She stopped and thought about it a moment. "That it belongs to me."_

_"Exactly." He grinned wildly at her. "The people who used to protect the first Jedi temple were called Rens." He started the story that Luke had told all of them around the fire during training. "They were an ancient society that believed there was a balance to everything. That the light and the dark were just there. And they weren't truly Jedi. If you asked any of them they wouldn't call themselves Jedi or Sith. No they were the protectors of the life Force of the galaxy."_

_"Then how can you call yourself a Knight of Ren? You destroy life."_

_"I am trying to bring balance." He stated, not wanting to have to explain himself._

_"How does destroying the republic bring balance? How does killing all of those in the villages bring balance?"_

_"I didn't come here for this." He said with a sweep of his cape as he turned and walked from the cliff._

_"Then what did you come here for?" She called after him._

_"I already have what I came for: your location. Run fast little Rey. I'm coming for you." He said._


	3. Scorch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey discovers what happened to her family.

Rey stood on the cliff of the island wrapped in a blanket and watched as Luke's x-wing left the planet, on his way back to the Resistance. Chewbacca had programmed in the coordinates before leaving Rey on the island. She sighed heavily feeling empty and numb.

_"You are the last Ren." Luke explained earlier that day as he explained what had happened to her family and why she'd been left on Jakku. "Right around when you were born I had discovered the first Jedi temple. In its library, there was a story of a race of Force sensitive people who lived in harmony, bringing together the light and the dark. It took years to find the fabled place. Unfortunately, I was blind to Snoke's watchful eye, waiting to see what we found. By the time I realized where the Rens would be, Snoke's spies had already figured it out, and troopers had been dispatched to exterminate such a huge group of Force sensitive people. When I arrived you alone were the only survivor. I found you among the corpses and took you to Jakku and I left you there with the scavenger who was supposed to keep you hidden."_

_Luke sighed as he continued. "I returned to Ahch-To, to see what was left of the first Jedi temple, and found Ben had found me with the other padawans. Snoke had convinced them that I had murdered the Rens because I was afraid that they would force their brand of the Force on the universe and eliminate the Jedi. Ben believed him. That was the first night I fought Kylo Ren. It was his assignation. The padawans that were his friends followed his lead. That was the night the Knights of Ren were formed, on this very island."_

" _I don't understand." Rey mumbled as tears began falling down her cheeks. She didn't even remember her parents but she felt their loss as he explained. She had always held out hope that they were out there somewhere._

" _When I returned to the Resistance I couldn't bear to look at Leia; and Han, well he just disappeared. We all fell apart because I couldn't bring Kylo back to the light side." Luke bent down to where Rey had collapsed on the floor. He took her in his arms. "I always meant to find you, to teach you about your family. But with Kylo Ren and the others searching the galaxy for me I couldn't risk leading them to you." Rey pushed Luke away sobbing._

" _Get off of me!" She mumbled._

" _The tales of the Knights of Ren were muddled and course. Nothing held their allegiance and I feared what Ben would do with that power if he found you. So I left you where you were. I abandoned you to that desert."_

" _Get out!" She screamed. "Stop talking. Get out. He told me this last night. I didn't believe him. GET OUT!" She spat, tears and snot running down her face._

" _Rey it is what was best." Luke said pitifully._

" _What was best?! You don't know that! I've spent all these years knowing, feeling that they would come back for me. And it was all a lie." She wailed. "They're all gone, all gone." She repeated over and over._

" _Rey we have to go." Luke pulled her arm._

" _No." She pulled back and stood in one movement. "No. I'll go nowhere with you."_

" _You'll be captured by the Knights of Ren!" He hissed, clearly losing his refined Jedi composure. He was scared. He didn't want to leave her to her fate even if he knew it was what he should do._

" _Leave the padawan." Master Yoda appeared across the room. "Her path is her own."_

" _Master Yoda, how can I leave her here knowing that Kylo Ren is on his way. What will he do with her? What will he do to her? I can't even fathom the amount of hate he's been carrying around."_

" _You knew this was coming." Obi-wan's ghost appeared. "You knew you would be asked to let go. It is time."_

_Rey stared at the two figures, mouth agape. "Leave." Rey said not taking her eyes off  the ghosts. Luke stared at the girl for a second. Nodded once and turned to leave._

" _Make sure you follow your path. Stay true to who you are young padawan. We cannot help guide you, your path is a path none of us were able to navigate. It is yours alone to tread." Obi-wan's words echoed as he faded away._

" _Strong with the Force you are, trust it." Yoda said before evaporating too._

Rey wasn't sure how long she stood in the dwelling she'd shared with Luke all of those months. She wasn't sure how long she would want to stand there but when she heard the ship's engines, she was drawn out.

She stood on the cliff and watched him go and hated him. Hated that he'd left her on Jakku. Hated that he'd known this all along and still had started her training. She had never felt such hate.  She stood on that cliff the entire night, until the stars came out and set.  

She felt Kylo Ren's ship land on the far side of the island and waited on the cliff, much as Luke had when she'd approached him on the island.

"I can feel your hate." Kylo Ren stated through the mask.

"I felt you land." She turned to look at him briefly before turning her attention back to the sea.

"I am sorry." 

"No you're not. You told me all of this last night. You knew it would hurt me." She paused briefly, anger rising. "You knew that it would be the thing that drove me from Luke."

"I could only hope." He tone was cold as he came to stand next to her. "It never occurred to me that you wouldn't leave with him."  A curling anger unfolding from him.

"It angers you that he left me, even as you rejoice that I am here." She was confused. She could feel the anger in him when he realized that Luke had left her there.

"It angers you that he left you on Jakku."

"Ugh of course it does!" She threw down the blanket. "Twice now that damned Jedi has left me on a desolate planet, almost completely alone."

Kylo watched Rey as her chest heaved in anger. He knew he should be trying to kindle it into some sort of monstrous hate against their former master. And yet he mostly felt like he was intruding in a personal moment, one that should be hers and hers alone.

"Come with me." He said walking back towards the narrow stairs. He continued without looking back to see if she would follow.

Rey frowned to herself and followed the only other man in the galaxy she wanted to murder besides her former teacher.

 

* * *

 

 

"Again." Kylo commanded.

Back on the destroyer, Kylo had set up a training room to test his new pupil's abilities. The room was like every other room in the destroyer: Spartan and sleek.

Rey had been left to build a new light saber for the first week. Kylo instructed that no one besides droids and himself were permitted to interact with the very angry woman. Her spirit was still there, but it was hurt. He could see it in her eyes when he handed her the Kyber crystals and instructed her to build whatever she needed before leaving her alone but guarded in the training room throughout the day.

Rey closed her eyes and stood ready for his parries. She'd never actually sparred with Luke and found the young Ren much more demanding than the elder Jedi.

"Stop thinking about him. Clear your mind." He demanded. The mask was off and they were both drenched in sweat, barefoot, and stripped down to basic clothing that wouldn't get caught or sheered off by the sabers.

"You sound just like him." She hissed out opening her eyes. She watched the light flash across his eyes as the insult hung in the air. It made him more dangerous. He swung the blade at her and was met by a double-sided staff and felt the hiss of the sabers as they connected.

"I am nothing like him." He pushed back against her. Physically he was much stronger than she was but mentally his inner turmoil was always easy to pick at, like an open, gnawing wound. She'd been picking at it almost constantly since following him back to his ship.

Rey held her new staff as he physically pushed her across the floor. Frustrated, she grabbed at the Force and moved one of her hands from the staff to push him off. He stumbled backwards only a few steps.

"You can do better." He advanced on her again. He kept his frame as small as he could. She jabbed in his general direction using both hands on the staff. He stepped aside and knocked her on the head with the hilt.

"Ow, why you little son of a..." She raised her hand to the back of her head, coming away with a tinge of blood. Eyes wide, Rey understood that this training was going to be completely different.

"Don't use your anger as fuel. Use it to hone where your staff lands. To amplify what you're trying to do, not as the only reason for attacking." He stated. "Again."

Rey closed her eyes and felt the Force. Held it in her mind. She felt his energy advancing on her again, leaving no time to recover. She opened her eyes and squared herself in his general direction. His attack came again and again. He used the insult she'd throw at him to show her what he meant. He pressed down again and again as she raised the staff and smacked him away.

After a few rapid motions, she smacked him in the chest with the center of the staff, causing a soft 'offphm' from him. He looked shocked but pleased. She swept her foot hard under his legs and used the Force at the same time to topple her opponent.

Standing over him, she pointed her saber at his throat.

"Better?" She questioned, clearly thinking that she had somehow won the battle. Kylo Ren looked up blinking at the padawan and shook his head. His hand swept out quickly, knocking her to the ground, face first. Rey grunted and tried to turn over, sensing his movements. She felt his knees against her upper arms and back as he straddled her and felt more than saw when he unsheathed the lightsaber just below her throat. She froze, fearing that he might decapitate her accidentally.

"Never leave your opponent alive long enough to gloat." He said slowly. She grimaced and wiggled the arm that held the staff, tipping it just enough to touch his foot. He yelled out in pain but didn't get off of her. He put his hand in her hair and pulled her neck back,  _the killing position_ , she thought briefly hoping he would do it.

_Just end it_. She thought.

Leaning close to her ear he whispered, "Pain will not always set you free. Death isn't the end of the pain." He hissed. He moved the saber so that the overflow vents on the side came in contact with the pale skin of her neck. She screamed in pain flailing, trying to get the big oaf off her. She felt the skin blister as the pain shot through her. She gasped for breath trying to remember how to calm herself, how to allow the Force to dictate her next move.

Slowing her breathing, she remembered the ocean breeze of the island and tried to let it fill her with its coolness as she imagined grabbing handfuls of what she thought of as the Force. The energy pulsed inside of her, looking for escape.

The doors to the training room had opened briefly but neither Rey nor Ren noticed the General enter. Both were too focused on what would happen next.

Kylo felt her gathering the Force to her in a way he'd never felt before. When Master Luke had called upon the Force it was like slowly filling a small cup, this was like she was pulling the entire ocean to her.

When Rey felt like she couldn't hold any more energy she let go, spread the energy outwards in every direction. She felt Kylo understanding what she was doing prepare to take the energy in and yet he was still thrown off her, although only a few feet from her. Hux, who was almost Force blind, was slammed against the blast doors he'd just entered through.

"Fuck." Kylo Ren muttered softly as he dragged his arm under himself and rose up to look across the few feet to the girl on the floor. Even prepared she'd still managed to throw him.

"What the hell was that?!" General Hux demanded as he righted his suit.

"No one is to enter." Kylo rose himself to his feet.

"This is my ship, I'll go where I damned well please." He turned his angrily look from Kylo to the woman still lying on the floor.

Rey exhaled, glad to be free of Kylo's weight. She rolled onto her back panting and extinguishing her staff.

"I wanted to see what was occupying your time. I can see now." Hux gestured towards Rey before clasping his hands behind him once again.

"Yes well she is still unharnessed." Kylo commented on her as though she wasn't there. As though she hadn't agreed to be trained by him.

"Still here you two bantha farts." She sat up and glowered at Kylo.

"Rey, go get cleaned up. We'll continue with the mind probes after I finish with Hux." 

Rey growled at them both and walked out the door towards her small quarters, flanked by two troopers. The quarters were ornate compared to where she'd been living for most of her life, having a desk, a couch, two chairs, a table and her own private refresher.

Kylo remained in Hux's presence only to get away from the angry little scavenger. He'd never seen that amount of power come from anyone who could use the Force. He was intrigued.

"What do you want Hux?" He put his boots back on before gathering his robes and helmet.

"Supreme Leader would like to speak with you." 

"Fine." Kylo stormed off towards the holoroom. Hux caught up with the annoyed Ren quickly matching his gait.

"That was some display." He commented as they walked. Until that moment Hux hadn't really ever seen the Force used outside of what Ren had done. And to him it had seemed much more like parlor tricks than what he just witnessed. Ren snorted, Hux did always have a talent for stating the absolute obvious in an almost hysterical way.

Kylo stopped in the hall outside the holoroom. "Yes. She is coming along nicely." 

The hologram of the Supreme Leader awaited them. "Kylo. How is the girl?" Snoke asked immediately.

"She is doing well.  Her power is much more than I originally thought."

"Good." Snoke turned his attention to Hux.

"Prepare to engage the Resistance. We have a chance to kill the last Jedi. Luke Skywalker has finally returned to the Resistance."

"Yes Supreme Leader."

"Go." Snoke waved Hux away. "Will she do?" he inquired once Hux was gone, still annoyed that Kylo hadn't found a pupil before the girl. It endangered all of their plans.

"Yes she will. She just threw enough energy outward to force me off her and slam Hux into the wall. She will do quite nicely as my pupil."

"Make sure you know what you are doing." Snoke warned. "You know the risks with this one."

"She has had less than a year's worth of training by the very man who betrayed her. She was already questioning the absolutions before he divulged her past."

"And you know this how?" Snoke's skepticism was clear.

"We're working on mind probes. When I finally break through, I can see how she thinks, how she feels. What motivates her. She isn't a Jedi. It's unlikely she ever will be."

"Good. Go and continue."

"Yes Supreme Leader."

Kylo Ren returned to his quarters in search of a medic kit and a shower. The burn was superficial and had stopped hurting long ago. He used the dermal healer on the burn after undressing. The skin would slough in the shower. He was quick about cleaning up before dressing in his normal attire, including the mask.

"Open the door." Kylo demanded to the troopers posted outside of Rey's quarters. He squeezed the dermal healer in his gloved hand, hating himself for even thinking to bring it. The blast door went up quietly and Kylo stepped into the room. Rey was sitting on the bed meditating.

"You could have knocked." She ground out. "I could have been naked." She scoffed as she opened her eyes to find his mask back in place. She felt the thin thrill that went through his body at the mention of her nudity. Puzzled she frowned and furrowed her brow confused.

"How is your burn?" He asked ignoring her comment.  

"Fine." She continued to sit.

"Use this on it." He threw the healer to her. Instincts kicked in and she caught it, hand raised long before she had time to think about it. She just stared down at the healer clearly having no knowledge of what it did. "Oh for the sake of the Force." He cursed striding to grab it back before tilting her head to one side using the healer on her.

"Thanks." She said feeling the skin healing, and the stinging sensation stopping.

"You certainly gave General Hux a show." He dropped the healer onto the bed. "Come sit in the chair." He motioned towards the two chairs.

Rey paled. This was the part of the Knights of Ren she found the most difficult: searching another person's thoughts and feelings without their permission. She remembered him vividly rifling through her most precious memories, trying to find the one that would cause the most pain to share back during their first encounter.

"Rey, the chair." He sat motioning to the chair. She unfolded her legs from under her and walked the short distance to seat herself in front of her new master.  _Master,_  her mind echoed sarcastically,  _not in the slightest_. "Guard your thoughts better, little Rey. It is if you're shouting your insolence."

It was the only warning she got before he started moving through her thoughts, picking them up one by one and examining them, searching something but for what that night she wasn't sure. Rey's face twisted with pain, this wasn't like the other instructions.  He was so angry tonight and forced his thoughts deeper into hers. Rey turned her thoughts towards things she'd already shown him, places and people he already knew about.

_Good_. The thought came.  _Show me what you think I want to see_.  _It will not help you tonight_. He mocked.

_Out!_  Came the thought from her, clear and crisp. On any other night it might have been enough to make him stagger slowly from her mind. But tonight he was angry at his new pupil. Pushing further he was able to get past the imagery she was projecting. He saw her replay Luke leaving over and over again. Sometimes it was Jakku. Sometimes it was Ahch-To. Always the same imagery though, someone leaving her.

_Is that why you are so eager to welcome death?_  His thought came.  _You think that you **mattered** to him?_  He could feel his own anger at his uncle being siphoned into Rey's mind, matching hers. _You never mattered to him. You were a means to an end. To end the conflict. I am his own blood and he abandoned me, forsoke the vows he took and let his fear guide him when he slaughtered your parents._

That thought hit Rey hard. She flinched physically and decided to stop fighting, to just allow him in. She showed him what Luke had told her, that it was Snoke's troopers that had killed her parents. He recoiled as though she'd hit him, pulling back.

"No." Kylo said aloud. "I can't believe that." He twisted his way further into her mind, his fury screaming through every part of her thoughts. Rey whimpered and clasped her hands to her ears as if she were trying to drown out his thoughts, to shut them down. His rage had built for years and years based on the lie she just showed him to be false. It made him panic, and it made him even more dangerous.

_Who are you, to tell me such a blatant lie? To fill my head full of nonsense?_  He raged. She folded over in pain.

_Stop._  Her mind whispered through the pain, through the rage she'd never even touched on, never even imagined could exist in a person. She reached out then, into his mind desperate to make the pain stop. He used that gesture to force more pain into her mind. Rey gasped as she fell to the floor, her entire body felt as if it was on fire from the inside. She gasped and writhed trying to remember her training: To pull what she needed from the Force. She drew strength from the Force, from finding it blindly through the pain, gathering the growing hatred of the man infiltrating her thoughts and forced it into him.  _STOP._  She yelled as she forced more into him and more until her pain became less.

Kylo regained some of his composure as he felt her anger enter his mind and noticed how different it felt. It wasn't as raw as his was, as unchecked and he hated her a little more for that. But under all of it was his concern.

Rey continued to lie on the floor, cherishing the feeling of not burning on the inside. The cool tile against her cheek was a welcomed relief. She felt his concern then as she continued to lie there unmoving. Slowly she reached out to his mind. Fear and shame flashed as she touched his mind and he tried to block her but it was too late, she was already aware of the feeling of concern.  _I just want the pain to end_ , she thought when she finally felt why he was concerned. In all of the years of hate and self-doubt, he'd never once thought that death would be a welcomed way out. He never greeted it the way she had before he'd burned her and it scared him.

"Why do you feel ashamed that you're concerned that I want to die?" She asked aloud.

"I shouldn't care if anyone wants to die." He mumbled, his voice garbled.

"You should if they are under your tutelage." She commented absentmindedly.

"And one day I may have to send you to your death. I shouldn't care if you live or die. But it hurts to know that you care so little for your own life." He stood from the chair, to where she was still lying on the cool floor. He grabbed her shoulder and turned her towards him, lifted her to her feet. She didn't want to stand, didn't want to continue the lesson.  _I want you to live, truly live_  the thought echoed through her mind as he shook her slightly.  _If I can want to live after betraying those who loved me, you can continue with having Luke leave you twice now._  The thought was rough and barbed with the thought of his uncle.  _And at least you have me,_  the thought came almost as a ghost.

He tried setting her on her feet again and waited for some ascorbic comment about the last thought he knew she'd felt. She'd felt how glad he was to have someone in his world, someone he could teach. He threw images up of his rampage as he engaged Luke the first time when she reached out tentatively with her mind. The imagery and the anger he pushed in her mind started the waves of pain anew.

"Please stop." She sagged again and he caught her again. "Sharing your anger doesn't burn away the concern, it only hurts." She put her hands on his forearms where he still held her up. "It is just us here, stop…" She looked up to the mask, pleading with her eyes. He shook his head slowly.

"Make me." He pushed more. Shaking with her hands still on his forearms, holding herself apart from him she called the Force again. And she let it flow through her, allowed it to curl around the thoughts in her mind, to pick out that which would help the most, the thing that would stop the pain. She looked through her own thoughts and chose one that she hoped was bright enough to stop the torrent of hate.

Closing her eyes she conjured the first memory she had of him in the forest as she run from him.  _Her heart was beating like a wild bird as she took shallow short breaths and felt the damp air fill them. Turning back to him in fear she remembered knowing the he was gaining on her and there was nothing she could do about it. When he stopped her with the Force her entire body screamed to move, to just move, but she couldn't. And for the first time she felt something stir, something she didn't yet understand. A connection she wouldn't understand until she fell into his dreams_.  _The Force was calling to her then._

_The world blacked out as he'd knocked her unconscious and when she came around she was bound. She struggled against the restraints before realizing he was there, watching her, waiting like a predator._

The pain subsided slightly as Kylo lost interest in hurting her, captivated by how she saw him. Her thoughts continued in a much more jumbled mess after, realizing that he didn't just see what she saw but that he felt the emotions that accompanied the images: the first time she looked on his alien features and wondered how he'd come to hide behind the mask, stepping into the light in his dream, him invading her dreams in return. And lastly the feeling of satisfaction when he'd found her standing on the cliff of the island waiting for him.  _And at least I have you_...her thought came out pure and without malice, with a trust he'd never thought she would be capable of when it came to him.

Kylo Ren stood taller, shaking his head against the thoughts that cascaded through him with her images and thoughts and feelings. It was the first time someone had thought of him in a way that wasn't murderous in a very long time. He closed his eyes against the thoughts that came racing into his mind, thoughts of hope and light and compassion. It was the light, he knew it and in that moment he didn't care. He opened his mind then to her.

It was his mistake.

Rey felt the shift in him, felt that he was reaching for any pleasant feeling in that moment and she smiled cruelly to herself and opened her eyes then reaching quickly in his mind, forcing the simmering hate she'd felt just moments before towards him as he burned pain through her entire body. She turned his thoughts inward on himself then and turned every happy thing he was thinking of into pain. Kylo gasped and released his student taking a step back, realizing his mistake. Rey stood feeling as though she was numb, as though there was nothing left of her in that moment and yet she pressed on.

Balling his hands at his side Kylo pushed back, knowing that she had the upper hand. He blocked enough of the pain out to not feel like his insides were on fire but not enough to completely force her out. They stayed that way, each trying to push the other one further to no avail.

Rey fell to her knees first and he followed her shortly after. The agony continued for both, each pushing as far as they could without allowing the other more trespass into their thoughts and feelings.

After what seemed like hours they passed out from exhaustion, their bodies and minds not able to withstand the torrent of thoughts any longer.


	4. Battle

Luke felt Rey and Ben matching wits across the galaxy and frowned. She was getting stronger in things that unnerved the Jedi to the point that he'd almost pulled away when he'd felt them clash. It was like the titan's his uncle used to tell him about in the desert: each digging at each other as much as possible and in the end everyone lost.

This was not the balance he was hoping for. He was opposed to Rey staying behind but felt that he had no choice. He'd known that keeping the secret from her would likely drive her away but he didn't anticipate she would want to train with Kylo.

Luke stood in the hangar listening to the quiet. It was the quiet before the battle, he knew. He could feel Kylo and Snoke moving closer and knew that an end was coming. He wasn't quite sure of whose it was but he worried mostly for Rey. She had just come into her powers and was the least experienced of all of the players.

Luke and Leia had been preparing for the last week to move the Resistance Forces. He knew that Kylo would realize he'd returned to the Resistance and take the opportunity to seek out Luke and end his life, end the Jedi line. He wondered briefly if his nephew would be the tool Snoke used or his new pupil. Either encounter did not sit well.

"You never could sleep before a fight." Leia stepped out from behind one of the x-wings. She'd been awake thinking of Ben when she'd felt Luke's presence and was drawn to his side.

"It feels different this time.  We have had too much time to prepare. Everything is going to happen as planned. It is unnerving."

"Well I did get much better at this since you left." Her rueful gaze turning towards Luke as she moved to stand in front of her brother.

"Do you think they will ever come back for good?" Luke asked looking past Leia at the x-wings.

"Rey for sure." She moved to stand next to him before looking sidelong at her brother. "Ben, I'm not sure. His footsteps seem tied to someone who is never him." She observed sadly. "First you, then Snoke, and if that little stunt they just pulled was any indication, he'll follow her to the ends of the galaxy now."

"He is in turmoil." He nodded. "I hope she will get through to him." He murmured.

"Was this your plan all along?" Leia asked reaching a hand out to pat his crossed arms.

"It was not a plan but their path. I just played my part." He shrugged remembering the conversations he'd had with the ghosts of the Jedi.

"Let's hope the universe knows what it is doing." 

 

* * *

 

 

"And when everything is done, when Luke is dead you will kill the girl." Snoke addressed as Hux stood in front of the hologram. They were hours away from the rendezvous to bring Snoke aboard.

"Yes Supreme Leader." Hux nodded.

"You're dismissed. Go ensure the battle will be an easy victory." He waved Hux away calmly, clearly not feeling the press of the battle like so many others. It was the first time in many years that he would join the First Order at the front lines.

Snoke sat in the darkness of his ship and reflected on choosing Hux at a very young age. He'd chosen him more cautiously than he had Kylo Ren. Hux would be obedient in all things while Kylo would need to push the boundaries of their relationship in order to become who he needed to be.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren felt consciousness pull on him once again and wondered why his arm was numb and tucked under him. And why he'd fallen asleep in the mask with his boots still on. He groaned rolling to his back and removing the mask, breathing deeply of the stale ship air.

The memories of training Rey and invading each other's thoughts came flooding back to him. He rolled over and pushed himself up to stand, only to immediately sit on the bed. He removed his gloves and placed his head in his hand and he leaned forward breathing deeply as a wave of nausea swept through him.

 _Wake up Rey_. He tested. His head throbbed with the effort and he stopped trying to think of anything except keeping his brain from sliding out of his skull. Clearly they'd overdone the mind exercises.

"Rey?" He lifted his head. She didn't move. "Rey!" Blind panic filled him and he moved across the small space, not thinking to touch the Force to feel if she was still breathing. In that moment of panic he had to touch her, to see if she was still alive. He felt the pulse on her neck and breathed a sigh of relief as he sat back, knees crossed in front of him and was thankful she wasn't awake to feel what had just happened.

"I'm not that asleep." She groaned, his panic and soft touches had woke her. When she'd squinted through her eyes to see who was handling her so gently she was shocked it was him before he sat away from her. "What happened?" She sat up and realized her mistake immediately she shot her hands back to catch herself before she plunged backwards onto the tile floor. "What the hell?" She asked feeling dizzy. "Do you feel as bad as I do?" 

"I would nod but I think I might vomit." He ground out between clenched teeth. "I wonder how long we were out?" He mused trying to rise again, to pull the Force and use it to help him. The ship's computer showed that over a day had passed. No wonder he felt horrible. "It's been a whole day." He pulled more on the Force, allowing it to sustain him.

Rey tried to nod but decided against it as she pulled herself up and into the nearest chair. She was exhausted and wondered if they had been resting or if they'd incapacitated each other into some sort of horrible stasis. "Can you get the droids to bring food and water?" She asked weakly. She frowned at her weakness. She'd gone days without food, at least one day without water on Jakku and had never felt like this before. She watched as he punched in a few orders before slowly moving to join her at the table.

"Let’s never do that again, alright?" She felt the depression, from the day's events before and the realization that she wouldn't mind dying, like a weight. Kylo's rage seemed to have been slaked and she was grateful for that.

"Agreed. It would seem we are fairly well matched at probing minds. I am satisfied that you understand how to utilize it." He stated. "Besides we will be in battle tomorrow."

"What?" She raised her hands to her temples, her headache pounding loudly against her ears.

"Well, you won't be." He amended. He knew she wasn't going to face her friends and former mentor without being turned back to them.

"And you're what, just going to lock me in here?" She said exasperated.

"Yes." He nodded. She stared at him in utter disbelief. Only one week on the ship and they would be facing her friends. She glowered at him from across the table as they waited for the food to arrive, neither of them filling the silence as they both settled into their own personal hell.

The food came and the silence stretched on. Rey was trying furiously to shield her thoughts as she thought of a way to escape, to return with the Resistance the next day. She had stayed on the planet because she didn't know where she belonged or who to trust. It hadn't occurred to her that she would actually have to fight any of the Resistance or worse sit out of the fight completely.

And she had to admit to herself that part of her thought she could and would bring Kylo back into the light. Maybe not all of the way but that she would be able to soften the darkness somehow. Staring across at the stoic man she barely knew, and yet had seen almost every crevice of his mind, she thought herself a fool.

 _You're not a fool._  The thought came slowly and she couldn't be sure if it was hers or his.  _We both have the same and opposite goal. Maybe we will bring each other into balance_ , he mused as he was starting to feel better.

"Do you truly believe I'll turn to the dark side?" She asked as she put her soup spoon down and pushed the bowl away, tired still.

"Yes." He as he stopped eating too. "Because I've already felt it in you. It's small and new but it will come when you least expect it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"How can you be so sure I have light in me still?" He snorted. "Because you have seen my mind, traveled to places that no other person has ever been all without even leaving this room." He motioned with one hand around her room.

"But you don't believe you have light in you." She stated, then thought back to all of the images she'd held and rifled through while testing each other's wills. "No, you know you have it in you but it scares you that you have it. Why are you afraid of it?" She was leaning on the table now more interested in him more than she'd ever been. To be afraid of the good feelings was something she just couldn't fathom.

"It is a death sentence." He commented as though he was commenting on the weather.

"Isn't having that much darkness a death sentence too? The Resistance will always be after the First Order. You have just as much of a chance to die here as you do with the Resistance."

"You've been with the Resistance for what, a year maybe?" He asked scowling, pushing his food away as the anger rose inside of him. "You know nothing of that existence. You know nothing of watching friends go out in an x-wing and never come back. You know nothing of watching your parents throw themselves into something that will get them killed eventually and fear every time there is a raid that neither one of them will come back." He was breathing heavily and jabbing at the air to make his points. Rey stared at him coolly, unmoved by his tirade.

"I know how to live alone." She mumbled quietly. "I know what it's like when your parents don't come back because someone killed them. I know what it's like to have a stranger drop you off at some forsaken planet that is hot and dry and desolate for my own protection. And I know what it's like to be lonely." She lowered her voice as she spoke the words for the first time: her parents were dead.

That thought made him stop and realize that he wasn't the only 'poor little kid' in the galaxy. That some had it worse than he did.

"And you don't see me going around, taking my staff to the ship's computers because something didn't go my way. I wouldn't Force choke someone whose opinion I didn't like, once they're dead I can't convince them to not say those nasty things."

"You feel I use my anger inappropriately?" He made it a question, a hard look crossing his face. No one had dared to call him out on the behavior for fear of death.

"Yes. You said yourself yesterday that anger was to be used to reinforce the talents, not use it solely as fuel."

"So this is what it is like to have a pupil?" He mused, a dark smile gracing his lips. Rey frowned, as she so often did around him and waited for him to elaborate. "To hear my own words thrown back at me. It is amusing."

"Only if you teach them well." She snorted. He chuckled then. Rey's eyes grew the size of saucers and she felt herself titter a little giggle. Before long they were both laughing. "Ow my head." She said holding her fingers against her temples.

"I think you just complimented me." He laughed even harder even though nothing about the moment was particularly funny.  _It must be the exhaustion_ , he thought as he continued to laugh. "I will leave you now my new apprentice. Until tomorrow." He rose and grabbed his helmet off the floor. He secured it on before exiting, the laughter continuing: a sound distorted and garbled through the mouthpiece.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey stood at her window and watched as the enormous ship engaged the Resistance fleet. She felt many of the people on those ships and gritted her teeth as she shut her eyes and tried to meditate. The blackness of the sky highlighted the bright flashes of light that came from the guns of the ships as they engaged in battle.

"Screw this." She said moving towards the door. There was a droid port next to it. She pried it open to find a mess of wires and hoped that this destroyer had similar wiring to the Imperial fleets that she'd been scavenging for most of her life. The black wires were usually the ones that would zap her but also controlled the mechanics. Reaching further inside the panel she felt around trying to see where the servo was and if she could trace the live wire from there to get the switch to actuate.

After 5 minutes Rey went around the room, tearing into drawers she'd never even opened looking for something,  _anything_ , sharp. When she'd boarded they'd taken all of her tools, even the simple ones made of metal.  _As if I couldn't just kill them with my mind_ , she thought to herself.

Finally she remembered a small blade she'd once wedged in between the sole of her boot and the top part. Amazed she had forgotten it she reached down to pull off her boot. To her luck it was still there. She rejoiced briefly before putting the boot back on and setting to work.

Another 5 minutes of sitting on the ground and guessing which wire did what finally resulted in the door moving up a few inches. She heard the troopers outside shouting at each other, clearly shocked that the door was opening. Half way through, the door stopped. Rey didn't hesitate; she slipped under the door, kicking one of the Stormtroopers in the process. The other pointed his weapon at Rey as his comrade fell to the floor. Rey reached out with the Force, using all of her strength to throw the trooper backwards. To her delight he flew backwards dropping his weapon in the process.

Jumping at the opportunity, Rey grabbed at the blaster and pulled the trigger in his general direction, missing him completely. "Stupid hunk of junk." She moved to stand over him and use the blaster end to knock the trooper on the head. "Stop." She said to the other one sprawled the ground as they tried to reach for their blaster. "Under the door." She motioned him back to her room. "Wait, take this one too." She motioned to the other trooper. Bemused by what was happening the trooper obeyed. Rey used the controls outside to lower the blast door.

The ship was in chaos as the Resistance put up a fight both in the air and on the ground; Rey had watched the trooper tanks launch at the beginning of the dogfight and had felt sick at the prospect of Finn or Leia getting hurt. Especially Finn as he was still probably learning to walk again after the light saber had pierced his spinal cord. Rey ran towards the training room, hoping that her staff was still there after their last sparring lesson.

Luke's lightsaber sat on the far shelf and Rey put it on her belt while she looked around the sparse room for her staff. The workbench she'd been using to construct it was cleared of most of the scraps. It was there she found the staff. Grabbing it she ran off down the hall, trying to remember how many turns it had been from the hangar deck. She needed to get down to the planet.

After several halls ended up being a dead end, Rey finally found her way to the hangar deck, where a whole new level of chaos was erupting as broken and damaged TIE fighters were being brought back in and new ones launched.  Looking around she noticed that the fighters needed two pilots. Without formulating any plan she ran up to the TIE fighter that was being loaded and grabbed the pilot out. He or she fought her, trying to go for the blaster but Rey knocked them down with the Force before they could get it and settled herself into the pilot's seat, pushing all the startup sequences without much passion or thought to what she was doing. It was like blinking or breathing, it wasn't something she was even aware that she was doing.

The gunner of the TIE fighter, who apparently had already settled themselves in before Rey knocked the pilot off, was trying desperately to get at Rey. She sighed before sending a huge blast of energy to the person's mind, completely knocking them out.  _Thanks for the new trick Kylo_ , she thought as she made a straight line for the planet's surface hoping that she would be able to get her Resistance transponder code through before they blew her out of the air. She punched in the code and aimed right for the base as she felt Luke and Kylo Ren engaged in battle.

Landing the TIE fighter as close as she dared to the small command post, Rey scrambled to get to the fight knowing that she might have to battle Kylo Ren for the second time in less than three days. The scene she came upon in the hangar bay seemed to hang in the air as she ran towards the group. Snoke and the Knights of Ren were battling Luke and a handful of Resistance fighters.

Kylo Ren felt more than he saw Rey and he swore under his breath as he felt her call the Force to her and knew what was about the happen. He turned to face her and knew he was too late in his move as she pushed all of the energy she could hold out towards the group of Knights. He crouched down, trying to lower his center of gravity as he pushed the Force out towards the oncoming wave. The other Knights of Ren weren't nearly as strong in the Force as Snoke or Kylo and were knocked to the ground, some crashing into objects, some landing a few feet away leaving only Snoke on his feet and Kylo crouched down, all were unconscious. Unfortunately it had the same effect on the Resistance fighters, save Luke.

 _I have to learn to focus that,_ she thought to herself as she neared Snoke and Kylo Ren. Kylo stood, shot out his hand in her direction, and slowed her movements, pushing the Force towards her. Rey's eyes grew large as the world seemed to slow down as she watched Snoke advance on Luke. It was as though Rey knew what was about to happen, she knew that her former teacher was about to die. She felt Luke come to terms with it moments before Snoke motioned back to Kylo for his light saber, calling it to him from his apprentices' hand in one moment, and moving it directly into Luke's chest without even touching the saber.

Rey tried to scream as Kylo Ren's hold flexed around her and she felt his pain at watching Luke die just a few feet away. She struggled against the Force bringing hers to the forefront of her mind noticing that as she pushed outward she was able to move a little, move a leg, then another. Until she was slowly, painfully walking towards Snoke and Kylo. As Snoke turned his attention to the girl, he noticed his apprentices' failure and tried to use the Force to stop her.

And it did, for a moment.

Until Rey's anger and rage pushed more against the invisible force pushing her back. She continued the slow pace until she was standing right in front of the Supreme Leader.

She took a shaky breath as she raised her staff and moved the tip dangerously close to Snoke’s face.

"Good." He reached out a hand to pull Kylo's saber from Luke's body. The act made Rey sick but determined as her movements were slowed by both men trying to hold her back. She gritted her teeth and gathered more of the Force to her, holding it inside of her instead of letting it flow through her. She waited until it felt as though she was on fire from the inside, until she could bare it no longer and she released the energy, in all directions. Both Snoke and Kylo's concentration broke which released her from their hold and between one breath and the next Rey lopped the head off of the Supreme Leader even as he smiled at her, realizing his fate.

Kylo screamed, "Noooooooo." As the smiling head of his mentor fell to the ground. He flung out his hand and called for his saber as a new anger ran through him. When their blades clashed they both knew it wasn't practice fighting any more.

Rey's inexperience came through in the number of times Kylo knocked her down, beating down on the staff with his saber but the Force in her could not be matched by Kylo and proved time and again to allow Rey to thrust off his battering, hacking attacks. The rage in both of them was a deep well and it seemed that it wouldn't be slaked any time soon, each calling on the Force as the battle raged above. The rage made them blind to anything other than beating down the other so it was quite the shock to Rey as she watched the stun from a blaster float and hit Kylo, causing him to collapse on the floor.

Breathing heavily Rey looked around ready to run. She turned to find Finn striding across the hangar bay, a look of deep concern on his face.

"Are you ok?" He asked.

"Yeah, yes. I think so." She tried to assess the damage as the energy from the battle was wearing off.

"Here, help me bind these guys before they wake." He looked around the hangar for some sort of rope or tie. "3PO, I'm in hangar bay 5, bring 7 locking restraints quickly." Finn said into the communicator not waiting for a reply before moving to the first Knight and binding his hands and feet. Rey did the same, pulling some cords out of the trash and starting to work on the first knight.

"How'd you find me?" She said as they finished tying up the last one.

"I wasn't really looking for the fight; I was trying to get electric cable to repair the light station in the CIC. Crazy thing is this was the first hangar I tried."

"Well let's just hope our luck keeps coming." She pulled Finn into a hug. "Good to see you! I have so much to tell you! And look at you walking again!"

"Yeah well, they couldn't keep me down." He returned her embrace. "After this battle, we'll have to catch up. I have so much to tell you too!" His spirit remained intact, even after the grueling hours of rehab he'd endured over the last year. Rey smiled as 3PO came into view with the manacles for their new prisoners.

 

* * *

 

 

General Organa stood in front of the Resistance Armada and looked out over the somber group. Luke's body lay on a burial pyre, waiting for the fire. The General took a shaky breath as she addressed the Resistance fighters that had survived the battle.

"Today we commit to the Force the last of the known Jedi, my brother, Luke Skywalker. He left us for so long that is difficult to have him taken from us so soon. Let us not forget the others who have left us in this fight. They fought to keep us alive, to allow us to continue to fight the First Order.

Death is not the end. It is a return to the Force that we came from, we all become stardust. I will see Luke again. In his students," The General motioned towards Rey who gulped, "And in those who he was friends with." She gestured towards Chewy and the droids, "Like all that were lost to us, they will live on through us." Leia stopped then, tears coming to her eyes. "We will make sure they live every day and continue the mission that meant so much to so many."

The rest of the ceremony was friends and family commemorating their loved ones, the ones that couldn't be recovered because they were lost at space. In the end the funeral pyre was lit. Rey watched as the sparks flew up into the sky and wondered if people felt this act would return the Jedi to the Force. Rey already felt him in the Force, the moment Snoke plunged the saber into his chest: she had felt him accept what was happening and slip into the Force. She had already cried to the point where she was numb to the ceremonies.

The base was somber as they packed up to leave…now that the First Order knew where they were they had to move again. Without Luke there seemed to be a weight on the Resistance now; as if their purpose was gone now. Rey sighed trying to block out all of the feelings of the others she was picking up on while she undid the cables from the light table in the CIC. They would be leaving as soon as everything was packed.

"Rey?" General Organa stood next to the console Rey was disassembling.  Rey crawled out from under the unit.

"Yes sir?" She asked standing awkwardly. Out of the handful of times Rey had interacted with Leia two of them had been the death of her ex-husband and now her brother. Rey felt like she was responsible somehow, as if just by being in their presence she had caused their fate.

"I would like to give you an assignment." The General said, her face drawn with worry and concern.

"Anything." 

"I'd like you to be in charge of prisoner transport for my son, Ben." Leia's quiet voice seemed to carry.

"Oh, I dunno if that is such a good idea." Rey stammered.

"He is more comfortable with you than anyone else here. And I can't trust myself with him. I love him too much." Leia admitted. It was clear the fact that the Knights of Ren were captured and being held prisoner was weighing on the General. Rey thought she understood the dilemma: a mother's love vs a General's understanding of how war worked. Rey pressed her lips in a hard line and nodded her head.

"Of course you will have Chewy, 3PO, R2, Finn and Poe to help but you will be his contact. I have faith after feeling you two battle that you are one of the few on base that can handle him without grievous bodily harm."

"I hope it will never come to that." Rey admitted something to Leia that someone else might never understand. Rey didn't feel the connection that his mother would but she felt that they were in each other's lives for some purpose, and Rey hoped that purpose wasn't to end each other's life. Leia raised a brow at the young woman then, clearly not understanding what connection they had. "He isn't all bad." Rey feebly attempted to explain how she felt after only being Kylo Ren's student for one week. “Also I have no intention of killing those I think could be saved instead.”

"Spoken like a true Jedi." Leia smiled past the pain that was present in every breath as of late.

"You think?"

"As much as you can be." Leia nodded. "Do you have any questions about your assignment?"

"How long will it last?" She asked.

"Until he allows the light in." Leia opened her hands wide as if that were an easy feat.

"And if he never does?" Rey asked, concerned. She'd felt his anger, his rage, and now that she'd killed his mentor, the one who enticed him to join the dark side, she worried that he would never allow her to move him towards the inevitable, which was to balance his emotions with less hateful and volatile emotions.

Leia’s jaw tightened at the thought briefly, “Have faith in yourself….and the Force.”  She touched Rey’s shoulder and squeezed before stepping away to help finish preparations to move the base.


	5. Roll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading! Hoping to get everything edited and up within the next week! Enjoy!

* * *

 

Three weeks later on the new Resistance base:

"Get out." Kylo Ren growled as Rey entered the cell he was being held in. "You won so stop gloating."

"I'm trying to get you to work with me." She sighed as she sat at the table where his food sat untouched. "You should eat something."

"You're trying to get me to join your side." He hissed.

"No, I'm not." She hissed, jaw clenched. "Search your feelings, you know I have no intent on having you join the Resistance."

This had been their routine for three weeks now. Sometimes they sparred which typically ended with the two guards that were posted outside of Kylo's cell entering and pointing blasters at him if he didn't back down, sometimes she tried to probe his mind, and sometimes she just begged him to eat. Today she was begging him to eat.

"I'm trying to get you to eat." She motioned to his food. "You have to keep your strength up."

"Why? I have no purpose and the Resistance has no idea what to do with me. The son and murder of their beloved Han Solo."

"Then eat for me. For my peace of mind. I know what to do with you, just give me time to convince your mother." She ground out, annoyed.

"Care to enlighten me on this plan of yours?" He spat out standing and crossing the room. "At least  _I_  didn't lock you away when you accompanied me back to the destroyer."

"Yes you did!" She yelled, standing. "You left me to die up on the destroyer. What do you think Hux would have done after you returned from the planet with Snoke? After the last Jedi had been killed? Or what if you hadn't returned? He would have had me killed, because I was the last one the Jedi trained and then he probably would have turned on you and the Knights of Ren, completely extinguishing any remnants of the Jedi." She was angry, her breathing becoming short and ragged. This was what they always did. Sometimes both ended up very angry at the other. Rey stopped and took a clearing breath before explaining as calmly as she could, "The plan is to continue training. To let you out and have you stay here until you decide what you want to do, where you want to go."

"I want to go back to the First Order." He quipped.

"Ugh fine, then you can. Are you going to leave our training unfinished then?"

That thought stopped him as he came to stand in front of her. "No." He said slowly, lowering himself to sit. "You really want to let me out just to train with you?"

"Well you'll likely have to earn it but yes." She nodded pushing the tray of food towards him. He squinted at her and reached for the food, his stomach growling at the prospect.

"Fine." He shoved an entire roll into his mouth. She grinned at the gesture, clearly amused.

"Thank you. I'll be back tomorrow." She rose.

"Can't you stay just a little longer?" He reached out to grab her arm, to stop her. She raised her eyebrows then and really looked at him; at how gaunt his face had become, how hollow he seemed and against her better judgement she nodded as she sat back down and he released her.

"How has it been?" He asked between bites. "Being with the Resistance? Is it everything you imagined?"

"No." She mumbled slowly, slightly fascinated as it seemed like he inhaled his food. "It's lonelier than I thought it would be." She admitted. She never was completely certain why she was so honest with Kylo, maybe because he could and likely would go searching for the answer himself if she didn't admit the truth aloud.

"How?" He said around the food in his mouth.

"I dunno." She shrugged not really willing to put into words how she felt.

 _Rey_ , his thought brushed her mind. She instinctively pulled away, tried to block him.

"It just seems like if there are so many people around, I shouldn't be able to be lonely." She ground out not wanting him in her mind. The last few weeks had been tumultuous and her feelings on everyone from Luke to Kylo were a jumbled mess that she tried desperately not to think about. Finn was the only thing in her life right then that didn't confuse her. "Maybe it's that I've just arrived and haven't really been given many assignments." She shrugged, looking down at the table.

"Am I your only assignment?" He sat back in the chair, clearly amused at the prospect.

"Haha, no." She waved her hand dismissively. "You're my most difficult one for sure. But I'm helping the mechanics retrofit things, learning to fly a x-wing…"

"I don't like you flying a x-wing." The odd protective side of the young Ren coming through.

"Too bad." She said unphased. "And the rest of the time I am supposed to be working with you."

"And spending time with Finn, the traitor." He finished her unsaid thought.

"Yes." She admitted simply.

"Come back tomorrow, we'll resume training." He dismissed her. Rey rolled her eyes as she rose and banged on the door to have the guards let her out.

Rey exited the small cell and headed straight for the mess hall. Finn and Poe were talking about the last dogfight and where the fleet should move to next. Rey sat grinning as she watched the two interact; clearly they had become good friends over the last year.

"Where do you think we should go?" Poe asked as he pushed his food tray away from him, turning his attention to Rey.

"I'm not even sure I get the finer points of the Resistance, so I'm not sure. It seems like all we ever do is move. Maybe we need a more proactive plan." She shrugged.

"Yes. Yes!" Poe pointed a finger at Rey. "That is what I've been saying all along. We need to build ourselves a death star or something, or infiltrate their ranks and corrupt them from the inside like they did the Republic."

"You know we don't have the resources to do that. We're barely able to keep the people here alive without building a death star and manning it. And infiltration isn't possible with the way the troopers are run. The first time they wouldn't do something they'd be sent to reconditioning and the whole thing would be over." Finn was clearly frustrated. He and Poe had been having the same conversation for at least the last 6 months.

"What was Master Luke's plan?" Rey asked sadly.

"He would only discuss it with General Organa so we have no idea. I'm betting though that at least half of the plan was to kill Snoke. And you did that so maybe we're right on schedule." Finn said a little bit sarcastically, clearly not liking being left out of the loop.

"I wonder who will rise to take Snoke's place?" Poe pondered almost as a rhetorical question.

"Well since Kylo is here, I would assume General Hux." Rey shrugged as if it were clear to everyone.

"You mean that power hungry ginger?" Poe looked flabbergasted that Rey knew who he was. "Oh I forgot you were on that destroyer."

"Yeah for about a week. He seems quite young to be murdering so many people and wanting to take over the galaxy." She mused.

"So does Ben." 

"True. Very true. But the General has me working on that so hopefully he won't go back to the First Order. And the only person I ever saw him kill personally was his father. It seems the rest he just gives the orders to others and they do his dirty work for him."

"I don't know how you can be in the same room as that monster." Finn commented quietly. He'd been shocked when Luke had arrived without Rey and told everyone that she'd voluntarily went with Kylo Ren. "I don't know how you let him train you."

Rey sighed. She wasn't sure she understood it herself. "To be honest, I'm quite confused about it. I was mad at Luke and confused by the Jedi way. I know that I can never be a Jedi, even if everyone wants me to be the next Jedi. They are too focused on compassion and peace. I feel passion, I feel anger and I don't want to have to live a half existence. So I chose to see what the other side is like. It has its benefits. Unfortunately, Kylo Ren is the strongest and best equipped to teach me. So I went. And he isn't quite the monster he strives to be. He's very unsure of himself and confused, just like the rest of us. And at some point that made me think of him as a person more than a monster."

"You're far braver than I am." Finn's tone was serious. "If he hurts you though, I'll kill him."

"Here here." Poe raised his cup to that. They laughed and toasted to that. Rey smiled to herself realizing that maybe the loneliness was only in between the interactions like this. And that was something she could handle.

The next day Rey woke bright and early, excited to join Chewy in repairs on the Falcon. She'd been helping whenever the parts came in, which was pretty infrequent. It made her realize how stretched the Resistance was when they had to wait weeks for a part. She dressed for the day, slinging her staff over onto her back and set out to find the Falcon.

Hangar bay 3 housed all of the odd-looking ships the Resistance used, the ones that didn't fit neatly in a line like the x-wings. Chewy was outside of the Falcon working on the compression coils. Rey waved up to him calling out "What do you need me to do?" He gave a few calls of reply, telling her to go work on the hyperdrive overload cells.

The cells were sitting on the floor of the Falcon where she'd left them more than a week ago. Sighing she began tracing the wiring of each cell, trying to locate the short. It was tedious work but eventually she found every fry out, every busted link. She soldered them back in the correct path before shoving the cells back into the hyperdrive. Flipping the switches she checked the energy flow through each cell, noticing that cell three had a slight pulse to it. She growled, flipping the switches off, and ejected the cells again, and started the search for the soon-to-be-busted wiring.

After a few hours it was time for flight training. She was one of 17 new pilots in training. Today was a classroom day, meaning that she didn't have to put her flight suit on or get into the cockpit of an x-wing. She loathed the days they didn't fly.

Poe droned on and on about safety and keeping on your leader's wing. Obeying orders and staying in formation were stressed but only enough that it wasn't complete chaos. It was a very dry class session, one that Rey was glad to be done with after two hours of listening to Poe. It was always strange for her when he went from being Poe, best friend of Finn, to teacher.

Rey steeled herself against the task that was next: resuming training with Kylo Ren. She hadn't even approached General Organa to speak about training somewhere outside of his cell and she knew that the General would want proof that he was cooperating with Rey's requests before she would even consider it, meaning that Kylo Ren had a few more days of eating without coercion before they could move the training to a larger area.

She went to the mess hall first, getting two food trays, before heading to the detention block. Before entering the block she set the trays down and removed her staff and Luke's lightsaber and locked them in a locker. She approached the cell and the guards opened it for her, handing them the key to the locker before stepping through the blast door they opened while they pointed their blasters at Kylo Ren as they had every day.

 Many Resistance fighters had called for his head when they'd first put him under lock and key. It was a very difficult situation for General Organa, one that was causing tension within the Resistance. Rey could feel it subside as the weeks went on but it was still there.

"Rey." Kylo was stoic as he remained lying on the hard shelf that was his bed.

"Kylo." She set the trays on the table. "Come eat." She said implying no room for argument.

"And if I say no?" He asked, remaining as he was.

"Then you will languish in here until the General can determine what is best for the Resistance." She took a drink from her cup. "I will learn with or without you. But it would be much faster if you would help."

"Don't do that." He said sitting. "Don't try to appeal to the compassion in me."

"Fine." She slammed her cup down. "Train me because it suits your needs and maybe eventually we'll stand together on the same side. Or train me so that I don't continue to train as a Jedi, and thus forcing you to kill me some day. Just train me."

"As you wish." He got up to move to the table. They ate in silence as Rey tried to bore holes in Kylo's head with her eyes. She wished she had laser eyes that could cut him down.

"You know how to kill me with your mind." He noticed her intense stare. "Why don't you?"

"For the love of the Force, you're even more annoying like this." She mumbled. "Get up." she stood. He just looked at her standing next to him. "Get up, now." She said forcefully. He rose to his feet wondering what she meant to do. She curled her hand into a fist and aimed for his stomach. Kylo yelped as he jumped backwards.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to punch you." She said as she stood on the chair and came down with both fists in his general direction. She felt him call the Force before she was suspended in the air, mid jump feeling quite foolish.

"You are odd." He circled her. "What do you hope to accomplish?"

"To either punch you or get you out of this 'poor me' sullenness that is following you around. Either suits me." She groused as he released the Force around her and she crashed to the ground. "Ow." She rubbed her knee as she stood after it had hit the ground when he'd released her.

"My Knight in shining armor." He said sarcastically.

"And here I thought you were _my_ Knight since I was the last Ren." She laughed at his dourness. He looked at her strangely then, as if it were the first time he realized that was true.

"Luke's lies were many." He dismissed her comment out of hand.

"Fine. Then what will you be training me in today?"

"Projecting yourself into the real world, not just into others dreams."

"I've never seen you do that." She was skeptical that it was even an ability she could learn.

"Because you haven't been paying attention."

"Fine. Begin."


	6. Draw

It had been weeks since Kylo Ren had begun teaching Rey the finer parts of the dark side, like projection, coercion, and how to think strategically. Rey wasn't very adept at thinking strategically and so it had become their most frequent lesson. Some days they meditated on how the Republic fell, through the puppeteering of Palpatine. Other days, like today, they played a board game like the one on the Millennium Falcon.

"Ugh there just don't seem to be rigid enough rules." She ground out as she leaned forward and placed her arms and sternum against the board before laying her head across the hologram pieces frustrated.

"You lack rigor." He said slightly disgusted at her display of self-pity.  _Maybe this is how she sees me now_ , the thought came.

"It's exactly how I see you now." She sat up and squinted at the damned board. She looked up at him then. "You wallow in here in self-pity. Every day I come I have to tell you to eat and we have to fight before the lessons begin. It isn't strength I see every day." She felt the Force constrict around her throat and she pursed her lips flexing the Force outward to loosen his grip. "Would you stop that?" She said annoyed. "I know you're strong. I know that you have the ability to teach me. But I am sick of having to coerce you to do it each day."

"Did you ever consider it was part of the lesson?" He asked, sighing. Clearly the strategic planning lessons were not coming along as he'd hoped. By now he'd thought she would have understood it was all part of the training. The thought finally dawned on her and she felt his disappointment.

"So what? Maybe I'm not meant to be the master puppeteer like you and Snoke were. Maybe that is why there are always two. To bolster the others inabilities?" She offered.

"Maybe." He paused then, thinking about what she'd said. "Are you saying you'd stay by my side? Or that you need me?" He felt like he was being trapped into something he didn't want or need. She shrugged. "That isn't an answer Rey."

"I don't know." She finally moving her piece. "Everything feels so strange when I am around you."

"Yes I feel it too." He moved his piece and crushing hers. "I feel at peace when you're here. And I don't want to feel at peace."

"But you feel better when I am here." She stated knowing it was true.  _Maybe it's because I am the only interaction he gets_ , the thought came.

 _You know that isn't why_ , his thought came. "And you feel better when you're here with me. You feel passion, even if it is in the form of hate."

"I don't hate you." She admitted for the first time out loud, looking into his eyes, something she rarely did. "I feel…confused. I feel compassion and longing and something else I can't describe. I want to protect you, to pull more on your light so that you don't feel so much pain all of the time. I want you to feel the light and not fear it, especially since Snoke is gone now."

"I don't fear it when it comes from you." He admitted quietly. Rey looked startled by his words but then beamed at him, something he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her do in his direction. He gulped and felt the feelings of friendship, of wanting her to be his friend coming through and he felt the panic rise in him.

"Don't." She whispered as she reached a hand towards him, ready to probe his mind then thought better of it, letting her hand drop to the table. "Don't pull away from it. The panic will subside when you realize you're safe."

"But am I safe with you? Really safe?" He asked. "You're the only other person in the galaxy that could be my death and I'm just supposed to welcome you in?" He scoffed.

"I have no interest in killing you if you would just stop killing those I care about."

"So, join your side." The acidity of his tone told her what he thought of the Resistance.

"No."

"Yes." He said.

"Ugh, fine, maybe I want you to come to our side. I feel it is the right side even if I don't agree with everything that they do."

"Why do you want me to join the Resistance?" He asked puzzled.

"Because you're strong. Because I know how much your mother misses you. And because I feel the conflict in you." She stood, turning her back to him, not wanting to admit any of this. "Because I've been in your mind and know you. Because I care for you, dammit." She mumbled. She felt him stand and waited for the retort or scoffing tone to come from him that he didn't care and would never care for her kind, that her compassion made her undesirable. Or worse she waited for him to try to choke the life out of her as if she had said something poisonous.

Rey was shocked when she felt him place his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. She didn't like him that close; it was a dangerous place for either of them to be. It made it far too easy to inflict a lot of damage on the other one. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders uncertainly. He hadn't hugged anyone in years, hadn't even touched anyone in years and yet here he was pressing the young woman against him, comforting her after she'd admitted a grave thing.

 _I care for you too Rey_ , he said closing his eyes against the emotions moving through him as he said the words, admitted them to her. He'd never hated her the way she'd grown to hate him after watching him kill his own father. He hated himself almost as much as she hated him for going through with Snoke's plan but he'd never been able to hate her, even after he'd watched her kill Snoke. They stood in that embrace for a long while before Rey started to feel something more pulse through her.

"I have to go." She pushed him away, eyes wide knowing it was likely he'd felt the desire that had suddenly risen in her between one breath and the next. He frowned as she banged on the door, desperate to get out of the small space.

"Tomorrow?" He questioned, confused by her sudden departure even if he had felt the spike of lust run through her.

"Tomorrow." She nodded without looking back.

 

* * *

 

 

"My answer is no." General Organa said sternly as she sat across the table from Rey, listening to her recount the progress she'd been making with Kylo Ren. Rey frowned.

"He will not trust me until we allow him out of the cell, even if it is under guard." Rey said skeptical that this was what the General truly wanted for her son.

"I understand that but he is dangerous. Every day I keep him and his followers here, is a day that two factions grow stronger within the Resistance: those who believe in redemption and those who wish for his head."

"I understand," Rey said getting up from the table. "I will continue with the current course." She said moving towards the door of the meeting room.

"What happened between you two today? I felt something change." General Organa asked, her curiosity overwhelming her.

Rey turned towards the woman, his mother of all people, and looked panicked. "I'm not entirely sure." She admitted.

"Alright." The General said smiling softly at her. "Keep me updated."

Rey turned and hurried out into the hallway. Her brain felt like it was overloading and she wasn't sure what she could do about that. Between losing Luke, killing Snoke, and now this new strange attraction to Kylo, Rey's mind seemed to be on overdrive all of the time. She frowned and headed out to the forest to meditate.

When they'd first arrived on the forest planet Rey had gone out exploring, trying to find a place that would just be hers. After the first few days she'd found a large boulder she could climb and see out over the vegetation. She breathed in the forest air, filled with the scent of living and decay, mixing to tell her that she was alive. She sat on that rock until the sunset, clearing her mind.

Rey returned to her quarters to find BB-8 and Finn waiting outside. "Hey guys, what's up?" She opened the door.

"We've finally been assigned." He said following her into her quarters.

"Oh, where to?" She asked.

"Reconnaissance with Poe near Endor. Seems the unoccupied bases from the Imperial Fleet have been started up again and the General wants us to go and watch to see who's using them."

"Well that sounds interesting." She took her staff off and put it near the door. "BB-8 are you going too?" She asked. The droid beeped affirmative that he was going. She smiled at the droid. "Taking the Falcon, well I bet Chewy is going with you too."

Finn nodded. "And you could come too." He offered knowing that she likely wouldn't. She smiled at Finn then.

"I would love to but I think I am finally making headway with the prisoner. Next time?" She offered.

"I'll hold you to that!" He said sitting down on her bunk, the only available space to sit beside the ground, her quarters were covered in junk parts she was working on. "So it's getting better?" Finn asked causally.

"Just today we had a breakthrough. He came towards the light and didn't reject it."

"Well I'm sure if it's you offering it, he's unlikely to reject it." Finn said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh you, stop." She said. "He's rejected it plenty of times I've offered it. I think it's just that I am persistent that he accepted it today."

"Or that you are turning him back to the light." Finn offered.

"Maybe. So tell me more about your mission." She sat on the floor and pulling one of her projects towards her. This was them every night: Finn telling fantastic stories and Rey working on her projects. She would miss it she realized as he described the lengths they would have to go to observe without being detected.

After a few hours Finn started yawning before leaving with BB-8, returning the little droid to Poe. Rey smiled to herself as she got ready for bed. This was the feeling she thought she'd feel all of the time in the Resistance. That thought made her mind return to worrying about what to do about Kylo. She must have fallen asleep worrying, she woke the next day remembering snippets of her nightmares: Kylo escaping, a hot planet covered in darkness, her screaming his name, light sabers clashing.

The day started just like the one before: help with the ships, flight school, Kylo. It was beginning to feel comfortable as though it was all she would ever do.

"You're quiet today." Kylo commented as they worked on projection.

"Hum, oh yeah." She said trying to project herself out of the cell.

"What's wrong?"

Rey paused in her attempt to push her mind outward and focused on Kylo for the first time that day.

"Was it because of what happened yesterday?" He asked peering at her curiously.

"No, not exactly at least." She stared at him as if he was foreign again to her, as if it was the first time she was seeing him. "I had a bad dream." She admitted. "After General Organa had turned down another request to allow us to train out in the forest."

"The dream was about me?" His lips quirked up slightly, almost in a smile but not quite making it to a full smile.

"Yes." She rolled her eyes then. "It was a nightmare."

"Ah." He nodded. "The visions."

"What? What visions?"

"Those strong with the Force, can see into the future that might become." He said.

"So what I saw will happen?!" She stood, panicking. The feeling that had settled over her throughout the day wasn't pleasant.

"Not necessarily. It is just one possibility." He took a breath and asked the question that immediately came to mind. "Did you kill me?"

"No." She hesitated slight, somewhat uncertain. They'd certainly clashed but she hadn't seen his death.

"You don't seem sure."

"I'm not. But we fought." Her voice was quiet.

"We always fight." He dismissed her fear in three words.

"Not like this. I've never been that angry before."

"It might not come to pass." He shrugged and got to his feet. "Why did you leave so quickly yesterday?" He changed the subject hoping it was enough to distract her from the worry that was clear on her features. She looked at him, mouth agape.

"I know you felt it." She looked at his smug features before turning her gaze to her feet. "I didn't know what to do. I've never felt those feelings while in contact with someone before."

"You've never had sexual feelings?" Kylo was skeptical.

Rey's head shot up to look at him once more. "Of course I have! Just not while the person was there and definitely not while hugging them. It seemed wildly inappropriate so I left." She sniffed, nodded her head as if it make perfect sense. "And besides I don't want to have those feelings towards you."

Kylo Ren laughed then but it was a dry and bitter laugh. "You think the universe cares who you  _want_  to have feelings for?" He shook his head. "How do you expect to ever have any sort of romance if you think it's only appropriate to have those feelings while you're alone?"

"I think we're done for the day." She said curtly. The previous night's dreams were still there and she was getting very uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Rey, come on. It's a valid question."

"Well it's not a question I want to discuss with  _you_."

"The thought was about me…" he smirked then, outright smirked at her discomfort. Rey thought about putting him in a Force hold for a second to wipe the smile from his face before she cracked a smile.

"You don't know that." She teased back. He narrowed his eyes at her before realizing she'd already admitted it was about him.

"Until tomorrow then milady." He said bowing.

"You're insufferable." She said banging on the door as she tried to keep her giggles to herself.

Kylo smiled after Rey left thinking that his plan was going well. She was starting to trust him, and not only that, she was attracted to him. He imagined how much more easily it was to coerce those who felt affection towards him before a small stab of guilt went through him. He sat on the bunk pondering why he would feel guilt, already knowing deep down why he felt guilty. She wasn't the only one who had felt their interactions change and it hadn't only changed for her.

The plan, before she'd come willingly to train with him, had been for Kylo to be kidnapped by the Resistance, so that he could glean information from the Resistance. What he didn't anticipate was how strong his mother's resolve was that she would not let him out on base. In fact she hadn't even come to see him once while he was being held.  _No doubt for fear she might feel something and let me out_ , the petty thought came. He frowned. The plan was unfolding, just not as quickly as he would have liked; being stuck in a cell was getting tedious. When he reflected though he knew that it was happening exactly as it should, with Rey coming to his side every day and training with him.

That night he thought about Rey. How could she not have had any sexual interaction at her age? How desolate was Jakku to not have some experience? He drifted off to sleep thinking about how pure she seemed and maybe that was why, that she lacked experience. Maybe.

The nightmare ripped Kylo awake in a panic. He had been fighting Rey on Mustafar. She was angry at him, so unbelievably angry. Breathing heavily he understood her sadness and distraction the day before. He rose from the bunk and began his forms, the same forms he did every day.

Rey was late that day, still hyper from her first real dogfight in a x-wing. She loved flying. It was like nothing else and it cleared her mind completely. She entered Kylo's cell and immediately knew something was off. There was a tension in the air that hadn't been there before. It crackled with the energy coming from him sitting in the corner on the floor.

"You're late." His voice carried in the small space, anger vibrating through.

"Yes." She stopped.

"I have nothing left to train you on." His curt admission came out strangely, as if he didn't want to be saying it.

"What?" She moved across the room concerned. "Of course there is more."

"No, there isn't. We're done."

"What? I don't understand." She stopped coming to stand in front of him.

"I had the same dream." He bit out. "I don't know how it happens but I won't let it."

"Oh." She felt the feeling from flying, the joy she felt completely evaporating as she felt the sheer terror of the dream come back. "It's ok. You said that it is a possible future." She squatted down and rubbed a hand on his bicep, trying to be reassuring.

"That was just to make you feel better." He looked up at her as she sat slightly taller than him still. "It is likely it will happen."

"How do you escape then?"

"You saw me escape?" He questioned, leaning towards her.

"Yes. I assumed that is why I was so angry." She rolled her eyes. "And then I had to chase you across the galaxy."

"I don't know how I escape."

"But you will escape whenever you get the chance." She made it a statement.

"Of course. You did." He pointed out. She chuckled at that.

"So don't escape if you have a chance." She said as if it made perfect sense.

"Why not?" His question was innocent on the surface but they both knew that he was probing for a more in depth reason: he wanted her to want him to stay. "Rey?" He reached out a hand to move a stray hair from her face. Her eyes widened but she didn't move to make him stop.

"Because I'm just starting to like you. I don't want to have to start again." She whispered, folding her legs under her, which put her even closer to him. He put both hands on her face then, feeling the panic she was trying to push down.

"So bright." He murmured. "So sweet." She bit her bottom lip, trying desperately not to move. Not to get up and run for the door, and not to fall into his arms. She closed her eyes and licked her lips, calming her breath and reaching for the Force. She could feel the Force where he touched her face, his particular brand of the Force: the part that kept him separate from the ebb and flow of the Force, with her own she traced the lines down his arms with hers until it reached his face. He gasped.  _What are you doing?_  The thought came. Her eyes flew open and she smiled then.

"I have no idea." She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. She caught her balance against the wall as the awkward angle made everything more difficult. He groaned at the touch and his hands flew out to steady her, large hands splaying against her rib cage. It was a small touch but it made Rey gasp and wrap her arms around his neck as she straddled him, even as she tried to deepen the kiss.

"Rey. Stop." He pushed her back. He panted, clearly unsure of this new development. But as he looked up at her, he couldn't remember why he'd wanted to stop. "Teach me how you did that." He urged as he moved his hands around her back and pulled her close so that as much of her as possible was in contact with him.

Rey's breath came out heavily and she shifted against him delighting in this newfound power she seemed to have over him. "First, close your eyes." She instructed. He did without protest. "Now imagine my Force as different than yours."

"Like an ocean." He said coarsely explaining how he'd always felt about her Force signature.

"Yes. Now imagine your Force." She moved so her breath was a whisper across his face. "Follow my Force with yours where you can feel it where we're touching." She instructed. And he did, he traced the Force against her and through her. Rey gasped and threw her head back feeling the touch all over, a touch that shouldn't be possible. She met that touch with her own, pressing her Force against every part of him that was in contact with her and heard him gasp anew.

She felt his hands tangle in her hair, unbinding it from the way she usually wore it, plunging his hands into it and tipping her head back towards him. He pushed the Force a little more, then took it away as he brought her mouth to hover over his. When he captured her lips with his he pushed heavily on the Force through his mouth and felt her respond in a way that he didn't anticipate.

She let go.

She let him invade her completely. All barriers between them were gone and in that moment they were one. She could feel what he was feeling and he felt what she was feeling. It was a level of ecstasy neither of them had ever experienced just from a kiss.

The world around Rey fell away and came back. She was outside of her body, outside of time, feeling every part of her tingle with pleasure. She seemed to be floating but knew she was still flesh and bone, that she was still being held and kissed by her would-be enemy. At some point she felt Kylo's ecstasy hit the pinnacle she'd already experienced as he came back down from the high.

They ended up with their foreheads pressed together, hugging each other tightly as they came back to their own bodies. As they both pulled back their Force. Rey opened her eyes first and looked at the man who confused her so much. When he opened his eyes she blushed realizing what they'd just done. He moved his hands to her neck and pressed his lips to hers again, just lips and sighed as he pulled back.

"So maybe there are a few more lessons." He said. "Seems you'll be teaching them."

"I have to go." She struggled against him.

"Stay just a moment longer." He pleads holding her fast against him. She looked at him from inches away and felt the same thrill of excitement she'd felt before, even after what they'd just done and nodded.

"Just a moment longer." She whispered pressing her lips to his and settling against him.


	7. Confusion

Rey swore as she dropped the converter for the Falcon for the second time that day. She was distracted and she knew it. She felt the blush rise against the back of her neck as she thought about the day before with Kylo. Jamming the converter into the Falcon as they finished the last few touches before Poe and Finn were to leave on their mission, she jumped down to exit the Falcon. She sighed as she thought about leaving with them, about running away from her own mission but knew she wasn't a coward. She moved to give Chewy the good news that the ship was as ready as it was going to be.

Chewbacca nodded and vocalized that he was happy to be heading off on a mission. It was clear that being grounded so long wasn't good for Chewy.

"Good luck my friend. Keep them safe." She hugged the Wookie and moved to say good-bye to Poe and Finn.

"Come with us." Finn said again, shouldering a bag.

"You know my mission is here. This is yours. You guys go, and may the Force be with you."

"And with you." Poe walked towards the gangplank. "I expect that x-wing to be in once piece along with you when we return." He turned briefly to address her before spinning back to boarding the ship.

"I'm not really great with goodbyes." Finn pulled Rey into a hug. She smiled and hugged him back.

"You guys will be great." She smiled.

"Be careful. Especially with  _him_." He said, clearly meaning Kylo.

"I will." She assured pushing her friend towards the Falcon. "Go. We'll be fine. See you soon."

Rey stood on the hangar deck for a long while after the Falcon had disappeared into the stratosphere. She was delaying the inevitable: facing Kylo that day.

"Late again." He scoffed as he sat on his bunk. He was sweaty from exerting himself somehow.

"Forms?" She asked gesturing towards his appearance.

"Of course." He said as if the sweat should have explained everything.

"Yes I am late again. This time I was avoiding you."

"Why?" He asked.

"Because I liked yesterday. I've been craving it. And that is dangerous." She was standing as far as she could from him. He sighed out in frustration, angling his jaw in a way that let her know clearly that he was frustrated. He stood then moving slowly across the room, giving her time to run, to bang on the door and ask to be escorted out. But she didn't.

"I've always been dangerous." He moved a hand to her cheek. She turned her face away from him then.

"Yes." She agreed.

"All I want to do is touch you." He used his other hand to turn her face back to him.

"It's all I can think about." She whispered looking up at him frightened of the draw she felt looking into his eyes.

He pulled her towards him and pressed his lips to hers expecting the same results as the night before but found that he was giving much more than she was. "Meet me halfway." He muttered as she tried to stand stoic against him. Rey let out a breath as she moved her hand to his face, pushing the Force out and through her hand to meet his. He groaned and kissed her again, feeling the same cascade of pleasure move through him where she touched him. He bent and lifted her, pressing her against the wall.

Rey slowed her movement of the Force into him, pulling back a little at a time until she could only feel him physically pressed against her, not through the Force. She wrapped her legs around him as he pressed against her and began anew, pressing the Force into him again. She did this several times, each time exploring more of him. Kylo sank down to his knees, weak from the repeated play of energy she was pushing inside of him. He mimicked her: each time she would pull away from him, he would push more into her and vice versa.

After the fifth or sixth time she tried to pull away, he tore his mouth from hers "Don't stop." He urged, ducking his head to kiss her neck. "Please don't stop." He murmured raising his lips to hers again, wanting nothing more than to taste her again. Rey stopped pulling back and pressed her Force against him, and not just where they were touching. Kylo's arms tightened around her as he bucked under her mimicking things they'd never done. She knew the moment he'd reached orgasm, the Force within him dragging her over the edge at the same time. Rey gasped at the unexpectedness of it as she tangled her fingers in his hair.

They stayed on the floor trying to catch their breath for a long time. Rey looked pensive as she sat in his lap, trying not to enjoy every second of it. "I don't think you need any more training." She commented and felt him laugh, the rumble from his chest vibrating through hers.

"Neither do you." He moved his hands to frame her face again. He was gentle now with her as though he was afraid to break her. Rey waited for the panic to rise, to want to run. When it didn't come she frowned at him. "What?" He asked.

"Just waiting to feel the panic." 

"Too many endorphins pumping through your brain to panic."

"Maybe." She shrugged. "I could do that all day." She admitted. He laughed then and kissed her.

"How will you update the General on this new development?" He asked. Rey frowned even harder at that. "She'll know immediately."

"She already asked about what had changed the day you hugged me." She admitted confused. "I have no idea what I am going to tell her. That I've stopped trying to seduce you to the light side and have just decided to seduce you?"

He laughed again and thought about how strange it felt to laugh. He hadn't laughed for so long before Rey came into his life. "Well you might be able to convince her that seducing me is bringing me to the light side."

"Is it?" She asked. He frowned and moved his hands from her face, pulling away at the thought. He began trying to extract himself from her when she placed her hands on his face. "Kylo, don't pull away." She tried to keep ahold of him. He stood then and placed her on her feet and removed her hands from his face.

"You're the only one here that calls me that. Everyone else calls me Ben." He tried to change the subject.

"It is the name you chose for yourself. And I've only ever known you as Kylo." She sensed a sadness coming over him. He stepped back from her, trying to increase the distance between them. "Is this bringing you to the light?" She repeated.

"I'm not sure." He admitted.

"Well I don't think it is. It just makes it so it's less likely you'll kill me if given the chance." She stated.

"You hope." He said darkly before feeling relief flood through him.

"See?" She could feel the change in him. "You're still dark. I can go tell the General that I am failing."

"Don't do that." He cautioned. "She'll pull you from the assignment."

"Afraid of a little torture?" Her caustic tone clearly indicating how she felt about the situation.

"No." He paused, thinking about why he didn't want her to tell his mother. "Afraid of not seeing you again."

Rey barked out a bitter laugh. "No, you're afraid we'll never be able to do that little Force groping thing again."

"That too." He nodded. "But I don't like the thought of not ever seeing you again. The torture is just a secondary thought."

"Arggggggg, you are so confusing. You don't want to join the Resistance but you want to be with me, to be by my side. Are you asking me to join the dark side? Wait, don't answer that." She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes trying to sort out what he was saying. "I have to go. I have to get away from you. I'm not sure what to do with you but feel like this is getting even more dangerous each time we do that."

"Will you come back tomorrow?" He asked sullen.

"Maybe." She pounded on the door. "I need to sort this out." She stopped at the guards to instruct them to take the prisoner for a shower and a change of clothes as she walked slowly from the detention block.

Rey didn't go to Kylo the next day. She'd made up her mind almost immediately after leaving him that she needed at least a day to come to terms with what was going on. She could feel the darkness in him but there was some light coming through too. The next day she went to the forest to meditate, staying away from the base almost the entire day. Her thoughts were jumbled, oscillating between excitement at what she and Kylo had been doing, to sheer terror. He could have easily killed her in those moments. Maybe it was the danger that gave her such a thrill. She knew she should tell Leia but couldn't seem to convince herself.

The suns were setting before Rey started to move back towards the Resistance base. As soon as she approached the base she could feel Kylo's pulsing anger. She thought briefly about reaching out for him, but her thoughts throughout the day had been to keep away from him until she could come to terms with what was going on.

Kylo Ren growled his frustration as he felt Rey come back from the forest. His anger grew worse as she was actively trying to block him. He could feel her pull away each time he approached her mind. He wondered briefly if she was using the distance as a torture technique, and decided that she likely hadn't even considered it when removing herself from the situation.

Rey continued her meditations for a week without going to see Kylo and she could feel his anger grow each day. She felt that what she was doing was hurting him but knew that it was best to avoid him until she could figure out what to do. She was puzzled by why they were both so attracted to one another. It just didn't make sense; she should have been attracted to Finn or Poe, Resistance fighters who shared her vision of what was right and wrong in the galaxy. And the thought that always followed that was that Ben Solo had been born into the Resistance, that he had to believe some of it and if she could just pull more light out of him, then maybe he would be on her side. Rey would shake her head then, knowing that those particular thoughts were a justification so she could keep falling into his arms.

By the eighth day General Organa had been notified of her avoidance of Kylo Ren and she summoned Rey to the CIC.

"I understand you're not interacting with Ben." The General said calmly.

"Yes. I am having some difficulties keeping my personal feelings out of the situation." Rey nodded as the General started walking, Rey followed.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Leia asked.

Rey looked at her then. "Because I was ashamed of how far I let it get." She mumbled as they continued to walk outside.

"Rey." General Organa chided as she stopped and turned to the girl. "I am his mother, I know the difficulties of feeling a personal connection with him."

"Yes. I should have come to you." Rey nodded again. "I don't know what to do." She whispered as she felt tears of frustration sting her eyes.

"Have the master Jedi counseled you?" Leia asked reaching out to hug Rey. Rey shook her head.

"They feel they cannot help me with this path since it is so far outside the light side." She mumbled as she hugged Leia.

"I'm afraid I will have no counsel to give you either. I am his mother, I want him to be happy. And the change I've felt over the past few weeks has been positive. I am hopeful that if you continue with the assignment that you will be able to bring Ben back." She rubbed circles on Rey's back, comforting her. Rey pulled back then to look at the general.

"I'm not sure Ben will be able to come back. I might be able to get Kylo Ren to come into the light on occasion but I don't think Ben will ever come back." She admitted. Leia nodded in understanding.

"I can hope though." Leia's tone was wistful. "Now, will you continue your mission?"

"Of course General. I will be more careful though with the training."

"And come speak with me if you feel you're compromised." She said. "The turmoil you feel lets me know that you are fighting the personal connection. That you're still in control."

"As much as I ever am with him." Rey wiped her eyes.

"Good." The General said. "Weekly reports again then?"

"Yes General Organa."

Rey decided to confront Kylo immediately instead of slogging through her work for the day thinking about the encounter. Her footsteps were determined as she moved through the base towards the detention block and she felt his realization that she was coming. She locked her sabers in the lockers and waited for the guards to open the cell.

"Back at last." His lips curling into a sneer as he sat on the bunk with his legs up and crossed in front of him. "Following orders little Rey?"

"Yes." She said as the door closed behind her, darkening the cell. There was a long pause before she spoke again, Kylo waited knowing his anger was apparent to her "This scares me. What we did scares me." She gestured between them as she stood on the other side of the room from him.

"So you're saying no more?" He moved to stand. She watched the movement and felt her heart hammer in her chest and she couldn't tell if it was from fear or from desire.

"No. I'm saying not all the time." She warned as he took a step in her direction. "And definitely not when you're this angry with me." He stopped his movements and stood staring at her. He was positive that she would put an end to their fumbling.

"You do always have a way of surprising me." He stated.

"I feel drawn to you." She shrugged "Stopping doesn't seem like an option, even if it does scare me. I know you feel it too."

"Yes." He agreed as he felt his anger leaving him slowly as he realized what she was saying.

"We will resume training tomorrow." She confirmed curtly as she moved to bang on the door to be let out.

"Until tomorrow." He said.

 

* * *

  

"Again." Rey demanded sitting across from Kylo a few months later. She'd still been unsuccessful at convincing General Organa to allow them to train outside of his cell, which had slowed her hand-to-hand combat practice but otherwise hadn't affected the rest of the training. Today she was the teacher: having him try to control his anger and rage once raised. It was the third time this session she was asking him to recall something horrible, something that made his skin crawl with anger and then have to calm himself.

Kylo was very unhappy that for some of the lessons he was now the student. He took a breath and thought about how much he hated Luke. How often he'd been made to feel insignificant and small besides his uncle. And then he thought about all of the people who were dead because of Luke, including his grandfather, and the rage that was always there, always simmering just under the controlled voice, boiled to the surface.

"Good. Now think about your calming, inner space." She mumbled quietly. The first few times they'd done this the guards had had to come in after Kylo had tried to attack Rey when he was blinded by his rage. She just blinked at the guards as the light streamed in and Kylo Ren hung in the air, held by the Force after knocking the chairs and table over trying to get to her. The outburst had scared Rey and Kylo knew that he would have to learn to control it or she would be lost to him forever, he could see it in her eyes those first few times as she thought about running and never coming back.

Many nights over the last months Kylo had contemplated who was playing whom. He was beginning to believe that maybe she was better at the strategic planning than she let on, allowing him to believe that she didn't understand it all while maneuvering him into a place where he would actually care about her. And some nights he really began to wonder how much more light he could allow, how much more of Rey he could permit into himself before he wouldn't be able to find the Dark Side any more. He'd been tempted long before she came into his life and now that she was the only thing he interacted with he was afraid to loose himself every time they ended up in each other's arms.

Kylo pulled on the Force, thinking about sunlight and clouds and any other number of calming things and willed his anger to subside. Sometimes he had to go through the entire catalog of images before he felt the anger subside but he'd managed it for weeks now and it was getting easier. If he was honest with himself the part that drove him was the thought of being able to touch Rey again without her feeling threatened. It was usually that thought that finally would do the trick that the reward was worth the price.

"Good. Very good." She pulled up one leg and tucking it under her. She leaned forward and felt as the Force filled him instead of the anger. "And you said it wouldn't work." She chided as he opened his eyes and looked at the woman in front of him.

"It never has before."

"Maybe you just weren't patient enough with yourself?" She asked.

"Maybe." He scoffed as he reached across the table to take her hand. "Or maybe the thought of you running from this room and never returning was a better motivator to me than anything Master Luke could come up with as a viable reason to squash the hate and passion I feel sometimes."

"Maybe." She smiled at him.

"Come here." He insisted pulling on her hand.

"In a minute." She took her hand back. He frowned at her rebuff. "I've been given a new assignment." She started. "It's off world."

"What?" His features turned hard then and she watched as the anger rose in him a little again. Closing his eyes he breathed deeply before opening them again. "When?"

"Next week."

"What's the mission?"

"I can't tell you."

"See this right here is why I hate the Resistance. Why I hate attachment. You make me care for you and now you're going racing off towards your death."

"You don't know that."

"Well I don't know anything about the mission so I am going to assume that it is dangerous and horrible and completely unnecessary."

"It is necessary."

"Why can't they send someone else?"

"Because my particular set of skills are needed."

"Then take me with you." He offered.

"You're not part of the Resistance and you know your mother won't go for that."

"Don't go then."

"I'm going to go. It's my first off world mission."

"And could be your last. If you think I am unstable now, what happens if you don't return? What happens if I have to feel you die?" He spat angrily trying to turn things around on her.

"Don't do that. Don't try to manipulate me into staying." She got up and moved to stand in front of him, within touching distance. He looked up at her, felt her closeness and swore under his breath as he reached up and tugged her shirt towards him. Rey ended up in his lap, feeling ridiculous.

"Don't try to kiss your way into letting me let you go." He retorted locking his arms around her and pulling her close.

"Letting me go? Do you hear yourself?"

"Yes letting you go. I could go on a hunger strike until you return." He offered as she brushed her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and growled softly at the touch.

"You're insane."

"You're insane too." He opened his eyes.

"Just shut up and kiss me then." She pressed her lips to his.

A week later…

Rey shoved her bag in the compartment under the x-wing as she prepared for her mission. She was heading to Boz Pity as an Ambassador to a group of outsiders who Leia wanted to bring into the Resistance. It was supposed to be a diplomatic mission. Rey tried to contain her excitement at finally being of use to the Resistance. She double-checked that her new robes were safely secured before she went to find R2-D2. She seemed to have inherited him once Luke had been put to rest.

After telling R2 that she would be ready to leave within the next two hours she set off to see Kylo. They'd spent the better part of the week fighting about her mission and how dangerous it would be. She never mentioned what the mission was and to her relief he didn't search her mind to find out.

"I don't like this Rey." He started as soon as she set foot in the door.

"Well I do." She said. "Look I came to say good-bye. I'll be back before you know it."

"You have no idea what you're walking into." He said trying to get her to admit her mission.

"Maybe not to the same level you would but I've been reviewing the history with you and General Organa now for months. And I know my mission. And besides it's not like I'm going anywhere near the Core planets." He raised his eyebrows at that. It was the first clue she'd given.

"Please reconsider letting me go with you. Or take that Finn traitor you're so fond of." He gestured wildly at the door.

"He's on his own mission. I'll have R2 with me, don't worry."

"But I  _am_  worried." He paused. "And I hate it."

"You can feel me." She walked up to him and put her hands on his biceps feeling the heat of his skin through the thin shirt they'd given him. "You'll know I'm ok."

"And I'll know when you're in trouble and not be able to do anything about it. And that thought terrifies me."

"Kylo, I'll be fine. I'm not going anywhere near the fleet."

"They're not the only ones you have to worry about." He ground out.

"I know that."

"Do you though? Really? You lived on a planet by yourself for 18 years, isolated. You are open and vulnerable and it radiates from you."

"I am not going to change who I am because the Galaxy is a hard place. I will survive. Have no doubt about that."

Kylo nodded, understanding that she was going to do this with or without a proper goodbye. He moved his arms to pull her to him then, to hug her, to feel her solid against him before she left. He'd watched so many leave and never come back.

"I don't doubt you'll do your best to survive." He caught her chin with his hand and tilted her face upwards. "Come back in one piece will you?"

"Of course." She looked up at him before he lowered his lips to hers. Kylo's hands roamed over her shoulders and down her back. Rey made a small sound of pleasure as his fingers reached the bottom of her shirt and snaked his hands up her shirt as he bent down to lift her against him. He sat on the hard bunk as he continued kissing her and roaming his hands around the soft skin of her back. Rey pulled back briefly to pull her shirt over her head before trying to return to kissing him.

"Wait, stop." He grabbed her hands as she tried to unbutton his shirt. "We've never done this before and you want to do it now?"

"Yes."

"Why?" His brow furrowed. He'd enjoyed the slowness of everything they'd been doing, even if it frustrated him immensely. She could go weeks without even letting him touch her because she had control over her emotions and her needs. And he'd given her space, knowing that the emotions between them were confusing at best and harmful at worst.

"Because I want to know you're mine." She blushed as she said it but he felt the honesty behind what she said.

"You already know that." He rubbed his fingers across the backs of her hands. "You have nothing to prove here."

"You don't want this?" She asked, confused and feeling the sting of embarrassment. Kylo smiled a little, biting his lower lip before snaking on arm completely around her waist and grinding himself against her.

"Does that feel like I don't want this?" He asked. She shook her head before he pulled her lips to his again. The kiss was slow and exploring as he rubbed against her. He pulled away again, "I just don't want you to think you have to do this because you're leaving. If you're going to come back we can continue whenever you're ready. Do you want this now?" He asked, feeling her hesitation through their connection.

"No." She sighed out in relief. "You're too sad and angry with me for this to be enjoyable for both of us."

"Then kiss me again and go." He moved his arm around her to trace circles on her back as she frowned and leaned down to do as he instructed.

 

 


	8. Escape

Rey and R2 arrived on Boz Pity right on schedule. She jumped down from the x-wing and pressed the buttons to lower R2 to the ground.

"Ambassador." Someone said behind her as they exited the command center to greet her.

"Hello." She stood as R2 was lowered from the ship and came to her side.

"I am Theo Mark, son of One eyed Kuul. Welcome to Boz Pity." He stood with his hands crossed over in front of him.

"I am Rey of Jakku."

"Welcome. If you would come with me." He motioned back to the doors he'd just come from. Rey removed her bag from below the x-wing, putting Luke's saber at her hip.

"Unfortunately we do not allow weapons of any kind in our city." He motioned towards the saber. Rey's discomfort skyrocketed but she nodded and placed it back in the x-wing, glad that R2 had insisted that he carry her staff in his unit.

"I understand." She  followed Theo.

"General Organa was most insistent that we meet with you." He commented as they walked the halls. "Here are your quarters. We will review our tactical advantage at 16:00 hours. I will have a droid escort you to the command center."

"Thank you." She entered the small bunk, with R2 following her. "I look forward to it."

"Good day." Theo Mark inclined his head curtly before leaving.

"Well, it seems people don't like diplomats," Rey commented to R2 as the door shut behind her. Rey pulled her clothing from her bags and hung it up wondering what on earth Leia was thinking sending her. "R2, can you set up a feed to General Organa?"

R2 beeped out that his communications were being blocked. Rey frowned feeling again that something was off. The display at the far side of the room illuminated.

"Did you need to contact your base?" Theo asked.

"Yes, I need to inform them that I have arrived."

"Let me put you through." Theo evaporated and General Organa appeared as a hologram.

"You made it safely." The General stated.

"Yes sir. We will commence the discussions at 16:00."

"Good." The General could sense what Rey was feeling. "Make sure to ensure that the spices we've negotiated for will be delivered on time. It was one of the conditions of the meeting that we had to make purchases before the meeting would be set up."

"Yes sir." Rey said. "Do we know their ETA?"

"Two weeks from now."

"Understood. I will update you when the negotiations are complete."

Rey pressed the button on the hologram and watched as the transmission ended. She sat down on the very soft bed and pulled her legs under her to mediate. "R2 make sure to rouse me by 15:30" He beeped his agreement and stood in the corner.

Rey cleared her mind and slipped into meditation clearing away the worry and doubt that she'd been feeling as she arrived. She knew that she was there to look at the fleet of ships the traders had and she was under no impression that the people she would be negotiating with would be honorable or cordial.

Half a galaxy away on Jarl, Kylo Ren sat trying to block every emotion he could feel coming from Rey. He'd felt her panic slightly and balled his fists as he sat in the small space, wondering if he'd ever be free of it. The day was frustratingly long without Rey's presence to break up the monotony. Each moment felt like hours as Kylo went through his exercises, his forms, and meditations. He forced himself to eat the horrible food they'd brought him and wondered how long Rey would be gone and if General Organa would send anyone else in to try to interrogate him. He doubted that anyone would be sent in since Rey no doubt had supplied all the information he'd shown her inadvertently while doing training with the mind probes.

As he lay on the hard bunk trying to sleep, he wondered if this separation was part of the General's plan: To give him someone to interact with daily then take her away. It seemed more like something he would do but he knew that the dark side existed in his family. He fell asleep out of sheer boredom, trying not to think of Rey.

At 16:00 hours Rey was escorted to the trade negotiation room. She'd changed into the robes that General Organa had given her and thought she looked oddly adult. R2 followed behind Theo and herself as they entered the small conference room.

"First, thank you for hosting me here." Rey seated herself so she could see the door and so that R2 would be close at hand. She was getting the feeling that Kylo was right, and that these negotiations weren't what the General thought they were. Theo nodded and motioned for her to continue. "As you know we have made purchases, in kind, to facilitate these meetings. General Organa would like assurances that the items will arrive within the next two weeks."

"And where will they be sent to?" Theo asked, his fishing so transparent it was clear Rey was in much deeper than she'd thought.

"That has already been arranged." She shaking her head. "Now, show me what you have in the way of a fleet." She hesitated using the Force, feeling like that should be reserved for a more dangerous time than the first few sentences of negotiations.

Theo pressed a button on the table and a hologram of several ships was broadcast throughout the room. Rey wasn't well versed in the types of ships but knew that they were large. "How many crew?" She asked pointing to the largest one.

"51 personnel are required but typically we host passengers." Theo pulled the largest ship closer with a motion so they could see the details.

"How many do you have and what are their armaments?" She asked as she looked at the larger hologram. It was clear there were guns on the ships, the arrangement of which Rey hadn't seen elsewhere.

"12 Cruiser class, 16 destroyers, 3 light, and one station."

"And your offer to the Resistance has been what so far?" Rey asked knowing exactly what they were offering: use of all of their ships in exchange for only purchasing spices and other commodities through their confederacy. As Rey pushed out with the Force she started to gather feelings from her host, feelings of deception and guile.  _I should have brought Kylo_ , she thought briefly.

_Yes you should have_ , he said, her thoughts waking him.  _You're kidding me?_ The thought came as he realized who Rey was sitting in the room with.  _General Organa sent you **by yourself**  to negotiate with one of the most notorious pirates in the galaxy?_ Kylo got to his feet and went to bang on the door until the guard come. "Get me my mother." He grumbled through clenched teeth.

The guard scoffed, "Yeah, sure, whatever you say." The guard momentarily forgetting who he was dealing with. Kylo squeezed the man's neck and would have broken it if he hadn't heard Rey's voice come,  _Kylo? What do you mean pirate?_  He dropped the guard then and looked to the other guard trying to help his friend up from the ground he'd fallen to after the Ren had released him.

"You," Kylo pointed to the second guard. "My mother. NOW!" He bellowed.

_Rey, I need you to be very careful with what you say to this man._  He thought imagining her on Boz Pity.

Rey tried to concentrate on what Theo Mark was saying while having a conversation with Kylo, knowing she would likely have to ask for him to repeat whatever he was saying as Kylo's anger was making it difficult to think. Theo was saying something about canons, and Rey tried to focus on what it all meant.

"Does that sound like something General Organa would be interested in?" He pressed the same button and the hologram blinked away.

"As I am here, clearly she is interested." Rey sat back.

_Kill him_ , Kylo's voice snarled across her thoughts.

_Shut up!_  She thought trying to get her thoughts together.

"Are there any points that you will not negotiate on?" Rey asked trying to put her thoughts into motion. There were several points that the General had contention with, one being the smuggling and trafficking of living animals and possibly humanoids. Rey wasn't supposed to indicate that the Resistance was aware of any of those dealings.

"Yes." He smiled, thinking that she was agreeing to all of what had just been discussed. "We will personally deliver the items to the Resistance bases." The grin the man was wearing had changed, Rey noticed. It was wilder, less careful.

"That isn't up for negotiation and by the way you're trying to figure out where the Resistance is located I would think that you have an ulterior motive."

The silent guard that Rey hadn't really put much effort into noticing shifted next to Theo, clear that something was changing. Theo laughed. "Clever girl." He wagged a finger at her. "But I'm not going to divulge any secret or overt plans to you."

"Well then, I believe the sham that is these negotiations are over." Rey rose to her feet. "If you would please escort me to my ship, R2 and I will leave."

_Rey_ , Kylo's voice warned.

"We're thinking that it is best if you remain our guest until these negotiations can be completed." Theo rose and motioned for her to exit in front of him.

"You might think that you have some sort of prize here." She stopped on her way out the door. "But I am just the Ambassador for today, tomorrow another will be appointed and my assignment will end. And then you'll be left with another mouth to feed." She tried to remain calm.

"Oh I know we have a prize here." Theo bowed slightly. "That is Luke Skywalker's R2 unit, which must mean that you are somehow Jedi or a relative of the Generals. I would bet she would pay handsomely for your return."

_Tell him that you know his transponder codes and if you're not returned within the next two days to the Resistance that General Organa will 'accidently' leak them to the First Order._  Kylo tried desperately to think of any lie that might get her out of the situation.

"Or better yet, you're the girl who fell the Knights of Ren. They went to the planet during the battle of New Tycho, and they never returned. Maybe you're the reason they didn't return? Wouldn't General Hux be delighted to have you?" Theo's wild side was twisting its way out, one menacing threat at a time.

_Rey, run._  Kylo warned and he realized as her thoughts came in a jumbled mess that she already was running and that she'd likely knocked the guard and Theo out with the Force before starting down the hallway.

Rey ran blindly down the halls, not knowing where to go. "R2, here, here." She motioned him over to an excess port. "Find the ship."

R2 beeped about always being running from someone or something and that she needed to stop following in the footsteps of the Skywalkers.

"Can we talk about this on the way back?" She offered understanding the little droid was quite used to being in the thick of things. "Can I have my saber?" She asked. R2 opened a port and she reached in to grab out the staff squatting down near the droid trying to listen for any alarm that they were loose.

R2 beeped that they were 6 decks below where the x-wing was waiting but that there was some sort of port control.

"Can you override it?" She asked.

R2s beeps were less than stellar, saying the he would have to be in the detention center to do that.

"Where is that?" She asked.

R2 beeps out "This deck, heavily guarded." Rey sighed.

"Well then, let's go."

Kylo stood as two guards had entered before the General with blasters pointed at his chest.

"I heard you were demanding to see me." General Organa said coolly as she entered Kylo Ren's cell. She was trying desperately to contain her fear and excitement, tempered with hesitation that the thing that looked like Ben, wasn't Ben, had called for her finally.

"Why the hell did you send her into that mess?" He hissed, barely contained.

"Rey can handle herself." Leia tilted her head in Kylo's direction, "And you know that." She seated herself at the table and motioned for him to join her. He defiantly stayed standing. "You're angry because fear has overtaken your mind and you can see only the disastrous endings that could come."

"It is weakness." He snarled, feeling the hate rise inside him overcoming the fear.

"It is love." She realized slowly as if it was just dawning on her. "At least as much love as you're capable of giving." She waved her hand dismissively but Kylo Ren could feel Leia's concern and happiness at realizing that Rey was in fact getting through.

"If love is what you showed me when you sent me to train, I want no part of it."

Leia pursed her lips, annoyed. "You begged me to go. Don't you remember Ben? Luke kept talking about the temple, going on and on telling the stories of the Jedi and when he prepared to leave the Resistance in search of it you  _begged_  to go. You think I could have swayed you to stay? You would have ended up stowed away on the Falcon every chance you got, or like that one time you stole one of the x-wings and went on a little walkabout."

"I don't remember that." Kylo's voice was quiet and peeved.

"Well I do." She smiled. "And it is exactly why I sent you with Luke. Because you would have ended up there either way, with or without my blessing. I'd hoped that if you'd been encouraged that it would keep you on the light side. I was wrong."

Kylo Ren was silent, letting her nostalgia hang in the air between them thinking about where he was right then: light or dark. The rage he felt as he thought about Rey being sent on her first mission by herself came to the surface.

"Get her back." He snarled, fear making him more dangerous than usual.

"I have every intention of doing so. But can't you feel it? She'll do it herself." A sad smile graced the General's face.

_Kylo._  Rey's voice chided as she felt his anger rise.  _I am fine, we're going to the detention block to get the port lock lifted from the x-wing and then I'll be back as though I never left._

"Which is why I am here: she will be fine. She will return to the Resistance." Leia got up from her seat and came to stand a few feet in front of her lost son. "But you and the Rens will be gone."

Kylo looked hard at his mother, thinking she'd gone insane. "What?"

"I want you to leave. To go to wild space and never look back. Do it for her. Do it for your father. Do it because it is the right thing to do."

"When have I ever done what is right?"

"Fine, then do it because you are banished from Resistance and Republic space and General Hux has put a bounty on all of the Rens heads. Do it because you have no other place to go."

Kylo Ren couldn't believe what he was hearing: General Organa was letting him go.

"You're weak. You should just kill me." He growled as the two guards motioned for him to come forward.

"No. I am strong because I can let you go. I am strong because I didn't take the easy way out and kill you. It would have been much easier to kill you, justified even. But you are my blood, my life, my  _son_. And I cannot and will not watch as you continue to be Kylo Ren." Tears streaked down her face. "Rey once told me that she could bring Kylo Ren into the light but it wasn't going to bring Ben back. And I knew she was right, knew the moment you killed Han, your father, the one who used to let you steer the damned ship when he thought I wasn't looking or let you shoot his blaster in the forest, that Ben, that  _my_  Ben has been lost to me forever. I loved him. I loved your father. And I love you still too but I can't stand only getting Kylo Ren instead of Ben."

"What of Rey?" He asked understanding now that she might not be able to kill him or have him killed but sending him to wild space was almost certainly a death sentence.

"I will tell her you escaped." She spread her hands wide simply as if it explained everything.

Kylo smirked. "Of course you will." Knowing that the prophecy that was their separate but similar dreams would be fulfilled whether or not he fought it: All of it had come to pass. "You do not know that I won't try to go back to the First Order." He said as they placed manacles on him.

"No I don't. Which is why we will be rotating all of our armaments. It will also mean that I must strategically not allow Rey to know many of our plans for fear they will get back to you." She watched his demeanor sour. "Oh you didn't think that your mother couldn't feel what you two were doing? I know you share some bizarre connection."

"Rey will come looking for me." He admitted.

General Organa ground her teeth wondering if he was right, if the girl was as attached as he was. She knew that Luke had serious doubts that she had the discipline to become a Jedi and completely follow orders, which was rich since Luke almost never followed orders. "Maybe. I will cross the bridge when we come to it." Nodding to the guards, "Take him to the ship. Escort him to wild space with black squadron and disable the hyperdrive." She instructed the guards.

"Sir." They both grabbed an arm of Ren.

"You can't possibly think that is going to happen?" Kylo pulled the Force to him.

"Of course not." She felt him pull on the Force, she stepped up next to him jabbing the needle into his thigh and pushing the plunger. "I know it will happen."

This was not the General Organa he remembered from childhood. The drugs were fast and soon Kylo felt his legs start to wobble as he continued to try to use the Force to keep himself conscious. And then the blackness took him.

"Load him with the others. Drop him at in Wild Space. And make sure to really disable the hyperdrive."

 

* * *

 

 

The detention block was well guarded on Boz Pity, as Rey had expected. She and R2 stood in a doorway with the droid looking for a way in or around the armada they seemed to have posted outside of the block. "Can you do something R2?"

R2's beeps indicated there weren't any possible entry route for something larger than a hive rat. He suggested a normal run of the mill mind trick. Rey blinked at the droid.

"Now is as good as time as any to try this out again." She held her staff out in front of her she strode out into the hallway.

"You, stop." One of the two guards posted outside the detention block said.

"You will let me through." She pushed her will and Force against the guards, finding no fight.

"No." He looked as though he wanted to say more but couldn't.

"You will release my x-wing from port lock." She raised a hand and swiped like Luke had showed her Obi-wan had taught him.

"I will release your x-wing from port lock." One of them said. The other guard pulled the one's arm trying to stop him.

"You will stand guard until he is finished." Rey said sternly.

"I will guard." He conferred.  The other guard disappeared into the detention block. After a few minutes the other guard came back.

"The block has been removed." He confirmed.

"Good. Guard this door. Do not let Theo Mark or anyone else put another block on the ship. Understand?" She asked.

"Yes." The both chorused. Rey smirked to herself, this was certainly getting easier.

Rey turned back towards R2 and gave him a face and two thumbs up before pointing for him to lead the way to level six. It was the longest elevator ride of her life as she felt new movement around the building. She could feel the group of guards gathering near the x-wing and gulped as she readied herself, igniting her staff before the elevator came to a stop.

The first blaster shot whizzed right by her head and she took a large breath as she pulled the Force and used it as Kylo had taught her: to stop the blasts completely...at least a few. The others she deflected with her staff, thankful that deflecting blaster fire was something Master Luke had required her to train on every day with the blaster helmet over her head. It came to her as if she was flexing a muscle, moving easily. She breathed deeply again calling on the light side to balance the pride she felt stab through her.

"R2, get in the x-wing and start everything up." She used the Force to push several of the guards back. They flew much further than she'd anticipated and she remembered why: she'd been sparring with Kylo and Luke for over a year now, non-Force users didn't stand a chance. She grimaced a bit as she thought about how much it must have hurt to be slammed backwards before she turned and ran for the x-wing realizing every one of the guard had gone down.

Pressing the ignition sequence Rey felt the ship move away from the landing pad, the hatch barely closing while she had a moment to wonder about their anti-air defenses before she felt the blaster cannons take aim and fire. Rey dodged and wove her way through before feeling the missiles being launched.

"R2, any anti-missile support would be much appreciated." She dodged another blaster flare, but just barely. "Or wait, is the hyperdrive ready yet?" He beeped affirmative. "Let's try a Han Solo maneuver." She punched in the coordinates to the Resistance base. She pulled back on the throttle just as a blaster shot would have obliterated the small ship as she and R2 were transported into hyperspace.

Rey and R2 arrived back at the Resistance base just after midnight to find people awake and bustling around the encampment. Rey frowned as she walked towards the Command Center, with R2 staying with the ship to finish the post flight safety evaluation. People were running everywhere, shouting, and what looked like packing. It had been months since they'd moved and Rey knew it would be time soon, she just didn't expect it would be while she was gone.

She located the General, walking up to her in a group "We need to talk." She said in a worried tone and watched as surprise graced the General's face. Leia excused her commanders, giving each instructions on where the jump and turned to Rey.

"I take it the negotiations did not go well?" She motioned for Rey to follow her.

"They did not." She confirmed falling in step with the General.

"Well, it is as I feared. We are preparing to move the base at once." She stopped in the corridor and addressed one of the droids hastily.

"Would you have moved before I returned?" Rey asked puzzled by the late hour of the preparations.

"What?" Leia stopped looking concerned and reaching out to rub Rey's arm. "Of course not. We would have waited until you arrived."

Alarms were going off in Rey's head: something was off. Maybe not that they would have left without her but something, like the negotiations, was definitely off.

"I guess where do you need me then?" She asked. "Keeping track and escorting the prisoners?"

"Oh. No Rey there are others who can do that." Leia pressed her lips in a hard line. "But you should know that Kylo escaped."

"What?! How?!" Rey's exclamations could be heard throughout the hall.

"Well he felt your panic and fear during the negotiations and against my better judgement I went to him. I'm not sure what I thought I would do. But he overpowered my guards and left, freeing the knights and stealing one of our cargo ships."

"They couldn't have gone far." Rey said, already strategizing where he might go. Her thoughts immediately went to Mustafar.

"We don't have time to find out. He's likely back with the First Order, planning to return soon. It is why we are readying to leave at this late hour." Leia signed something that was handed to her. "Listen, go report to red leader and help evacuate the transport ships. We might not have much time."

"Yes sir." Rey said as she ran off back towards her x-wing, still unable to shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right.


	9. Seperation

Kylo Ren woke up groggy and sore. He reached out with the Force and felt that he was on a ship. He pushed himself up and stood in one fluid motion thinking back how he'd let his own mother get the drop on him. His own knights couldn't approach that level of stealth. _Well at least I know she's half Vader for sure now_ , he thought as he oriented himself to the ship. Looking around at where his brethren were lying in similar positions on the floor, clearly not as well cared for as he had been. Most had beards and smelled as though it had been a very long time since they'd taken them to the showers.

Kylo sniffed and turned to try to find the cockpit of the infernal ship they were on. It was some sort of cargo ship; the breath was too wide to be anything else unless it held x-wings for transport, which would have just been asinine. Sitting in the captain's chair, he looked down at the console trying to remember how to decipher Bocce. It had been years since he'd tried to read one of the languages outside of the First Order. He tried for a few moments before giving up and just trying to look at the pictograms of the engines and the hyperdrive. Pressing the buttons he thought at least something would happen and when it didn't he frowned.

"She didn't." He jumped up and over the chair and walking straight back towards where the engine room would be on a ship like this. Wrenching the grating up in several sections Kylo jumped down about five feet into where the hyperdrive should be or at least access to the damned thing should be. After opening the access panel he growled. "She's trying to get me killed. My own mother is trying to have me killed." He looked at the frayed wires. There were entire pieces missing: They'd removed the compression coils, the drives, and the converters. There wasn't any way to hot wire the damned thing now and Leia knew it. Kylo sighed wishing his parents had been more normal for the millionth time in his life.

Slamming the grating back over the hole Kylo returned to the cockpit to try to determine where they were. The ship's controls did move the ship and he swung the ship around to see a planet arch into view across the top of the cockpit, just in time for a transmission to come in as a ship approached them.

"Unknown ship: disengage your descent and prepare to be boarded." A voice came over the communicator.

"Is this the First Order?" Kylo asked almost hopeful.

"This is Rutan Patrol. Prepare to be boarded."

Kylo tried to think of how to get out of the situation. Running back to the cargo portion of the ship he looked around to see if any of the Knights of Ren were roused yet. They all lay useless, less than useless on the deck of the ship. He looked for something, anything to use against the people who were boarding the ship and found the ship barren and without assistance. Standing tall he faced the bay door and waited, resigning himself to whatever happened next. If he could get to Rutan maybe he could contact Hux. There was absolutely no way they believed he'd joined the Resistance.

The doors opened and armed guards came pouring out and onto the cargo ship. Kylo watched in amusement as they scurried along, nothing like the storm troopers he was used to. The entire operation lacked rigor. Stifling his amusement at their expense he stood in the ill-fitting clothes from the Resistance waiting to try to justify allowing him and the Rens to land on Rutan.

"Idents." Someone clearly in charge asked.

"I have none." He said realizing just how difficult this process might get.

The woman looked around at the group passed out on the floor, mulling over the fact that they had no idents. "What are you? Prisoners escaping from somewhere?" She asked not looking directly at Kylo.

"Prisoners of the Resistance. We were banished for fear the people of the Resistance would defect to us."

"And who are you that they would think to do that?" She asked finally looking at the tall man, who was clearly wearing clothes that did not fit him: black pants and shirt were dirty and too short or small.

"I am General Organa's son." He wondered breifly if it had more currency out here than being Kylo Ren.

"The General has stated she has no son. That he died."

"Yeah well I didn't."

The person in charge, Kylo couldn't even tell if they had a rank, thought about that for a moment, seeming to find no lie in the young man standing in front of her. "Fine. What is your business on Rutan?"

"To find a hyperdrive or to locate a ship and find someone I lost."

"So you and your friends don't intend to stay?" She asked suspiciously, looking at the knights sprawled out on the floor.

"Definitely not."

"Fine. You may land in quadrant 16. Be sure to get some idents while you're there. And make sure you sell this thing for parts before you leave. We don't need your trash piling up on our planet." She said before turning to leave.

Kylo Ren waited until the airlock was in place before striding back to the cockpit and angling the ship down to the plant. Slowly the Bocce was coming back to him as he found quadrant 16 and landed the ship. Raking his hand through his hair he sat in the chair a moment and thought about what had just happened.

Closing his eyes he reached out to Rey. _Little light, little Rey, where are you? Are you safe?_ He thought out trying to find her. Trying for humor even within his own mind and finding it fell flat. The Force echoed of her but her thoughts didn't come to his. He could feel that she was safe but couldn't connect directly with her.

Frustrated he got up from the chair again and looked for a bag, then smirked realizing that he was going to pick the ship apart trying to get enough to leave this forsaken planet, realizing it was exactly where Rey was not two years before. He began taking anything that he could pry off the ship and putting it into the bag he'd found. After a while he started to fill any container he could find with parts. The fuel cells should fetch a pretty good price and he knew that with a few tricks he could get enough credits without drawing attention to get a hyperspace worthy ship.

The others started waking and noticing what Kylo was doing they started to move around the ship detaching anything and everything they could. They didn't ask questions, just followed his actions. _I forgot how nice it is not to fight for every little thing with a person_ ; his thoughts came as he watched everyone move around the ship. His second in command came over carrying a fuel cell and looking ragged.

"Sir, what if we stayed here for a short while and built an alliance?" Ka'Ren asked.

"To what purpose?" Kylo asked breaking a transducer loose.

"To take what is ours. To bring the balance to the galaxy that is our true purpose." He said. Ka'Ren's eyes glowed yellow beneath hooded eyes. It was the only foreign part of the man who stood before Kylo. The rest of him was completely humanoid: tanned skin, even after months being prisoner. Kylo frowned thinking back on the last time he'd looked on Ka's face. He thought for a moment, formulating what that would look like, how much time it would take them and who they would need to sway. Kylo's mind started ticking off leaders that were neither Resistance nor First Order, thinking of how to best play them to agree to join him. "We could truly be Knights of Ren, beholden to no master."

 

* * *

  

Back at the Resistance…

It took over a week to establish the base, sometimes longer. When they had landed on Chardaan, Rey had been sent to help install and repair many units around the base. The move was hard on the equipment especially since the moved had been so hasty. Rey sighed as she stepped into her shared new room. She unrolled her roll and collapsed on it, face down, exhausted from being up from more than 24 hours. Sleep took her before she could even think about fighting it.

The next day dawned too early for Rey and she wondered if anyone would even notice if she didn't get up and go help with assembling the new base. She moaned and dragged her tired body up off of the ground. She finally took off her dress suit and replaced it with something more suitable for crawling around engines and under consoles.

Rey listened as she worked. People were talking about the escape of Kylo and about the things left over on the planet; Chardaan had been part of the New Republic but from the remnants of the planet it was clear that none of those people were left. People spoke in hushed tones as if the ghosts of the former residence could hear them. They did not speak quietly enough that Rey didn't hear the speculations about how Kylo had managed to get free.

Leia heard the same speculations in the same hushed tones and tried not to react. None of them suspected that he was banished and she intended to keep it that way for as long as possible. The plan had a lot of risk in it, especially since she was still unsure as to where Rey's allegiance was. She knew what it was like to be fresh in the Resistance, she'd watched Luke and many others struggle with the thought of dying and the horrible realization after friends were lost on a raid or attack that this was real. And she still had no idea if Rey was attached to her son. She knew that she should be happy about the entanglement but really she was just concerned for Rey and what it would mean for any future she might want to have. It was a calculated risk, one that Leia had serious doubts about.

Rey looked across the space to the General sensing her worry. Rey waved and received a smile and nod back as the General was turned back by her aides to address something they were holding. Rey looked down at the spanner in her hand and worked her way over to the new panel maintenance had just set down with the lift. The wiring was being dropped down from the ceiling. Each person knowing what they were doing. Rey was there to troubleshoot and assist as needed, which typically was a lot as the electrical was prone to surges.

"I'm going to check out the geni and see why we're getting surges." She said to no one in particular, turning to head out to the generators.

The planet, like so many others, housed fallen pieces of imperial ships, shipyards that had crashed to the surface. Rey was thankful for that, it would supply them with plenty of replacement parts over time and she made a mental note to tell the General that some should be sent out to scavenge the ships in the next few weeks. Who knew how long it would be before the First Order showed their faces again?

Rey discharged the generator and flipped the switch to turn unit three completely off before opening any of the paneling. She found the problem in the voltage converter, pulling it out of the unit and examining it. She tried to focus on what might be wrong with the unit but still couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. She sighed, leaning against the generator and sliding down to sit on the ground. She pried open the converter and examined the unit. A few solder points had broken. Rey sighed, hoping it was an easy fix as she moved to bring the unit back to the camp.

The rest of the day was long and tiring. Poe and Finn still hadn't returned from their reconnaissance mission and Rey felt their absence that night. There were a few other pilots she'd met in flight school she could eat with and laugh with but none of them had the connection she felt with Finn or even BB-8. She left the group laughing in the mess hall as she returned to her shared quarters for the night.

Rey lay on her roll trying not to let the nightmare she'd had all those months ago surface but as the day came to a close it was the only thing her mind was set on thinking of. The rage that poured through her in that nightmare had startled her: how could she be so angry about someone leaving who she knew so little of and who had killed people she'd cared about? Pressing her lips together she stared at the ceiling, feeling the threat of tears come at the frustration she felt. She'd really thought she was bringing him into the light. Squaring her jaw she remembered the thoughts she'd felt of his when she'd invaded Kylo Ren's mind the first time, the fear, the uncertainty, and knew that she was affecting him.

Sighing, she turned on her side and squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to sleep.

 

* * *

  

Later on Rutan…

It had been months on Rutan and Kylo Ren was itching to leave the planet. Plans were unfolding much as he expected: group leaders and factions were visiting, hearing his plans for the future. Most agreed that the system in place now with the First Order and the Resistance was a losing game of cat and mouse. When they heard his plans for returning order to the Galaxy many had pledged allegiance, or at the very least to not meddle in the Knights of Ren's plans.

Kylo didn't enjoy the accommodations like the rest of the Knights of Ren. It was the first time ever that they were under no one else's orders and many fell into drinking too much and staying out all hours of the night. Kylo knew he would soon have to rein them in, make sure they were ready for the next part of the plan which would spread them far across the galaxy.

He'd been trying to contact Rey for months without any success. He still could feel her but not speak with her, which was very odd since he'd found her so easily during the negotiations.  _The General_ , the thought came; he had decided that General Organa must have somehow figured out how to use the Force much more than he knew she was capable. A few times the thought came that maybe Rey was glad he was gone and wasn't searching for him and that  _she_  was the one blocking their connection. The thoughts only lasted a short time until the nightmare they'd shared would come screaming back across his thoughts, searing a hot path that usually left him angry and upset.

"Sir, the Hutt's envoy is here." Targen Ren bowed slightly.

"Show them in." He motioned across the room. They'd set up in an abandoned manufacturing warehouse on the outskirts of section 16. False Identities were already procured and in place. As far as the Rutan's were concerned they were still saving enough money to get off planet. All of the Ren's had taken to covering their faces again, as part of their ultimate plan. It ensured that when they went out into the galaxy they would go unrecognized. Few had demanded to see the faces of those they were speaking with. Most of the Ren's opted for headscarves that covered most of their faces. Ka'Ren had taken to covering his entire face with grey and black muslin to cover his eyes since Section 16 didn't have any good cosmetic doctors who could augment his eyes temporarily.

Rotta the Hutt's envoy entered the large room, taking up a good portion of the room with the number of people that accompanied him along with his own berth.

"Rotta." Kylo Ren stood and addressed the Hutt bowing ever so slightly.

"Son of Solo." He slurred before speaking in his own language. "Are you even more disgusting looking than your father and mother that you must hide behind that cloth?" His envoy translator translated after Rotta stopped speaking.

"It is dry and windy here; the shrubs here do not hold the dirt to the planet. I prefer to keep the sand out of my mouth." He grumbled. "Thank you for coming. We would like to propose something to you as the leader of the Hutts. We hadn't thought that you would come yourself but are glad that you are here." Kylo said and his stomach turned at the sycophantic tone in his voice.

"Your initial contact was intriguing and I am on my way to Mustafar to generate a trade agreement."

"Well as you know the First Order has destroyed the New Republic. What you might not know is that they are already trying to build another Republic backed by the First Order, while the Resistance does the same." Kylo crossed his arms behind his back and continued. "I find the thought of an extended conflict to be repugnant and ostentatious on both sides."

"Agreed. The conflict has driven too many common people to the outer rim. They bring sadness, order, and death with them. I find it changes how I am able to do business." Rotta commented through his translator.

"What I am proposing is a loose joining of all planets." Rotta made a disgusted sound. "With the exception that all able-bodied humanoids would be placed in a lotto and could be chosen to serve 8 years on the senate."

"But my people will not serve." Rotta's translator translated matter-of-factly.

"No. Outer rim planets would be exempt unless they wanted to apply specifically to be part of the New Galactic Government."

"And why do you think this is a better plan than another Republic?"

"Because if any person could at any time be put into the senate, then common sense and decency will prevail. Sure there will be some absolutely moronic things done, but by ensuring that the lotto is used it will limit how much barbarism and idiocy can filter out into the galaxy. It will also limit how much control special projects will have and hopefully limit the raise of something like the Empire or the First Order."

"And why do you need anything from me or my people?"

"I need you to stay out of the way.  Your gangsters make a haven for those who would disappear into another realm. You can accept any vagabond you want. I would only ask that you report any First Order person that comes into your established space."

"You want me to spy for you?" Rotta asked laughing much like his father used to: full belly laugh.

"To an extent, yes." He nodded.

"I will consider your offer." The Hutt turned to leave. "Be careful that you don't die before you accomplish your goal. I am sick of taking the outcasts of this war." Rotta said as he slithered away.

"Working on it." Kylo murmured after the Hutt.

 

* * *

  

"Just let me take the x-wing. I will figure the rest out." Rey begged the General. It was their monthly meeting and Rey was desperate. Her dreams had been filled with Kylo Ren and she felt the need to seek him out.

"Why?" The General's voice was pleading. "I don't understand why you must go."

"And I don't understand why you don't want me to go find him." Rey balled her fists at her side. "You were the reason that Han even tried to redeem Kylo on Starkiller base…"

Rey was cut short, "You don't think I live with that knowledge every day? You don't think that I don't feel the pressure of that every day that I wake up? To know that I sent a man I love to try to convince a son we lost to come back? And now you want to go on a foolhardy trip to try the same thing? Well I don't have to let you. You are under my command and I say that you can't go and find him."

"But he was changing. He was more light than ever before." Rey managed to get out before the General cut her short again.

"And that is great but the fact still is that when given the chance he escaped."

"Then let me go and at least determine if he went back to the First Order."

"He hasn't." The General confirmed.

"Why aren't you sharing these things with me?" Rey asked tightly as she frowned.

"Because you're too close to this. Because you got caught up in trying to save him, just like I did and I won't let you lose yourself like I did."

"You have to let me follow my path."

"No, that was Luke. I can make sure that you don't follow your path."

Rey and Leia were inches from each other, arguing as if they were related their entire lives. Rey never had the training to follow orders and the more that General Organa fought her the more Rey wanted to leave even though she knew it was an entirely childish thing to feel.

"Let me do this." Rey plead.

Leia stopped for a moment, pulling back, trying to think rationally. "Do you love him?"

"What? That's absurd."

"No it isn't. I can feel that you two are close. Maybe not friends like you and Finn but something. What do you even expect to accomplish if you find him?"

"I don't know." Rey said quietly. "But I feel that I must try. I must try to bring him into balance if nothing else."

"And what if you fail?"

"Then I will kill him." Rey ground out between clenched teeth.

"You could do that?"

"If no other option exists yes."

"How can you be sure?" Leia asked, confused.

"Because I have seen it." Rey said quietly.

That thought stopped Leia. Luke used to have visions and Leia knew most of them came to pass. "My answer is still no. I can't risk that he might kill you instead of you killing him."

"General…" Rey started sternly.

"No. Now go." She dismissed Rey.

Rey balled her fists at her side and turned to leave. Instead of returning to the flight deck to work on the ships she wandered off into the fields of Chardaan trying to gather her thoughts. Rey couldn't quite put her finger on why she wanted to find Kylo so desperately. Sure there was the loss of the physical contact they'd been having but more than that she missed the conversations, the keen observations about how she was feeling, of having someone to confide in. Maybe when Finn and Poe returned she wouldn't feel his loss like a weight.

Frustrated Rey sat in the tall grass to meditate, to be reminded to stay in the here and now and not let her mind wander towards the future or away from the task at hand. She let the cool breeze move around her as she grounded herself breathing deeply of the abandoned planet. At first she had been hesitant to go outside, since the whispers from the Resistance fighters seemed so reverent of the former shipyard. But Rey found the sight of the Imperial destroyers and Resistance ships like a second home.

Getting up from the ground Rey made her way towards the closest destroyer, hoping to find fuses she could modify for some of the ships that had been damaged during the jump. Rey never was quite sure how the captains of the vessels took so much damage, especially when the First Order wasn't chasing them but she shrugged and went about trying to find fuses.

Rey's distraction lasted the rest of the day as she gathers items that would be useful to the Resistance. She made up her mind that she would start trying to find Kylo with or without the General's permission and she began hoping for a new assignment.

Two weeks later Rey found herself waiting on the flight deck for the Millennium Falcon to land. The General was waiting silently next to Rey. They hadn't spoken much since she'd turned down Rey's request to go search the galaxy for Kylo.

Poe and Finn exited the Falcon laughing about something or another and Rey beamed at them fearing that being that close with someone would have put a strain on their relationship. They stopped in front of the General.

"General Organa." Poe addressed Leia.

"We are having a briefing, now if you're able." She said curtly.

"Of course." He fell into step as the General stopped briefly and turned to Rey.

"Rey see if Chewy or BB-8 need any assistance or parts for the Falcon." She dismissed the girl. Poe and Finn looked at each other confused.

"Sir." Rey inclined her head in a nod as she approached the Falcon.

"Follow me." The General turned expecting Poe to follow.

"General, what was that about?" Poe asked jerking his thumb back at Rey.

"There is a chance that Kylo Ren will infiltrate her mind at any moment and since he has escaped and we don't know where he is at the moment, I am keeping Rey at arm’s length until we can figure out where he has gone and if the First Order has been strengthened by his return."

"I think we can help with that." Finn handed the files to the droid and had it put in the computer. Photos came up on the screen of Endor. "This is Commander Joon-ayn. She seems to be trying to break away from the First Order. She has been retraining her storm troopers to comply only to her orders."

"But she does seem to be part of a much larger faction that we're currently unaware of. Here she is coming back from somewhere near the Mustafar system. We weren't able to track her completely since our orders were to observe the Endor system." Poe explained as he clicked through the photos. "But it is clear that something or someone is calling on the leaders around the galaxy. After she returned there were even more forms and movement of equipment on the planet's surface."

"What is this here?" Leia asked as there was a photo of the planet.

"Satellite station. She was in communication with several other stations. We weren't able to unscramble the transmissions. But." Finn said clicking to a star chart. "We were able at least to locate the sources of the transmissions. Joon-ayn isn't in this alone, at least not anymore."

"Very good." The General stared at the star chart.

 

* * *

 

 "How many others have agreed to your proposal?" One of the generals from the former confederacy asked the Knights of Ren.

"Enough." Kylo said.

"And what of the Resistance? Even if you obliterate the First Order, the Resistance will just see you as the new overlord."

"Not if we invite them to the table before we destroy the First Order." Ka'Ren suggested.

"They wouldn't, couldn't." One of the Liberation Front asked. "General Organa won't allow it."

"She has already agreed to send an ambassador." Kylo stated. They had contacted the Resistance under the front of being the League of Rutan. "Her envoy should be here within the week."

"And does her envoy know it is you they are meeting?" The general asked.

"No." Kylo grimiced.

"Then when you have an answer from the Resistance, we will meet again." The group stood then and left the meeting.

Kylo stood angrily ready to destroy something. He breathed in and tried to calm himself, understanding that destroying the meeting room wasn't an option. They had two more groups to meet with that day. He sighed and distracted himself with thoughts of Rey and hoped that she was still part of the ambassador's envoy or better yet the ambassador for the meeting with the Resistance.

"Bring the next group in." He instructed the guard at the door.

 

* * *

 

 "I want you to realize what a large responsibility this is Rey." General Organa was saying in the briefing.

"I understand." She sat next to Finn.

"After your last encounter with the spice miners." The general started.

"You mean pirates." Rey corrected. Leia pursed her lips at being interrupted.

"Yes, pirates, we will be sending you with Finn and Poe."

Chewbacca made his thoughts clear.

"And Chewy since he seems to want to go with you too." Leia looked fondly at her friend. "Make sure if Ben makes contact with you that you hide this information as deep as you can."

"I will General." Rey said confidently, just realizing why the General had been pushing her away as she asked her not to disclose their dealings to the enemy.

"Make your preparations, and may the Force be with you." She dismissed the group.

 


	10. Whisper

" _Rey." Kylo whispered as he wrapped his fingers around her shoulder, his gloves creaking slightly. "Come to me." He pulled her back towards him._

_Rey shivered at the touch and the sound of the voice through the mask. It had been months since she'd heard his voice modulated through the vocoder. It was this that tipped her off that she likely was dreaming. She sighed out in relief as she realized it and turned in his grip to face him. She shook as she reached up and pressed the pneumatic button and removed the helmet. Dropping the helmet to the ground, she looked on the face she hadn't seen in months and wondered why she still could remember the exact details of his face, from the scar she'd given him, to the fine lines that were developing over time. She frowned and reached her hand up to his cheek, testing how real the dream was. "Are you here with me?" She asked._

" _Of course." He looked lost and wistful then._

" _Where are you?" Rey's anger was rising. He stood before her as though he hadn't escaped, as though he didn't know that their shared nightmare was likely coming true._

" _Don't worry about that. I am safe." He reached to take his gloves off, so he could feel her beneath his fingers._

" _I could feel you alive but not locate you. I've been trying for weeks now to locate you."_

" _Yes." He nodded as he took her face in his hands. "My mother is blocking me I believe."_

" _Why? How?"_

" _To keep you protected. To keep the base protected."_

" _What happened?" She asked confused._

" _I don't know how much time we have, let me just feel you." He reached out to stroke her face._

" _I want to find you." She ground out._

" _You'll see me shortly, have no doubt. Just be here right now."_

_Rey sighed as she wrapped her arms around him then, feeling how real the dream felt. Allowing her anger to dissipate; it was only a dream. It wasn't like she could capture him and bring him back to the Resistance._

" _Are you back with the First Order?" She asked looking up then. He shook his head and lowered his lips to hers, clearly not wanting to discuss these topics. Neither of them could be sure that something wouldn't wake the other one any minute from their shared dream and Kylo Ren wanted to take full advantage of the time they did have._

_He kissed her as many times as he could, feeling the press of the possibility of being awoken at any moment in the fleeting kisses he pressed to her lips._

Rey woke from the dream, and felt the Falcon still in hyperspace. Sighing she raised an arm above her head and thought back to his words,  _You'll see me shortly_. Furrowing her brow she wondered if he had seen the future again and what it held for the both of them.

It was another hour before they landed on Rutan and were led to a small meeting room. Rey's guard was up as she watched the men escorting them closely, getting the inkling feeling that they were familiar somehow. She looked at Poe and Finn raising and eyebrow, both men shrugged, not completely aware of what was going on either but afraid to say something out loud that the group of men might hear.

They were left in the small meeting room by themselves briefly, no guards posted outside of the room. Rey looked around; the room held a few chairs, a table, some glasses and a pitcher of water, nothing menacing and yet something felt wrong. _Maybe this was how all negotiations felt_ , Rey thought to herself as she sat and they waited for their hosts to arrive. No one mentioned how strange the situation felt. They were left there waiting for what seemed like hours before the men returned all covered in black and grey muslin.

Rey stood as Kylo Ren and the other Knights entered the meeting room on Rutan. The look of confusion slowly changed to anger as she realized what she was feeling and what was looking at. Kylo shook his head slightly from behind the cloth he wore across his face.

 _Don't._ His presence whispered through her mind as she stared at him.  _Don't let them know._

"Welcome Resistance fighters, will you please have a seat?" Ka'Ren asked. Rey lowered herself into a chair feeling slightly numb.

"Thank you for coming." Kylo started as Rey's eyes snapped to Poe and Chewy trying to see if either recognized him. They nodded and said their thanks for being invited. Rey turned her wide eyes to the knights.

"We are here to listen to your request." Rey formed the words slowly.

Kylo began explaining the lottery system for senate rule and that the plan hinged on the Resistance joining their new demarchy.

"How many systems have you called to you?" Rey asked, narrowing her eyes. Her anger was beginning to seep through.

"Almost all that are not under the First Order. The Hutts have agreed to stay out of the conflict." Kylo confirmed.

"How have you managed to get so many warring factions to agree to join a demarchy?" Poe asked intrigued.

"Many are sick of being ruled by the First Order. The only thing that was used to persuade them was reason."

 _And a little Jedi mind trick, right?_  Rey's thought cut across Kylo's.

"Most are waiting to see if the Resistance will join." Kylo said, ignoring their inner conversation. "We will leave you to go speak with your superiors. I doubt that they were expecting this line of negotiations when you were sent here." He stood. "Please feel free to move about as you'd like. We have a barracks set up for the group if you do not wish to stay on your ship."

"How thoughtful." Rey said ruefully.

"Rey." Poe scolded.

"Thank you for your hospitality." She said bowing slightly as she turned to return to the Millennium Falcon.

"What the hell was that about?" Finn said as he joined her on the Falcon.

"Who do they think they are? Trying to enlist us to their side?" She fumed, covering still that the people calling them to their side were in fact the Knights of Ren. She didn't understand why she was hiding it, at least not completely. She did know she wanted to confront Kylo alone before disclosing who he was to the others.

"Rey, it is how negotiations go. Usually it is  _us_  who are enlisting them but as long as we're all against the First Order it doesn't truly matter." Poe said joining them on the ship.

"Oh it matters." Rey said darkly. "I'm going for a walk. Inform the General of their proposal."

"She'll want to hear from you." Poe said.

"I'll report to her when I return." She turned to leave the Falcon pausing to remove her robe so she was just wearing her flight jumpsuit and grab her staff knowing exactly what she was going to do to Kylo if she found him.

Rey pushed out with the Force searching for Kylo as she exited the Falcon. She could feel him, alone up ahead, no doubt waiting for her. He looked as he had in the First Order: covered in black from head to toe. His face was still covered but Rey could feel him, there was a nervousness to him that hadn't been there during the negotiations.

"You bastard." She said as her staff ignited.

"Rey, wait." He said almost desperately as she charged. He countered her parry, her movement propelling her past him. She turned and crossed blades with him without even thinking about it, just raised her staff to meet his where it came down. Pushing him off she swung in a large arch above her head in a wild hacking motion, one that he'd repeatedly told her not to do when she was angry while training on the star destroyer. "Rey stop."

He knew she wasn't hearing him as she swung again and again at him. He pushed her back with the Force again and again but she kept coming, trying to make contact with her saber.

 _You want to kill me?_  The sad thought came across hers. She could feel how sad he was that she was so angry with him. She paused puzzled, breathing heavily and looked up into his eyes since they were the only part of him uncovered. He knelt then, removing the scarf from his face.

"Go ahead." He extinguished his saber and looked up at her. The sadness settled over her as she took a few steps to bring her staff to his throat.

"Why did you leave?" She asked trying to calm herself.

Kylo laughed bitterly, "She didn't tell you." He looked up into Rey's eyes then. "I didn't escape."

"What do you mean? You and the Knights of Ren are here, how did you get here if you didn't escape?"

"We have been banished." He said dryly. "Search my mind, see what happened." He encouraged.

Rey did search his mind then, reaching out a hand and felt his frantic and panicked thoughts as she sparred with Theo Mark, watched General Organa speak with him about his future, and how he felt about Rey before blackness. She watched through his eyes and his feelings as he awoke on the ship in a panic as he realized the General had stranded him.

Rey shook her head then, trying to understand what he was showing her. Maybe it was a trick, maybe he had learned how to augment his thoughts to obfuscate the truth. She gripped her staff harder, trying to think clearly.

"Do what you will with me." He watched her struggle with her dilemma. Rey let the memories she'd seen of what the General had done play over and over in her mind. It all started to make sense: why the General wouldn't let Rey search for Kylo, why she'd been kept out of briefings, why she'd sent Rey with an entire entourage to these negotiations.

Rey extinguished her saber and stood staring at Kylo unsure what to do. She didn't want to kill him, not if she didn't have to. She'd felt the light in him since the first time she'd pushed her way into his thoughts. And today she felt he was leaning towards the light, reaching for something other than darkness, on his own. And she felt something more, she wasn't sure what to call it because it was mixed in with desire and fear but she felt something outside of friendship for him.

Kylo slowly stood, uncertain of if she might attack him again. Her anger had diminished but not completely left her and he wasn't sure if it was with him or with the General. He took a hesitant step towards her and watched as she a small smile started across her lips. Kylo breathed a sigh of relief and ducked to pull her up into his arms, encircling her in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him, feeling some longing she didn't even realize was there being satisfied just by feeling him against her.

He set her down and rained small kisses all over her face: her forehead, her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids, everywhere. In the end she laughed as he did it and she pulled him to kiss her lips, to really kiss her then.

"I missed you." She breathed pulling away just enough before kissing him again.

"I missed you too."

"I tried to find you but the General wouldn't let me." She said as they stood in each other's arms.

"She wouldn't want me found." He smoothed his hands across her cheeks and down her neck sending shivers down Rey's back.

"But she sent me right to you. She had to have known." Rey started.

"Maybe." He was skeptical. "Either way you're here now." The happiness at seeing her obvious. "Show me what happened on Boz Pity. After I lost consciousness I couldn't find you again. I could feel you in the Force but not contact with you. It's been driving me insane." He took one of her hands and pressed to his face. She reached out into his mind then, showing him the memories of working with R2 and using the mind tricks on the guards.

She showed him the hours of meditating she'd done trying to locate him and the repairs she'd been making on the ships and base while she bided her time. She showed him how lonely she felt before Poe and Finn came back and the hole that he left in her daily routine.

He, in turn, showed her how they ended up where they were and how many people they'd contacted. He showed her the work he'd been doing around the town so they could survive and stay hidden. It wasn't how she pictured Kylo Ren hiding: being reduced to scavenging and having to use mind tricks to get what he needed.

"Why do you hide?" She asked reaching and tugging a little bit on the end of the muslin that he'd had covering his mouth and nose. She watched his features darken at the gesture and she cocked her head to the side confused.

"All I've ever done is hide." He was serious as he glided his hands over hers, pulling them in front of them and pressing the palms together, covering his hands with hers.

 _But he is so beautiful_ , the thought came to Rey and she felt it escape her and she blushed, looking down at their hands instead of up into his face.

"No you are the beautiful one. Shining like your namesake." He opened his hands and moved them to either side of her face. He always liked the feeling of holding her in his hands as if she was as precious as water on Jakku; and to him she was more precious, more rare, and worthy of reverence.

Rey expected him to kiss her then, to pull on the lust and intimacy they'd shared before. But he didn't. He pulled her to him, hugging her to his chest and stood that way until the sun of Rutan set and they knew they would have to face the reality that was coming.

 

* * *

 

 

"General Organa." Rey said standing in front of R2 watching the hologram of the General.

"Rey. I hear that you went off on your own, did you discover something?" The General asked.

"Sir, I believe we've located the Knights of Ren." She said coolly as she watched Leia's demeanor. She watched as the General frowned harder, clearly annoyed that Kylo Ren had stayed on Rutan instead of returning to the First Order.

"Where are they?"

"Here. With us. They are the ones holding the negotiations."

The General absorbed the information, as if she was digesting that her son was still alive. "And what have they told you so far?" She asked

Rey looked back at where Poe, Chewy, and Finn were seated at the table trying to pretend like they didn't know a damned thing that was going on. Rey smirked at their attempt. She had returned to the Falcon and explained the situation to them. Poe and Finn seemed the most shocked, Chewy's response was silence and R2 and BB-8 had had a binary argument about what to do with the information before Rey had asked R2 to contact the Resistance. "Kylo Ren has proposed to take the First Order down and install a demarchy. A lotto of able bodied people to serve in a republic or democracy."

"Does he have the support?" She asked, clearly not liking where the conversation was going.

"I believe he will." Rey nodded.

"We will be in contact." The General said shutting off the hologram.

"So how's your _boyfriend_ Rey?" Poe started as the rest of them broke out in giggles like schoolchildren.

"Shut up." She balled a fist at her side before realizing that the more she denied it the more they'd tease her about it.

"Rey has a  _boyfriend_." Finn said mimicking her voice then.

Chewy and R2 chimed in then and Rey stood embarrassed, turning red and laughing at the comments they were coming up with.

" _Oh Rey."_ Poe mimicked holding a hand out towards Finn.

" _Oh Kylo_." Finn said as their hands touched.

"Perverts." She stood watching them with disdain, "I don't know what he is but boyfriend seems so juvenile." Rey rolled her eyes.

"Anyone you are kissing is your boyfriend." Poe commented as Finn started making kissing noises.

"And how would you know that?" She narrowed her eyes at her joking friends.

Poe smacked Finn in the stomach trying to get him to stop laughing, realizing they'd been caught. Clearing his throat, Poe had the decency to turn red before admitting, "We followed you."

Rey shook her head. She knew at some point someone outside of General Organa would find out, she just didn't realize it would be today and didn't realize she would be caught red handed.

"Well then, since you already know everything, I am going to go spend time with my whatever-Kylo-Ren-is-to-me, instead of standing here and letting you lot incessantly tease me." She grabbed her staff as she moved to exit the Falcon. "Don't wait up." She said cheekily before turning and exiting. She could hear their guffaws as she walked off of the Falcon and reached out with the Force.

Rey found him in a small room in the back of the manufacturing building the Rens were using as their outpost. The door was open and a small light came from inside, where she found Kylo Ren reading a book, leaning up against the far corner on a small makeshift cot. She stopped and admired him for a moment before making a small noise with her feet.

"You don't have to do that." He put a marker in the book and set it next to him. "I can always feel you coming."

"Why couldn't I feel you before the meeting?" She frowned from the doorway.

"As soon as I realized you were here I started blocking you." He crossed his hands in front of him, taking comfort in being able to be honest with her now that neither of them was a prisoner of the other. They were both there of their own free will. He smiled at that thought, that she came back again.

"Hum." She stepped into the room. "Wanted to surprise me?"

He laughed then, standing. "No, I didn't want you to run screaming or attack me as soon as I entered the meeting. I had figured that General Organa wouldn't have told you that I'd been banished." He paused briefly. "How is my mother?" He asked then.

"That isn't what I came here for." Rey shook her head.

"Then what did you come here for?" He stopped in front of her, just out of reach.

"To be with you."

He reached for her then, pulled her to him. "I'm right here." He breathed out before leaning down to kiss her. Rey brushed the Force against him and he pulled back a fraction. "Not tonight. Just you and me this time." She nodded, stretching her neck to kiss him again. His fingers found the zip of her flight suit without thinking about it, wondering briefly what was underneath before unzipping it. He peeled the fabric from her to leave it hanging at her waist. He took a step back and looked down at her, at how her skin flushed under his gaze and he smiled then. "Did you miss me? This?" He inquired.

"Yes." She reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head. "I missed you." She curled her arms inward and against his chest as he pulled her to him as he kissed her again. Rey's skin pulled away from his when they'd first touched stomach to stomach, like she wasn't used to skin to skin contact and Kylo's conscious swam to the top of his thoughts vaguely remembering an odd conversation they'd had once.

"Wait, Rey. Can I ask you something?" He leaned back to look into her eyes.

"Of course." She was unabashed as she stood in her bra in his arms.

"You once had told me that the feelings you felt for me were inappropriate and that you'd never felt desire for someone while you'd hugged them." He licked his lips self-consciously, nervous to ask the question that would follow. "Have you never been...ahem, intimate with someone?"

Rey laughed then, outright laughed at his embarrassment and the question itself. He'd explored her mind but hadn't looked for those types of memories and she was grateful for that, realizing that maybe he hadn't infiltrated her as much as she'd thought. It was an intoxicating thought that they still had things to learn about each other. "I've been with someone before." She started.

"Then what did you mean?" He asked curious.

"Just that I hadn't been really attracted to the people I'd experimented with on Jakku. It's not like everyone makes me feel lust." She cocked her head to the side before smiling brilliantly at him. "Did you think I was some sort of virgin?" She asked incredulously.

"Ha-ha, no not really. Just wondering if there might be some tragic story behind what you'd said." He dismissed the thought.

"You did, you thought you were going to be my first!" She exclaimed laughing. "Well, I hate to burst that bubble."

"It doesn't burst anything." He said roughly as he moved a hand into her hair and pulled a bit. Her eyes widened understanding why he might be asking.

"Any particular proclivities I should know about?" She asked as he tipped her head back using her hair for leverage. It didn't hurt but it wasn't nearly as gentle as he usually was and she wanted to know before they were in the throes of something what she was jumping into.

"Hum." He said drawing out the thought. "Well, I like to bite…" He ducked his head to her neck and nipping at the skin there softly. "And I enjoy being in charge." Rey snorted at that comment. "And I want you to be present." He pulled back again to look down at her, releasing her hair and smoothing his hands against her face, tracing a line down her neck to her shoulders, tracing his hands down to hers and capturing them both. "And you, where do your  _proclivities_  lie?"

"Well, I like to be in charge, so you might have to fight me for that one." She pushed him towards the small cot. "I like enthusiasm. I like a man that doesn't shy away or think anything we do is disgusting. And I like someone who knows what they want." She pushed on his shoulder so he sat on the cot then. She stepped back and took the rest of the flight suit off, pulling her boots off before turning back to the door to move to close it. Kylo gestured with the Force to close it before she could reach it, which gave him a good view of her standing, unfazed in her underwear as she turned back to him.

"Someday that will be second nature." He stood to take his pants off. Rey drew a breath in and held it slightly. She still wasn't sure what she was doing with Kylo but it didn't scare her any longer. "Get over here." He motioned with his hand as he sat again. Rey smiled and moved quickly across the room to straddle him unceremoniously. His eyes widened as she sat on him, eyes even with him now and he circled his arms around her then pressing as much of their skin together as he could.

Kylo pressed his face to her neck, moving down one side and up another as his hands roamed her back, teasing his fingers over her skin. Rey gasped, trying to mimic his motions as best she could. It had been so long since she'd had her first tumble with one of the humanoid boys on Jakku, years. She touched the planes of his chest, grazing his nipple and felt more than heard him growl against her, smashing her against him.

His fingers reached up and tangled in her bra straps, dragging them down, before Rey realized he had no idea how to take the sports type bra off. She sat back pulling it up and over her head then. Kylo sat back and watched the motion catching her eye then, making her blush. "You're beautiful." He pulled her lips to his as his hands inched up her sides, feeling her. She ran her hands over his shoulders and down his back as her lips pressed for more him, urging him to take more of her.

Kylo made a noise then, Rey's only warning before he rolled her under him, pressing her into the cot, which felt like it might buckle under their combined weight. Rey laughed at that thought.  _What?_  His thought came as he began kissing down her neck, to between her breasts. She gasped at the touch trying to remember what she was laughing about seconds ago.

 _The cot, it feels like it will collapse. The thought of breaking it while doing this was humorous._  She thought.

 _Oh my little light_ , the thought came as he continued down her body, kissing her stomach softly before nipping at the tender skin there. Rey whimpered softly and trailed a hand from his shoulder to his hair. She gasped as he continued his path down her body and kissed between her legs, over her underwear before continuing down one of her legs. His hands followed every place that he kissed, roaming across her soft skin. He came to kiss her ankle on one leg before he moved to the other leg and followed the path back up her body. By the time he was looking her in the eyes again Rey was having trouble focusing on him, but she did: looking up as he covered her with his body then, moving between her legs imitating things to come.

Rey raised her hips to meet each of his slow roiling movements. She could tell by the look on his face that the act itself likely wasn't to be as slow and gentle as he was being now and she smiled shyly to herself: she didn't want gentle when it came to this. She wanted a little rough, to know that they were alive, to feel him fully. He watched her smile, which drew his attention to her lips again; he kissed her then while moving slowly back and forth between her thighs, feeling how good everything felt and enjoying having her under him. When their motions started to get more sporadic and heated Kylo reached down to move her underwear down. The motion stopped all of their kissing and touching as the new focus was on getting completely naked. Rey reached down to help and then used her hands to try to remove his underwear a fraction after he'd pulled hers down. He moved back to cover her then dragging his underwear off the rest of the way before holding himself above her so he didn't crush her and looked into her eyes then, looking into the depth that felt like he could drown in.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, rubbing against her, completely naked. They could both feel the pulse of the others heart as they touched from chest to hip. Rey looked up at the man that had once scared her, to the person he'd become. He wasn't the same monster she'd encountered in the year before.

"Yes." She wiggled against him, knowing the agony she was putting him through, spreading her wetness against him. He made an unintelligible noise, something between a growl and a moan as he felt the affect their movements had had on her. One affirmation was enough, he pushed inside of her feeling delighted in the fact that they'd come together. He'd thought about this moment over the past few months, uncertain if she'd even let him touch her again after the confusion she'd been feeling about their attachment and he delighted in the feel of her against him before another thought occurred to him.

"Are you, um, on something?" He asked watching as she furrowed her brow at the question. "To prevent children?" He said feeling silly. It wasn't the right time to ask, or maybe it was the exact time to ask. Rey laughed then, and Kylo's hand shot to her hips as she spasmed around him. "Oh don't do that." He warned.

Rey laughed again shortly before stopping as she noticed the seriousness of his gaze. "Yes, I am on something to prevent babies." She brought a hand up to his neck and pulled his lips closer to hers. "And you should have asked long before now." She kissed him and shifted her hips urging him to move.

When he finally started to move, Rey felt as though she was already about to burst. The teasing, the Force exploration they'd done months before, the tension she'd been feeling over the past few months not knowing where he was or if he was okay came out then. It felt like she was sensitive everywhere, not just between her thighs where he was slowly rubbing himself as he moved in and out of her slower than she'd like.

Kylo's body felt similarly: like he was one large pulsing nerve, feeling her feelings even though she wasn't pressing them against him, that he could feel that she had wanted this, wanted him now. He felt amazed that she finally had figured out that she didn't need to know how she felt about him to allow this attraction and to give into it. He felt all of it.

Kylo picked her up and moved so he was under her so he could watch her move. And she did move, frantically, as though it had been something they'd needed to do, as though it was the only thing she could do in that moment. And maybe it was. Maybe all they could do was accept that the universe kept throwing them together. Rey's movements became uncoordinated as the pleasure started to build. Kylo could feel it and sat up moving with her, rising to his knees and moving ungracefully but forcefully against her. He kissed her sloppily once before looking down between them where they were meeting, watching as he entered her over and over. Reaching between them he moved his fingers against her, helping her, not wanting to enjoy this first time alone. Rey gasped at the touch and grabbed the back of his neck as her pleasure reached the pinnacle and she was suddenly tingling with too much sensation.

Kylo felt her orgasm as much as he watched it and increased his speed, knowing what that moment felt like; to continue after orgasm was almost pain but usually quite pleasurable too. His orgasm followed hers shortly after, a tingling sensation running from his legs to where they were joined as he emptied himself into her. He growled out as he orgasmed and clamped his hands around her back and held her against him for what seemed like forever as they both came down from the high of being together.

They collapsed on the cot sweaty but still entangled. Rey reached up to push his hair back, the sweat from their excursions making it stick behind his ear. She smiled and giggled a bit noticing something she'd never once thought about when looking at Kylo. "These are fantastic!" She said sitting up slightly and cupped one of his ears, noticing only now how rather large they were. She moved to kneel next to him and he turned his head towards her then puzzled. "You're ears, they're just...amazing." She moved the hair back behind the other ear and looking down at him with absolute joy written all over her face.

"You are a strange one." He sat then wrapping both arms around hers and pinning them against her body. "Don't make fun." He buried his face against her neck then.

"I wasn't." She said solemnly. Not believing her he began to tickle her sides making her flail about trying to get him to stop. "Really Kylo, I wasn't teasing." She gasped out trying to hold his hands away from her. She projected her thoughts into his hoping he would stop tickling her. Kylo watched and felt the memory that was barely a memory in her mind: the thought that crossed her mind, the flood of good, happy thoughts when she saw his ears, and he saw the way she saw him through her eyes.

It did get him to stop tickling her. He pulled back, still trapping her arms against her and looked at the woman who was dragging him kicking and screaming to the light. He kissed her then, fiercely, as though he might not survive the next moment if he didn't. When he pulled back he looked into her eyes he saw exactly the same thing he'd just felt her project into him: awe and longing and what he might think would be love. "No one has ever felt that way about me." He whispered.

"Does it scare you?" She whispered back. Frowning, he thought about that for a moment. "You're whispering, as if it is a secret." She shrugged as if it explained her question.

He laughed then at her comment. "No it doesn't scare me. It comes from you. It isn't scary when it comes from you." He laid back then dragging her with him. "And I know that you'll be safe with or without me. It doesn't scare me to love you. You can handle anything that comes after you because of me." He kissed her forehead and tucked her against him before settling in to sleep for the night.


	11. Envoy

Rey awoke the next morning squished against the wall with Kylo taking up most of the bed. She looked at him snoring lightly next to her. They were both still naked and she was shocked as she felt how much she wanted him again. Frowning to herself, knowing how addictive their escapades could become and how distracting they could be, she sat up and tried to climb over him without waking him, which she knew was an unlikely feat. She managed to get to stand next to the cot before she felt his breathing change as he woke. Blindly he reached a hand out to grab hers before opening his eyes to stare up at her. Rey looked down and wondered why she didn't feel embarrassed standing there naked.

"Don't go yet." He mumbled tugging on her hand.

"I should go." She hesitated next to the bed as his hand seemed insistent that she rejoin him. "I will need to return to the Resistance soon." Her voice was soft.

"Yes but not yet." He dropped her hand and rising slightly in the bed. He leaned over and wrapped an arm around her, lifting her back onto the cot, pressing her against him. They fought with the thin blanket that did little to chase the coolness of the room away but did trap their warmth together, finally settling it over Rey as she lay on top of him. Rey sighed as she settled against him. She was tense; she could feel it in her body. She'd never cuddled or even stayed long enough to see the light of day after with the boys on Jakku. It was a strange sensation. "Rey relax." Kylo rubbed her back lazily, one hand moving up while the other smoothed down the expanse of skin. "I don't know when I'll see you next, just give me an hour then you can run back to the Resistance." He sounded sour.

Rey raised her head then finding the angle from laying on him to be odd. "What do you mean you don't know when you'll see me next? If these negotiations go through, don't you think you'll be seeing more of me?" She was puzzled.

"You're putting a lot of faith in my mother and her contemporaries. It isn't just her we have to convince. That is assuming you even believe in our cause." He questioned, watching the emotions change over her face.

_I believe in you_ , her thought came to his mind as she shifted against him.  _I don't understand why but I believe that you mean to make something new and different and hopefully something that will work better than this incessant war that has been waged since the Clone Wars._  She watched him react to what she was saying. Slowly a smile graced his face; smiling to herself Rey lowered her head back to his chest to listen to his heart. Rey's smile changed as Kylo's hands started drifting to her sides, tracing more enticing lines up and down her body. She shivered once, adjusting to the change in the feeling as lust throbbed through her. She moved slightly, pushing herself up to kiss him then, hovering above him as his hands moved to her breasts now that they weren't pressed against him.

Rey gasped at the movement of his hands and Kylo took advantage, deepening the kiss then his tongue moving lazily against hers. She moved her body against his hands on her chest and reached for him with the Force wondering what it would be like briefly before feeling the first tingling’s of being so close and so entangled with him took over her senses. As her mind touched his, she could feel the sensations he was feeling from her touches and it increased the sensitivity of every place they were touching. She could feel him pulsing against her thigh as she continued to trace lines through the Force against him. She pulled away from the kiss to shimmy down his body and straddle him, the need to have him inside of her being the only thought on her mind in that moment.

Kylo growled as she pulled away before realizing what she meant to do as she sat above him. He traced the outline of her body with both his hands and the Force and watched as her head dropped back and he could feel the pleasure she was feeling through the connection. Rey moved her hips against his, drawing the Force through their skin where it was touching as she began feeling the desperation to have him inside of her soon raising to an embarrassing level. She shifted her weight forward, moving up his body to kiss him barely while angling him at her opening before breaking away again and sliding backwards until they were completely joined in one swift motion.

Rey sat up then, pulling back on the Force enough to focus on Kylo for a moment through the haze. He followed her lead, pulling back from the Force until it was just skin touching skin and he placed his hands on her hips. "Move for me." He whispered watching her blush at the attention. She bit her lip a little before she began moving her hips against him, watching him watch her. She braced her hands on his chest, feeling unsteady as she moved. It was through her hand she brought the Force to touch him again, wanting to feel the connection there along with the physical connection. It was as though every nerve was on fire, tingling with pleasure as the Force spread through her hand into his chest and up and down his body. Kylo's vision blurred as he moved with her, throwing his head back losing focus as he reached out to the Force to trace it back along the connection.

Rey's breath was coming faster as the sensations were beginning to be a little too much. Kylo noticed her movements slowed as she lost focus and he moved against her taking over but letting her stay kneeling above him. He moved his head back to focus his eyes on her, barely able to watch her through their connection and the pulsing ecstasy that was threatening to push him over the edge at any moment. He moaned loudly understanding that watching her above him was going to be the thing that sent him over; that she was there with him, naked and reveling in their joining just as much as he was while he watched her. Seizing uncontrollably under Rey, Kylo spilled himself into her losing the battle of trying to extend their play, having the good conscious to tug on the Force heavily through their joined hips to pull Rey over into an orgasm with him.

Rey shouted out above him, not caring that the Knights of Ren could likely hear them as he pulled her with him. It was like liquid fire moved through her veins as the Force pushed against her skin, through her, made them one again for the first time in months. She collapsed on top of him, feeling boneless and unable to withstand her own weight, her breathing ragged. Moments passed as their breathing stilled and their hearts stopped racing. Rey remained on top of Kylo, still joined, enjoying the feeling.

"Promise we can do that in our dreams when we're apart?" He asked, clearly concerned that they would be spending so much time apart.

"I promise." She wiggled herself off of him and to the side.

He smiled sadly at her then, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. "You will be my envoy then to the Resistance?" He made it a question. Rey's eyes grew wide with the realization. She nodded slightly a bit confused how everything had come to be.

"Is that why you slept with me?" She feigned shock and disappointment, knowing he could feel her true feelings through their connection and through the Force. She sat up slightly, leaning on her elbow watching his face crinkle into a laugh as he pulled her against him.

"Of course." He joked back, kissing her forehead. "Why else would the dark and mysterious Kylo Ren sleep with a Resistance fighter?"

"I knew it!" She scoffed trying to wiggle out of his death grip. She joined in his laughter as he tickled her side a little before becoming serious again.

"Rey, if you don't want to be my envoy, don't. I'll figure another way." The seriousness of his tone pointed to a deeper concern.

"I've been fighting for you with your mother for about a year now, what are a few more months of trying to convince her?"

"Just make sure it is your belief in me is driving your actions, not your desire for me." He cautioned.

"I'm not typically driven just by what I desire. It's difficult to survive alone if you can't deny what you want and do what you have to do to survive."

"Good." He hugged her to him before moving to get up. "Looks like it's time to face your friends then." He checked the clock on the floor.

"Oh this should be loads of fun." She said with her slight accent, rolling her eyes and getting up to look for her clothes.

"Ashamed?" He asked, anger prickling at the comment.

"Not in the slightest. Just not ready for a hyperdrive flight of teasing. I'm perfectly happy to answer any sordid details they want to know." She said cheekily.

"The lip you have now." He commented throwing her bra to her. She smiled at him as she dressed.

"You missed it and you know it."

"Maybe." He pulled his shirt over his head and buttoning the small top buttons.

"I still think all this," She tugged on the muslin he was preparing to don, "is a bit much."

"You have your security, I have mine." He handed her her staff. "Shall we?" He motioned to let her go through the door first. Rey leaned up and kissed him then just once before moving the cloth across his face, garbing his features in a net of black.

 

* * *

 

"I don't understand how this happened." General Organa said as she sat at the meeting table in the conference room back on the Resistance base. The entire crew was there, back from their mission to Rutan. Rey had barely survived the trip back. Between Poe and Finn she'd been a bright shade of pink for at least the first hour before joining in and making fun of herself. After that they'd stopped teasing her quite as much.

"We don't either." Poe motioned towards Rey. "It seems that she is quite taken with your son." The teasing from before seemed to have vanished from his tone.

"I don't have to defend myself to you." She directed at Poe before turning to Leia who was sitting at the opposite end of the table, as though Rey was dangerous now. "My mission was to get close to Kylo Ren, to bring him to the light. You didn't guide me in how to accomplish that and in the process something changed. I started to see him as a person, not just my enemy."

"You mean he manipulated you into seeing him as a person." Leia's voice came out tight.

"I don't understand how this is an issue. He didn't rejoin the First Order, he's building something of his own and yet we're sitting here talking about  _my involvement_  with him instead of the proposal they made during the negotiations."

The General stopped for a moment then, pondering what Rey had just said before speaking again. "You're right. That isn't the concern right now, although I am worried." Leia raised her brows pointedly at Rey before returning to speaking to the group. "What do you think of their proposal?"

Chewy vocalized that he had no reason to trust the Knights of Ren and that he didn't think anyone else should either as he shifted his gaze to Rey. She nodded curtly once before breaking eye contact with the Wookie.

"Well if it didn't come from that monster, I would think it was brilliant." Finn finally commented as the silence had stretched on for minutes. "I don't understand how you have so easily accepted him." He looked at Rey.

"It's so nice you guys waited to address this here instead of during the 9 plus hour ride back." Rey's temper was rising with every comment. Taking a breath she called the Force and thought about why she felt so defensive; she felt as though she'd found something great about Kylo, something worth sharing and everyone was acting as if it was just another ruse.  _Maybe it is,_  Rey conceded to herself. She knew she'd have to consider it at some point. When she thought back to standing on Rutan with Kylo exchanging what had happened over the months she hadn't felt any deception in his mind. "I understand your concerns." She finally ground out as they just stared at her. "Listen, I don't think the Ren's plan is the worst one out there. We need to rebuild some form of government, would it be harmful to consider their proposal?" She asked, trying not to sound as though she was some infatuated fanatic of the Rens.

"We do need a government. The Republic is currently in limbo, this comes at an auspicious time for the Knights of Ren's plan, as though they planned it…" The General trailed off as her thoughts and words came together in the same moment. The rest of the group sat silently pondering if the Knights of Ren would have the foresight to orchestrate such a large-scale plan without either the First Order or the Resistance realizing it. "You are dismissed." The General gestured with a wave of her hand, turning her chair to look out the window. "Rey, if I could have a word with you." She said as the group stood to leave.

Rey stayed behind; waiting for the argument she thought was coming. She still knew that Kylo was dangerous but felt that the Knights of Ren were starting to try to make things right in the Galaxy.

"How is he?" She asked wistfully, as she stared out the large window of the conference room.

"Unhappy to be grounded on Rutan but thriving with the plans the Rens are executing." Rey came to stand near the General and stare out the window too, wondering what the Knights were doing right then. Kylo had told her of the upcoming meetings with other organizations but not what plans followed after.

"So you are to be his envoy here then?" Leia asked as she stood and turned to Rey.

"Yes." She breathed out.

"Good." The General said. Rey's mouth dropped open at the one word. She had expected Leia to yell, to caution, to warn, or ground her completely. She didn't expect that she would be happy or relieved.

"Sir?" Rey questioned when her thoughts came back to her.

"My father was supposed to bring balance to the Force." The General started. "Instead through fear of losing his wife he was seduced by the dark side. When Luke began training as a Jedi it brought the galaxy more into balance, having one Jedi to stand against the darkness. Yet we have been seesawing between too many Jedi or too many Sith for a generation now." She took a shaky breath and continued. "If you and Kylo are able to work together, to continue to have both sides within you, then you and he are actually the ones who will usher in a balancing of the Force. It might not be the way the Jedi read the prophecy but to me it is the best compromise."

"I think I see your reasoning, General." Rey said quietly.

"I must caution you though; make sure that even if no one else trusts him that you do. That you can trust him. If we agree to this plan of his, I am putting my trust in your trust of him more than I am putting my trust in him. Do you understand what I mean?" The General cocked her head to the side at Rey.

"Yes." Rey breathed, nodding. "That if this experiment goes awry that I will be his keeper and executioner."

"Yes." Leia nodded gravely, relieved that Rey understood. "Make sure that however deep your attachment gets that if he cannot maintain the light that you are there to ensure the darkness doesn't start to spread again."

"Sir." Rey bowed slightly.

"You can tell the Knights of Ren that we are considering their offer. You're dismissed." The General turned back to stare out the window.

Rey went to find R2 and communicate the news to the Rens. She weaved in between people in the hallways looking for R2 before running into Poe and Finn. "So, you guys don't trust me now?" She asked.

"Naw, we don't trust him. He could totally be leading you on." Finn slung an arm over her shoulders as they started to walk outside. "Just want you to be cautious."

"I dunno." Poe looked at her from the corners of his eyes. "After you disappeared for  _the entire night_  I'm starting to question your taste in men."

"You, of all people, shouldn't be throwing stones. I've seen some of the girls you've chased. Some are just downright bonkers!" Rey smiled, her eyes crinkling as she joked with them.

"Hey I have a very precise way of testing that."

"Oh yeah and what is that?" She asked.

"If she'll sleep with me, she'd probably bonkers!" Poe laughed at his own joke then. "Come on then, let's unload this beast." He motioned to the Falcon.

"I have official business to attend to first. Have you seen R2?" She asked moving out from under Finn's arm.

"He's on the Falcon." Finn pointed.

"Ah right, I'll help as soon as I send a transmission."

"Calling your boyfriend?" Poe helped Chewy with the gear he was carrying.

"On orders from General Organa herself." She shrugged and walked up the gangplank. Navigating her way around BB-8 moving about the cabin, she located R2 and listened to him beep about how rambunctious BB-8 was. "Yeah, them youngins." She scoffed, smiling at the sassy droid. "R2, can you get a line to Rutan for me please?" He did as he was asked and soon Rey was staring at a miniature hologram of Ka'Ren.

"Milady." He bowed.

"Ka, I have news. Should I give it to you or to Kylo?" She asked uncertain, protocol seemed to be always on their mind.

"I will call Kylo." He said disappearing. Shortly after Kylo stood before the holo emitter on Rutan.

"Rey." He was curt, all business.

"General Organa has put her trust in me. She will be discussing the proposal shortly within the Resistance."

Kylo let a breath out and realized he had prepared to have to fight much harder for the Resistance. He had already sent two of the Knights to infiltrate the Resistance to gather the best strategy of bringing the Resistance into their fold. It seemed he already had the best plan.

"Thank you Rey. You have been invaluable."

"You're welcome." She nodded slightly shifting where she stood.

"Is there something else?" He asked feeling her hesitation.

"Someday I would like to discuss what happens if there is enough support to execute this plan. What it means for the Galaxy. What it means for the Knights of Ren. But as it hasn't come to pass yet, it is a discussion for another time."

"Yes. And face to face would be best. Please notify the General that I will be requesting your presence from time to time."

"I don't get a say in that?" She scoffed.

"Of course. I only meant…"

"I know what you meant. You should first ask me if I would do something or like to come visit before informing me to tell my superiors about what you're telling them you'll do with me. It is outlandish to think that I can report, with any sort of loyalty, to two masters. As I am still with the Resistance, I report to the Resistance and would ask that the Knights of Ren ask for my assistance before demanding it."

"As you wish." He said just as curtly, understanding that he was treating her as another Knight of Ren in that moment, not the equal that he had come to see her as. "My apologies for my assumptions. I misspoke."

"I would like to personally deliver the news once it arrives from the Resistance and discuss those things with you, whenever that might be."

"Yes. I look forward to that visit." His voice changing and Rey knew he was smiling behind the veil then.

"As do I. Good day Kylo." She bowed slightly.

"Good day Rey." He bowed slightly and cut the transmission before turning to Ka'Ren. "That was more hopeful than I thought it would be."

"And much faster a response than I thought the Resistance capable of." Ka'Ren nodded. "How much do you think she influenced your mother?"

"Rey? Using mind tricks isn't her style. No, this is something my mother came to terms with on her own. We will have to wait and see what the Resistance will decide."

 

* * *

 

 

"Rey, report to hangar 6, Rey report to hangar 6." A voice came over the intercom. Rey twisted the wrench one more time before crawling out of the grating of the Falcon. Frowning she wiped her hands on a rag and exited, blinking at the sun's rays. She walked briskly to Hangar 6 wondering why she would have been paged.

The hangar was quiet save for R2s beeps and BB-8s movements across the ground as General Organa waited for Rey.

"The Resistance has confirmed we will join The League of Rutan. The decision has been made to send you to negotiate the terms." Leia's entire body sang with barely controlled anger. Clearly she did not like the plan. "You will leave in two days." She folded her arms across her middle. "It is to be a secret mission, until we can confirm the Knights of Ren will agree to our terms."

"Are you concerned more for me or for what will happen if they do agree?" Rey's voice came out quieter than she would have liked. Frowning to herself she waited to hear the General's response.

"I am upset that it is you they are sending instead of me." The tightness in her voice clear. "Your connection makes you just as dangerous as I am to negotiate terms that will determine the fate of the galaxy. But the other members of the Resistance disagree; they feel you have an advantage because you can literally search his mind for deception."

"Is that what is being requested of me by the Resistance?" Rey asked appalled.

"Yes." The General nodded curtly. "You will take the Falcon, Chewy, and R2 with you. "

"How long will I be staying?"

"Until you negotiate all aspects we wish and determine if there is any ruse they're trying to hide from us." The General handed her a tablet. "Here is a list of what we'd like to see. May the Force be with you."

Rey stood dumbfounded as she watched BB-8 and General Organa walk from the hangar. It was such a strange meeting Rey's mind immediately wondered if it had even occurred. She swiped the tablet open and looked at the demands and frowned knowing the Knights of Ren would have some sticking points with some of the list. Particularly the first demand to put someone from the Resistance on the Ren's base and in all negotiations with leaders across the galaxy from that day forward.

Returning to finish up with the Falcon, Rey fretted about how to best approach the situation: should she openly ask Kylo to search his thoughts, would he allow it? Or should she try using the lessons she'd been learning? She wasn't keen on infiltrating anyone's mind without their permission; the one time she'd turned it back on Kylo when he'd search her for the map had felt awful and now that neither were trying to lean completely to the light or dark Rey hoped that she would be free from using the talent unless completely necessary.


	12. Willing

Two days later Rey landed the Falcon in quadrant 16. Sitting in the pilot's seat she checked the checklist a second and third time, avoiding leaving the ship. Chewy watched her slow movements a few times before getting up and moving to the eating area of the Falcon, happy to stay aboard while Rey conducted business for the Resistance. Sighing Rey finally rose from the chair and turned as she felt two of the Ren's standing outside patiently waiting for her to exit. Taking her time she put her dark blue robe on over her normal attire, glad that she didn't need to wear the full regalia that some of the other Resistance Ambassadors seemed to embrace. Grabbing her staff and the list of demands, Rey called to Chewy that she would be back as soon as she could. He called after her that he would join later depending on how the ship was at that time.

"Ka." Rey said bowing slightly to the completely covered Ren. She could tell it was him by how he felt in the Force and because he was one of the few that covered his entire face.

"Rey." He bowed in return. "Welcome back. I am to escort you to the meeting room. Kylo will join us shortly." He said as he moved to lead her into the manufacturing building. The main room was still open but Rey noticed in the three weeks since she'd been there that furniture had been added: tables, a few chairs, nothing extravagant. "I will leave you, I have things to attend." He bowed again and leaving Rey in the large room. She seated herself in the far corner so she could see anyone coming into the room and studied her talking points. Sighing she knew this was going to be an exercise in futility. There were some things that the Ren's were unlikely to appease the Resistance with, such as dealing with unsavory people like Theo Mark or the Hutts.

Rey tapped on the holobook, writing down notes and things she could remember from her time at Niimi outpost, rumblings and rumors were what the outpost ran on and for a quiet girl, she absorbed as much as she could. She stood as she felt Kylo coming, like the lightening on the clouds before a storm: he was furious about something.

"Rey." He said as he entered the room, removing his gloves and pulling the covering down from his mouth. "My apologies, training got away from me." His voice came between gasps of air.

"It's not a problem." She crossed her hands behind her back, afraid that she might touch him if he wandered too close. Sensing her hesitation he stayed out of reach.

"I take it you being here is auspicious?" He asked moving to the water pitcher at the center of the table.

"Maybe." She sat down again, looking down at the demands from the Resistance. "It depends on if we can make it through this list without drawing our blades." She joked. His eyes slid to her then, pensive, wondering why she would joke about such a thing during such a tenuous time in the Resistance and now with the Knights of Ren.

"Proceed." He said seating himself several chairs away from her.

"First, we will need agreement that we will be equal partners in bringing this accord to the rest of those who will be pledging their allegiance to whatever this is we're forming."

"What does that mean exactly?" Kylo's eyebrows shot up. It was the first demand and that was foreboding.

"It means you agree to put someone here who will accompany all negotiations with whomever you're calling to you, someone who can see that the interests of the Resistance are carried out along with whatever the Knights of Ren have planned."

"Only if we can appoint who will accompany those meetings." Kylo said clasping his hands on the table, gritting his teeth. Rey opened her mouth several times before realizing what he was getting at.

"You will appoint me." She made it a statement, his intentions made clear by the tension running through his body as he sat down the table from her.

"Unless there is anyone more qualified?" He ventured a guess.

"I doubt it. And you would likely not trust whoever it was if we chose someone besides me, correct?"

"Of course." He nodded a few times, his lips quirking up slightly before he returned to his unfeeling and unemotional mask.

"This is going to take days isn't it?" She asked as she got up and helped herself to the water and glasses closer to Kylo. It put her next to him and he looked up at her then, holding her glass of water, leaning against the table. He closed his eyes as her scent invaded his senses and it was all he could do not to grab her and pull her to him then.

"Yes." He said tightly.

"Good." She reached out a hand and placing it on his shoulder reassuringly. She squeezed once before letting go and moving back to her seat.

"Second…" She started and Kylo Ren growled under his breath as she continued down her list.

 

* * *

 

 

Dinner in the mess had come and gone by the time they had argued the finer points of demand three, which was that war crimes by the First Order would stand. This particular one impacted the Knights of Ren and Kylo ended up standing toe to toe with Rey yelling about how following orders wasn't the same as issuing the orders which only put him and Hux and a handful of others in the category of war criminal. Once Rey had realized the repercussions of what she was being asked to ask Kylo she backed off a bit, wondering how she could augment the demand to leave Kylo unaffected.

 _Don't._  The one word brushed across her mind as they stood, red and angry at one another in the conference room.  _Don't make this harder than it has to be_. He said in her mind, knowing then that she could feel the truth in what he was feeling.

"I will not let you take responsibility for something that Snoke demanded that you do." Rey balled her fists next to her, not caring that dinner had come and gone and that there was a gathering crowd outside of the meeting room as the Ren's watched their leader yelled at by Rey.

"I believed in what we were doing." He ground out. "Let me take responsibility."

"Why should you be punished and basically banished from this new Demarchy that you're helping to build when it was Snoke's plans and operations you were carrying out?"

"Because I did all of the things that you and my mother think I did. I kill innocents because I thought I was bringing balance. You can't tell me that you would want someone like that in your senate."

"No. Not just in the senate. You've shared a bed with me, which is infinitely more intimate. I'm not afraid that you're going to go on a murderous path across the galaxy again." She jetted out her hand, gesturing wildly.

"And how do you know that?" He was folding his frame down on top of her, using his size to his advantage.

"Because I've seen you. And because if you do, I will be forced to kill you and you know it." She exclaimed exasperated.

"Do you think you could do it?" He questioned, his voice whispered as he realized how close together they were standing and very aware of the audience they'd collected over the day of arguing. Even Chewy had come to watch the two through the glass door of the meeting room.

"I know I could." She looked up at him then, right in the eyes, feeling his panic. "I've seen it."

Kylo blew out his breath and took a step back then realizing that she was likely to be his death if he wasn't careful. He knew that even though his mother was allowing the proceedings, that she had some fail safe in place. To his honest dismay that fail safe was Rey. Sitting down he turned towards their audience and flicked his wrist, sending them scurrying away: not from the Force but from sheer terror of what he would do when he reached them once Rey and he were done arguing for the day.

"I can't believe that you would." He commented as he rested his arm on the chair and his chin in his hand, pondering exactly who and what he was inviting into his life.

"And I can't believe that you would submit to this particular demand without a fight. Why am I fighting more for you and your place within the New Galactic Government if you're not willing to do it?" She asked coming to stand in front of him.

Looking at her then, he wasn't sure why he felt he couldn't be part of it but he felt it to his bones that he wasn't made to be in society. He knew too well how the darkness pulled on him as much as the light and that he wouldn't, couldn't be a functioning member of society. Rey moved to him then, looking out the door and noticing the absence of anyone before she knelt in front of him, taking his hands then, touching him intimately for the first time that day. "You deserve to see this through." She moved her thumbs over his knuckles as she looked up at him. "You're not a monster. Do you think I would ever let you touch me if I believed you were unfit for society?" She breathed out, admitting to him, finally, that she really did trust him.

"And yet you are the one who will ensure that I don't turn back to the darkness, that I don't allow it to take me over and in taking me over take over the galaxy." The sadness was there in his words, that he understood what that meant for her relationship to him: that his mother and the Resistance would shackle her to him to ensure he maintained the balance.

"I will fight like hell to ensure that never happens. I will try to ensure that you are balanced each day before I let that happen." She lowered her head into his lap then, as tears threatened her eyes. He stroked her hair absentmindedly then, pondering what it all meant.

"And yet you will become my walking prison." He said. Rey looked at him then, raising her head realizing his words were likely very true. She opened her mouth to speak but he put his thumb on her bottom lip, silencing her then, not wanting to hear what she had to say. Closing her mouth the stared at each other for a few moments before Rey's thoughts came rushing to her.

"Let me search your mind." She said suddenly. "Search mine at the same time. I do not wish to be your prison."

"And what do you wish to be Rey?" He asked as she stood.

"Your equal. Your student. Your teacher. Your Ren."

"But you will kill me if you must?" He questioned standing, guarding his thoughts, following her nervous movement away from him.

"If I must, but only if there is no other option." Turning back to him she noticed his closeness and reached for him then, moving her arms around his middle. Kylo stood still for a few heartbeats before moving to envelope her in his embrace. "Let me see in your mind, search mine and see my intentions. Feel what I feel." She encouraged as she pulled back and looked up at him then. "And would it be so bad if I were shackled to you?" She asked a mischievous grin crossing her face briefly before she sobered. "Let me in." She breathed.

And he did. He dropped all barriers between them and let her feel all of what he was feeling: the hurt, the betrayal, the exhilaration, the caution, all of it. Rey staggered against the weight of what he was feeling added to her own feelings, her hands balling in the fabric of his tunic, and she pushed out then with her feelings hoping to convey to him the conflict she felt. She reached into all of his mind that she could touch, looking for all of the things the Resistance had sent her there to discover and more. She felt how he felt about her and finally knew that it wasn't game any longer that he wasn't just testing her and her abilities now, it was him. His emotions for her were strong and untainted by deception or holding anything back.

"Don't go back to the darkness or all of this will be moot." She dug her chin into his chest. "I want you to be able to enjoy what you are building, to not think too much about the future and that you will be excluded from it somehow. Just work through this with me to lessen the sentence on you so that you can join the new government. Don't count yourself out before you've even tried."

Kylo looked down at her then, feeling the openness of her emotions towards him. Saw the way she had been excluded and ostracized for him, intentionally fighting to convince people that there was good in him. He'd seen the imaginary future she wanted for the galaxy: one where there wasn't a Resistance or First Order, one where she could settle somewhere and practice using the Force without having to worry about the next move or the next battle. His plans hadn't even made it that far but clearly hers had. "The darkness is all I can remember." He smoothed her hair away from her face.

"You remember me." She said softly. "I am not the darkness."

"Why do you fight so hard for me?" His brows furrowed quizzically. Rey shrugged. He'd seen the way she felt about him, felt the confused feelings she always felt about him and still he asked. He was waiting for her to realize that the feelings were more than just wanting to pull him into the light, that they had morphed into something more. "Someday you'll know."

"And why are you fighting so hard for this new government if you don't want to be part of it?" She turned the tables then.

"Because it is what is right." He breathed, not wanting to have this conversation any longer.

"Exactly." She said. He frowned down at her then lowering his lips to hers understanding that she felt the same passion about saving him, one single person, as he did about restoring balance to the galaxy. And maybe that was the only way balance would be restored: if Rey stood with him.

"I'll escort you back to the Falcon." He took a step back then and took both her hands in his raising them to his lips. "I doubt that kissing the Ambassador is usually part of the negotiation process." He said brushing his lips against her knuckles. Rey sucked in her breath at the small gesture.

"Not at any of the other negotiations I've been sent to." She admitted as she pulled her hands out of his.

Kylo pulled the cloth over his face, tucked his gloves into his waistband, and opened the door for Rey. "Milady." He bowed slightly and motioned for her to go ahead of him. The walked in silence to the Falcon, both pensive about the days of negotiations they had and the new information they'd gathered.

"Good night Rey." Kylo said bowing again before turning to leave.

"Good night Kylo." She whispered into the dark as she watched him walk away.


	13. The League of Rutan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinting of D/s...maybe?

Two months later…

Rey and General Organa arrived on Rutan for the signing of the League of Rutan. They were escorted through the Ren's warehouse to a fairly large table set up in the middle of the now cluttered space. Rey had been bouncing back and forth between the Resistance and the Rens over the two months, primarily observing negotiations and staying on the Falcon with Chewy and R2. General Organa was motioned to sit at the head of the table, Kylo sat at the opposite end. Leia smirked at the gesture, he certainly did always like symbolism, even now.

"Welcome General, Ambassador." He nodded through the veil and offered an open hand for them to be seated. "We are all here today to sign the League of Rutan. By signing this document, we are all agreeing to allow our people to be selected and put into the Senate on a lottery-based system. This lottery will take years to build, as there is no designated place for the Senate to meet at this time. We know there will be opposition from the First Order. General Organa would you like to elaborate on what the Resistance will be doing in the next 6 months while many others will be locating and building the Senate?" He sat then waiting for his mother to explain.

"The Resistance will continue to engage the First Order in the same fashion we always have: when necessary and as strategically as we can. At this point," She moved toward the middle of the table and placed a memory drive into the holo emitter, "We know where the First Order is gathering people to become Storm troopers. With Joon-ayn's assistance and troopers we will engage them on two fronts. Here" She pointed to the Er'Kit system. "And here." Pointing to a small portion of what used to be the outer rim systems controlled by the New Republic. "As long as we can keep them distracted we should be able to start preparations of the New Senate. The Confederacy will locate the best planet to relocate to while Kylo and the Rens continue to sweep all ranks of all of our units for spies."

"How do we know that this isn't some elaborate set up by the First Order?" One of the delegates from the former Orthodox Advent interjected gesturing towards the Knights of Ren who stood behind Kylo.

"Because I am leaving one of my ambassadors here to monitor and report back if anything gets out of hand." Leia motioned towards Rey who sat a little taller. "She was trained by one of the last Jedis in the galaxy on detecting deception. She will report back any misgivings she is having."

"We heard another story." Rotta's translator said. "That the two are lovers bent on taking over the galaxy."

Kylo Ren laughed then at the presumption of the large wormlike man. "She would kill me in an instant if she thought I was here for the First Order, even if she was my lover, which is absolutely no concern of yours." He gestured towards Rey.

"I can and will kill Kylo if the need arises." Rey confirmed looking into the large glazed eyes of the Hutt.

"She has already almost managed to kill him twice now. She is one of the only ones who might have a chance if this is some very elaborate ruse." The General returned to her seat.

"Fine." The translator hissed as Rotta nodded his enormous head.

"Any other concerns?" Kylo offered before rising. The group remained silent. "Then please sign the document. As requested by many of you one of the Rens will accompany you back to your respective areas to determine any level of infiltration within your groups."

The General and Rey were the last left to sign the document by the end of the day. Leia felt the odd tension between the two even as they stood across the room from one another. She reached down and signed the papers. She looked then into the eyes of her son and felt some tightening in her chest.

"Take care of her." The General motioned to Rey. "Destroying her trust will destroy more than just her." She warned.

"I know." Kylo breathed out looking across towards Rey.

Rey stayed standing across the room as Leia stopped in front of her and pulled the girl into a hug. "Keep your guard up."

"Of course General. May the Force be with you." Rey bowed slightly as the General exited before turning to Kylo and the rest of the Rens that did not leave with the alliance.

"Rey welcome. We will have introductions tomorrow. Targen will escort you to your quarters." Kylo motioned to one of the Rens. "If you would like to join forms tomorrow morning, they start at 4am sharp. We will have food sent to your quarters tonight while you are settling in. After that food will be served in our mess hall."

"Am I allowed to move about freely?" She asked, pursing her lips as she was dismissed.

"Of course." He turned then beginning to address the remaining men on their assignments. Rey huffed a bit before following Targen down the hall and up the narrow back staircase that led to what had to once have been offices. There was a small room with a large window facing out over the factory on one side and another facing out towards the large open space at the top of the stairs. The room held a cot pushed up against the window, a sink, a small dresser, and R2.

"We took the liberty of escorting R2 here." Targen held an arm out for her to pass by him through the door. "The door locks from the inside." He closed the door showing her by swiping a key card. He then handed her the card. "This will grant you access to the entire building. Kylo insisted that you be given access to the computer server rooms too, which are on the first floor. Hardly anyone is allowed in there." Targen was fishing. Rey just smiled at the Ren. His eyes trailed over the young woman wondering what had possessed the General to leave her with the Rens.

"Thank you." She took the key from him and swiping it to reopen the door as she motioned for him to leave. "It is nice to meet you Targen. I will join the Rens tomorrow for forms." She dismissed him, turning back to R2. Rey moved about the small space, unpacking the small amount of clothing she'd brought with her, counting out how many steps were between the door and the wall, noticing it was a nice space. She sat on the bed then turning her attention to a small book on the dresser. Curious she frowned and picked up the book. A small note dropped out. 

 

_Rey,_

_Welcome. We are glad to have you here. I am trying my best to keep this strictly professional, especially in front the Knights._

_Forever your Knight_

_K_

Rey rolled her eyes but felt her heart betray her as it fluttered, that he had thought ahead enough to put the book and the note in her room . She blushed then, noticing that her mood was sour because she didn't feel like he was paying enough attention to her, especially after she was the reason the deal was brokered in the first place. Sighing, she reached for the Force realizing that what she was feeling wasn't a particularly nice feeling and it was one that Master Luke had only warned her about on rare occasion: pride. She had improved her skills very much since the first days on the Island with Luke and thought maybe that was why the pride had snuck up on her.

Food arrived shortly after Rey had started to read the little book. She set it down as Targen delivered the food. She thanked him politely and looked at what looked like rations. Smiling to herself she wondered just how little the Knights of Ren had if they were resorting to buying rations. Rutan's climate wasn't conducive to growing too many vegetables but terraforming was pretty common in the outer rim planets. After finishing her food she turned back to the book, laying on the cot with the small table light on and the door open. She wondered vaguely if anyone else was posted on the same level and knew if she stayed up long enough she would find out.

The sunset and Rey knelt on the cot and looked out the window into the manufacturing facility and watched as the Rens moved about their business. They were on computers, talking, arguing. It looked very much like the Resistance, except for the black clothes they all wore like a uniform.

"Hey." Kylo's voice came from the door. Rey had felt him moving but hadn't really paid attention to his approach. She jumped a little. "Too distracted to notice me coming?" He leaned against the doorframe and removing the scarf from his face.

"I guess." She put the book down and scooting off the bed to stand. "So do I have to call you sir or master in front of the troops?" She joked pointing back to the window.

"Master will suffice."

"Are you serious?" She scoffed.

"Of course not." He said grinning from ear to ear.

"Whew you had me going for a moment there." She tittered a little laugh glad she wouldn't have to call him that. "So how will this be working? And what do you have me doing here?"

"We'll go over that tomorrow morning. Most likely we will have you on computer operations and making sure everything runs." He stepped into the small space then. "I came to see if there was anything else you might need?" He offered then.

"Just a kiss and then you can go."

"Kicking me out?" He looked shocked as he put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her towards him.

"Yes well your note did say you wanted to keep this professional, can't have you spending the night my first night here. If you want the men to see you as their leader, we need to limit our contact." She looked up at him then. "Especially after what happened with the Hutts this afternoon." Kylo pondered what she was saying and found it had merit. Nodding he lowered his lips to hers briefly before taking a step back. "Hey get back here." She pulled his shirt to bring him back to her. "Maybe just a little more than that!" She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and stood on her toes to kiss him.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey settled into a routine with the Knights of Ren: forms for two hours in the morning, check the servers from the nights transmissions, breakfast, briefings, strategy meetings with the Knights and Resistance, sparing with Kylo, lunch, communications with the leaders of the fleet and the Rens stationed throughout the fleet, dinner, then strategy lessons until Rey was too exhausted to think. It was the routine that made Rey feel as if she belonged there with the Rens, fighting to build something new.

The Resistance had been engaging the First Order every chance they got. Poe and Finn both reported to Rey about the dogfights and how they were trying to minimize the risk. If the goal was now to start a new government, they would want Resistance fighters to have a chance to be chosen for the new government too, meaning that Poe was trying to get his troops to take more calculated risks instead of risking everything.

Rey had been with the Rens for a little over a month when the first reports from the two spies sent to the First Order began reporting back on their progress.

"Sir." Milos Ren said coming into view as a hologram. "The First Order is preparing to leave for the Dagobah system. They have heard that something is building to move against them."

"Do they have anything specific yet?" Kylo asked as he stood with his arms crossed across his chest next to Ka'Ren.

"I don't believe so sir but my clearance level isn't quite high enough to attend all of the meetings." Milos admitted. Rey watched as the man looked ashamed for a brief moment before transforming his face into a mask once again.

"Ambassador, can you speak with the Resistance and see if we can't increase Milos's clearance level?"

"Sir." She confirmed from behind him, making a note in a little book she'd been keeping. There had been too many tasks in too short of a time to keep relying on her memory to do the work.

"That is all." Kylo pressed the holo emitter to switch off. Rey moved to another console to begin contacting the Resistance. She had just punched in the transponder codes as Kylo approached, face covered, eyes intent. He turned his back to the monitor and leaned into Rey.

"Come visit me tonight, after we're finished with training." Rey looked up into his eyes then.

"Are you asking or telling?" She straightened.

He pondered for a moment. "Yes."

"Alright." She said quietly before reaching behind him to get her checklist for the day.

He leaned in closer, hearing the holo emitter starting as the Resistance made a connection and whispered, "Call me sir for the rest of the day and see what happens."

Rey's eyes widened as they met his. "Yes sir." She breathed, feeling her pulse quicken before turning to the Resistance fighter sitting, waiting for her to acknowledge the connection had been made. "Please get me Commander Hessen." Rey said as she felt Kylo walk away. She let out her breath a little, feeling a thrill at playing a little game out in plain sight. She didn't realize when she'd answered so curtly during the discussion with Milos that it would lead to something like what just happened.


	14. Sir

The rest of the day was relatively uneventful: the Resistance was working on increasing the security level of the two spies in the First Order without tripping any alarms, the Rens were all on edge as the reports started to come in and it indicated that the First Order was beginning to suspect something was coming. Rey avoided directly speaking with Kylo as much as possible throughout the rest of the day understanding that if she didn't that the little game they were playing would be very evident if she started to call him sir now after a month of only addressing him as Kylo.

"So Rey, what did you think of our first reports from the front line?" Gak T'oh, Ka'Ren's new apprentice, asked.

"It is troubling that the First Order is already picking up on what we're doing."

"You have to consider we've been here for over 6 months now, they were bound to hear something. We can't convince everyone that we're lowly Resistance fighters who were banished. Especially after we started to call people to meet us here." Ka'Ren said.

"We will see what comes from their sweep." Kylo tone was dark, not liking where the conversation was going.

"Yes." Ka turned his attention to his apprentice. "Tomorrow we will begin forms after the rest finish theirs. Make sure to sleep enough tonight."

"Yes master." Gak T'oh rose from the table, finished with his food.

"He is young. He doesn't understand that words have power yet." Ka said almost as an apology.

"Everyone feels it, even if we don't speak of it." Rey pushed her empty tray away.

"Yes, he will learn to just feel the tension and not mention it. Giving words to such things gives them more power than we should allow." Kylo said. "Rey, it is time for strategy training." He rose then, feeling his body betray him as he felt his heart hammer at having her that night.

"Sir." She nodded curtly as she rose to follow him out of the mess hall. She followed behind him closely, past the living area where they usually trained and found that his mind was on a one-way path that night as they stopped at his quarters. He looked from side to side before turning to her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling them both into the small space and closing the door in one motion.

Kylo pressed her against the door, wedging a knee between her thighs as he removed his gloves and pulled off the headgear, his slight curls were in complete disarray as he stooped to kiss her then, bruising his lips to hers. Rey gasped at the swiftness of it, the need she could feel behind the kiss.

"Say it again." He pulled back as he started kissing down her neck and then continue further to where her shirt crisscrossed across her chest. She gasped slightly trying to focus on what he'd asked her.

"Sir?" She questioned, feeling his arms tighten around her body then. She looked down at the top of his head then and reached with both hands for his face to pull him back up to look at her. "So is that your game then?" She asked as he was eye level with her again.

"Yes." He breathed out, not even really understanding why the one small word had turned him on earlier that day. "Only play if you want to." He whispered as he ducked his head back to her neck again, hiding his embarrassment. Rey could feel through the Force that he wasn't entirely happy with the way he'd reacted to the word but felt the rigidness of his body, and the reaction he'd just had and decided it was a small thing to do for someone she cared about and it cost her almost nothing.

"Of course, sir, anything you want." She whispered. He groaned at her words then lifting her against him and capturing her lips with his again. She used her legs to hold herself against him while he fumbled with the buttons on her shirt and she with his. Pulling back slightly they both divested the other of the offending garments before Kylo turned them towards the cot. He pulled her bra up and over her head then, caressing a hand down her back as he threw the fabric to the ground and then moved his hands to her thighs, pushing her from him to set her on the ground. He slowly folded his body down hers as he kissed a trail from her neck down to her navel, and he knelt then pulling her pants down before edging her back onto the cot to remove her boots and pants completely.

"Stand back up." He instructed as he remained kneeling, while he removed his boots and socks. Rey looked confused as she stood next to the cot and watched as he turned his eyes upwards towards her and his hands moved from her calves up to the backs of her knees and around towards the insides of her thighs. Rey gasped at the small touches, feeling him trace his hands up, almost to the apex of her thighs before moving his hands back down in a teasing pattern. As his hands moved down the same path they'd just traced up, he pulled the Force against her skin, pressing his want and need to her, feeling her respond.

Slowly Kylo leaned forward, rubbing his face against her stomach while tracing back up with his hands. He kissed her stomach then, trailing kisses increasingly lower. He felt Rey tense as he moved even with her sex and he could feel her hesitation. Pressing his nose against her, he breathed in her scent noting that it was familiar to him. Smiling to himself he turned his face upwards towards her and watched her intently as his mouth opened and covered her, between her folds. Rey froze as she looked down at Kylo then, unsure what he was thinking. Wasn't she supposed to be submitting to him? Wasn't that the game they'd started earlier that day?

She felt him place pressure between his hands where they rested between her thighs, asking for her to open to him without taking his mouth off of her. Gulping she shuffled her feet wider, opening herself to him. Kylo took advantage of the new position as he gave her an open-mouthed kiss down there, similar to what he'd been doing to her mouth earlier, his tongue darting in places exploring her as much as she allowed. Rey yelped at the sensation of having him in such a sensitive area, especially after feeling how heated and wet she was down there. The sensation started to feel different as he moved back to focus on the sensitive nub and push on the Force there too. As the feeling starts to push Rey towards the edge, she tried to remain still, feeling like it would be very easy to injure him in this position.

"Stop holding back." He growls against her before starting to draw lazy circles around her as one of his hands moved between her thighs and pushed two fingers in her, exploring her further.

"Sir." She says looking down at his eyes that have been watching her the whole time. She watches as the heat from earlier in the day flashes through his eyes and he sucks on her then. It is almost pain as he grazes her with his teeth and she hisses out before he pulls back and uses only his tongue again. Rey let go then, trusting that Kylo would catch her or stop her if she got close to hurting him. She moved her hips then enjoying the feelings crashing through her. She felt the Force pressing against her skin, through her, and she cried out just enjoying the sensations that were rolling through her. She came suddenly and without warning as she started thinking about how much she wanted him and need him in that moment. Kylo caught her with the Force as her knees started to shake. Standing he moved his pants off before covering her body with his, dragging her under him now on the cot as he raised his lips to hers.

Rey tasted herself for the first time on someone else's lips and thought how strange it was but not completely unpleasant. She vaguely wondered what he would taste like or what they would taste like together before she felt his weight on her as he rolled them and she welcomed it, shifting her legs open to make room there for him. Taking her orgasm while standing naked above him had been erotic but lonely. She needed more skin contact to feel the connection. She relished the feel of his skin against her now as she shifted against him wanting him inside of her more desperately than she'd ever felt the need before. He continued kissing her though, not moving to complete the act, just covering her with his warmth and strength.

"Tell me how that felt." He whispered moving to kiss next to her ear, pushing his want and need away for a moment, wanting her to want him as much as he wanted her when she'd inadvertently thrown a switch in him earlier that day with a simple 'Sir'.

Rey swallowed, not wanting to speak, only wanting to feel him. Feeling her hesitation he rose on an elbow and looked at her then. Caressing his other hand up her neck, he used the pad of his thumb to capture her lip that was glistening with his kisses directly after making her cum. "Good." She managed to get out, mesmerized by the need she saw in his eyes and that he was holding back. "Lonely, and frantic sir." He closed his eyes against the heat that beat against him every time that small word fell from her lips to describe him.

"And now?" He asked.

"I want you inside of me, sir." She gulped as she watched his pulse hammer and his breath quicken. Smiling shyly, Rey tried something. "Now please….sir" She whimpered. He took her at her word, covering her body with his as he found her ready for him as he thrust inside of her just once before bringing his brow to rest against hers, watching to see if it was too fast or too rough for her. He was delighted when she shifted her hips and sighed out in pleasure at the swiftness that'd he'd filled her and took that as a sign that he could begin moving.

Kylo's movements were frantic, uncontrolled, from the days' worth of public teasing that few were likely to pick up on. Many called him sir but he'd never reacted the way he had today as he had when she'd spoken it. Kylo's resolve was almost non-existent and within very few thrusts he was already standing on the edge, waiting for the one thought that would push him over. Rey cried out under him as she reached for the Force and pulled it through him; it was enough. Kylo's movements became jerky as he stilled his hips, cumming inside Rey for the third time ever and feeling the tension that had been building all day being torn from his lips as he growled out, thrusting a few more times before stilling above her.

Rey panted under Kylo watching him take his pleasure in her, realizing how the teasing had built things between them, as if they'd had a head start before they'd even touched each other that day. She felt a warm glow spreading throughout her body and she whispered something she'd been hesitant to even admit to herself then, "I love you." She said, knowing it was dangerous to even voice. She knew that he'd felt how she'd felt about him and that saying the words wasn't completely necessary. She knew that he felt the same or maybe even more for her through their connection and sharing their thoughts without words on many nights since she'd arrived.

Kylo rested both of his elbows on either side of her head then, careful not to catch her hair that had fallen out of the usual way she wore it. "I love you." He breathed looking down at her beauty then, still resting on top of her and inside of her. He felt the desire and lust lance through him again as he said the words and he swore lightly under his breath as his body reacted to the words. "Do me a favor?" He asked as he rolled slightly to the side of her, not breaking eye contact. "Tell me that someday when you're furious with me, not again like this."

Rey frowned at his request before nodding slowly. "You'll believe it more when I say it then?" She asked trying to get clarification.

"Yes." He sighed as he traced a hand across her furrowed brow. "I believe it now; I will believe it even more then."

"Of course." She leaned up and pressed her lips to his still feeling the desire pulse through her. She placed a hand on his chest and pushed him over to lie on his back while she moved to kneel between his legs. He looked at her quizzically, breathing still ragged from taking his pleasure.

"What are you doing little light?" He asked, watching himself bob up and down at the thought of having her again so soon and it was painful.

"It is my turn to taste." She ducked down to lick his shaft then, never taking her eyes from him.

"Rey!" He cried out, shocked as he raised up on his elbows to look down as she moved her mouth up and down the shaft of him, using lips and tongue to lick the length of him, before returning to the head of him and using her hand to stand him upright before enveloping him in her mouth. They tasted sour and salty and Rey found that it wasn't as bad or as good as she'd hoped but she did find that their tastes erotic enough to continue to move her lips and tongue down him then, pushing further than she likely should have, she tried not to gag before dragging her lips back up him then. "Let's save that for another time." He pleaded with her pulling on her shoulders, desperate to move her off of him as the pain was becoming too intense.

"Yes sir." Her cheeky response came after she pulled her lips off of him with a little 'pop' noise. Kylo collapsed onto the bed relieved and hot all over again.

"Just give me twenty minutes." He said tucking her into his shoulder, reveling in feeling her naked length against him. "And then I will have you at least one more time tonight."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has very little plot. Skip to the next chapter if you're not looking for lemons! :X

Rey joined the Knights of Ren the next morning. She'd returned to her quarters late into the night, feeling satisfied and slightly exhausted from Kylo's attentions that night. Usually she felt energized but after last night she'd felt soft and weak in the knees. She had drifted off to sleep trying to decide which she liked better.

The day had dawned too soon for Rey and she noticed as she did her stretched before joining the Rens for forms that she was a little bit sore from their exertions.

Calming her mind, Rey fell into formation with her staff, its twin sabers safely sheathed as they ran through the warm up forms silently. It was one of her favorite parts of the day: the silent strength of all of them moving as one. It had taken her a few days to learn the beginning routine and all of the words they called the moves after the warm up but by now she would move as the next move was called out by Targen or Ka without thinking.

Today though, Rey felt her mind wandering back to their last encounter from their second go the night before:

" _Turn over." Kylo said as he stood next to the cot. Rey did as instructed, puzzled by the position. "Now rise to your knees." He instructed watching the curve of her back, noticing that she was shaking a little. He moved between her thighs, brushing himself against her then but not entering her, just rubbing against her. She moaned slightly and looked back over her shoulder a little shyly then. He traced a hand down her back and around her waist to press a hand low against her belly. Rey turned away from him puzzled but trusting._

_Kylo pressed inside of Rey once again while he pressed his hand against her stomach and felt her shift slightly uncomfortable against him then. The angle was different and with a hand where it was, he was pressing on things that didn't seem like they should be affected by their movements but clearly were having an effect. Slowly he moved in and out, feeling his hand pressing things as he pulled the Force there too. Rey's cry came unexpectedly to both of them as the feeling started to become one of intense pleasure._

" _Faster." She insisted as she felt something building inside of her already. He moved slowly in and out, not listening to her command. He continued for several more thrusts before he felt her quivering around him and knew she was close to losing it. "Please, sir." She was insistent then. He grinned to himself then and increased his speed, feeling her quivering begin as she hung her head and panted as an orgasm overtook her then. Rey tried to still his motions then, slow things down again as the pleasure seemed to be too much but Kylo's movements didn't pause. Instead he moved the hand from her stomach to between her thighs as he rapidly rubbed there and felt her quiver around him again and before she could get out that it was too much, that she couldn't handle more pleasure, he pushed the Force against her entire body and felt her orgasm again and again, not ending for a handful of heartbeats. Only then did he slow his attention as he felt that his own orgasm was just moments away. She was clamped delightfully around him as he pulled out from her, stepped off the cot to move towards her mouth._

" _Take me in your mouth." He pressed himself to her lips. She looked up at him then; the haze of multiple ograsms still glazing her eyes. "Please." He added putting a hand under her chin and tilted her mouth towards him and watched in awe as she did as he asked but remained on her knees and hands. He moved himself inside of her warm, wet mouth and the thought of what they'd just done and what they were currently doing which pushed Kylo to his orgasm without her even touching him. He grit his teeth and used his own hand to move the skin around his shaft while she applied a light sucking pressure to his tip and he felt it take all of his will not to allow his knees to collapse then. It only took a few strokes while he watched her watch him above her, eyes wide, as his shaft moved slowly in and out between her lips._

_Flinging his head back Kylo moved a hand into her hair and pulled her further down on him, trying to remember how far she'd taken him of her own free will just twenty minutes before as he spilled his hot cum into her mouth. Holding her there, he looked down at her then as she seemed panicked that there was so much fluid suddenly filling her mouth._

" _Swallow." He whispered as he watched her do as instructed as she tried to swallow with him still in her mouth. Kylo shivered as he watched and felt her taste him before drawing back slowly. He shivered again before looking around for his shirt. Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Rey looked blissful and far away. Kylo knelt before her and used his shirt to wipe down what they'd just done before leaning in and kissing her slowly, carefully, and sweetly, tasting their joining on her lips. It was the slowness of it that brought Rey back to her senses, and she wrapped her arms around his bare shoulders and shivered. "That was the most erotic thing I have ever felt or seen." He said when he pulled back and stayed kneeling next to the bed. "Did I hurt you?" He asked concerned by her quietness._

" _No, not at all." She looked down at him. "It was just… I don't even know, a lot to take in."_

_He laughed at her inadvertent joke then, "You said you wanted to taste...should I not have done that?" He questioned._

_She giggled nervously then, "I just didn't expect it that was all. And I didn't know that my body could keep going after an orgasm like that."_

" _But you enjoyed it?" He stood then and moved to lie on the bed, dragging her on top of him._

" _Very much." She smiled then, putting her hands together across his chest and resting her chin there then. "Can we do it again sometime?" She asked._

" _Any time you want." He moved his hands to touch her back, to feel her skin under his hands then._

"Rey?" Targen stood in front of her then, noticing her movements had stopped as she'd retreated back into her thoughts. She blushed and was thankful for the darkness of the hour.

"My apologies." She stood ready again. Targen continued moving down the line calling out moves as they began to move as one again.

Rey went about the rest of her day settling back into the routine she had: discussions within the Resistance, updates, working on making sure the communications was up and running as she tried to push out any thought of what they'd done the night before from her mind.


	16. Spies

Three months later…

"You have to learn not to drop your shoulder like that." Kylo scolded as they sparred for the day. Their sabers clashed over and over again, Kylo was trying to teach Rey the finer points of swordplay still. Considering he'd been training at least ten years more than her, he felt he knew more than her. It irked her to no end, even though they did it every day; it especially annoyed her since staff fighting was significantly different from using a one bladed saber.

Gritting her teeth she widened her stance and balanced the staff low across her hips and waited for his advance. He was almost always the one advancing since Rey's training had principally been focused on defense and not attack. Today Kylo stood and waited: this was part of the training too, getting Rey out of her comfort zone of defense and putting her on the offensive. Taking a few tentative steps in his direction she forced the staff up with one hand, barely catching the edge of the hilt before the saber with the other hand as it thrust out in Kylo's direction, almost coming into contact with him. Growling he took a step back not realizing that she had been practicing the move for months now.

Rey advanced on him now that he was in retreat, pulling the staff hilt back into a more balanced position as she spun it in his direction and pushed him across the room with her unwieldy movements. As soon as his saber met one of her blades, she spun so the other came within inches of him again. Frowning, Kylo focused harder on where the blades were instead of thinking about how Rey usually fought, since clearly she had been learning new things on her own. Rey ended up with the staff tucked under her arm, along her side, one of the blades buzzing next to her ear as she moved and swept a leg under Kylo, using the Force and his momentum from blocking her last rally to tumble the much larger person to the ground. Kylo dropped his saber then, tumbling to the ground. Pouncing, Rey straddled Kylo's upper arms, pressing the medial heads of his humerus into the mat they were practicing on, cutting off circulation and any ability to move as she shoved the hilt of the staff under his chin.

"Yield." He said for the first time that day. Rey smiled brilliantly as she shifted her weight to either side of his torso, sheathing her blades, letting the feeling move back into his arms. "You're improving." His comment came out almost distastefully as he looked up at her, moving his hands to her thighs urging her to shift down. "Soon you won't need my instructions." He rolled over on top of her and pinned her beneath him. He kissed her then bruisingly, not enjoying having been beat by her. The kiss was short lived as they both felt someone coming to towards the room and Kylo tried to pull away. She rose up as he felt Ka'Ren approaching and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders as she pressed her lips just as fervently against his. Growling he extracted her arm from him and pinned one above her head and one at her side as Ka'Ren came to stand inside of the sparring room.

"Glad I never won against you." Ka's voice came out amused as he looked at the two entwined on the ground. Kylo rose on his knees before he moved to stand, offering Rey a hand. She knocked it away, not enjoying the feeling of being slighted. Ka, of all of the Rens, knew exactly what was going on between Rey and Kylo.

"What is it?" Kylo's voice came out threateningly as he moving to get the towel and wipe the sweat from his brow.

"Two Order spies have been located in quadrant 16." Ka stood at attention, his hands behind his back.

"Are they here?" Kylo asked.

"Yes. They are being held out in the yard." Ka nodded towards one of the large windows near the ceiling of the sparring room.

"Good." Kylo said darkly throwing the towel on the ground before bending to pick up his tunic, robes, and headdress. "Rey would you like to accompany me to interrogate our new prisoners?"

"Ka, can we have a moment?" Rey's stiff tone told Kylo exactly what she was going to say. Ka'Ren nodded, feeling the tension escalating quickly in the room. He bowed once and exited hastily.

"Ashamed of me?" She asked as she stood directly in front of him. He could feel the anger coming off of her but hadn't expected the discussion to be about _that_. Kylo froze. "You pulled away pretty quickly when you felt Ka coming." She moved into his personal space, not liking the feeling that was spreading through her.

"Not ashamed." He mumbled as he stopped wrapping the scarves around his hair, "Just didn't want to get caught in the act."

"Great, so my friends know all about us. Have  _seen_  us making out and you, you pull away when the one knight that already knows our involvement comes to interrupt us?"

"I thought we'd agreed to keep this professional?" His features were dark as he became confused with what she was saying. He had thought she would rail against the prisoners waiting out in the yard, not about him pulling away because Ka was coming. She frowned, understanding that that was true but he had known who was coming, known that Ka knew. "Do you want me to go announce it?" He turned to move towards the CIC, "Because I will shout it out to them if you require I do so." He growled as she pulled him back towards her.

"I see your point." She released him arm.

"Would you like to accompany me to interrogate the prisoners?" He asked as he tucked his gloves in his belt and moved the cloth over his face.

"Yes." She picked up her towel and retrieving her staff from the mat where she'd dropped it.

They moved silently through the base to the court yard.

Out in the yard a woman and a man were kneeling, with their hands bound behind them as Targen and Ka stood over them, waiting for Kylo. Rey's nervousness increased as they approached, wondering what types of techniques the new Knights of Ren would employ.

"Who sent you?" Targen asked again as Kylo came to stand in front of the two. It was clear he was getting nowhere. The two remained silent, looking up defiantly at the group. Rey gulped and fought back the bile that rose in her throat as she realized what they would have to do to get the information.

Kylo's eyes flicked to Rey's as he stood wondering what he should do then, whether or not to probe the minds of the two. After only pausing for a moment he reached a hand out sifting through their memories one by one. The information rose easily as it was what they were both trying to hide: that they were there for the First Order. Kylo watched in their memories as they had reported that a group of people garbed in all black was building something against the First Order, reporting directly to Hux. Kylo's anger rose before he even realized it and he stepped forward and drew his blade in a swift movement. He was shocked as he withdrew from their minds to find his saber crossed with Rey's.

_Not like this_ , her thought came across his as her face hardened.

"And what would you have me do with them little light?" He asked as he took a step towards her, moving his saber to his side swiftly as placed a hand on her face then. She blushed realizing that he was settling their previous argument with that touch.

"Hold them until the plans unfold. Allow them to transmit short messages about their progress; do not allow their silence to alert the First Order about what is happening." She looked up at him then fiercely, knowing she was currently standing between him and the darkness just as Leia had hoped.  He looked at her for a few heartbeats, measuring her words in his mind before nodding slowly.

"Fine. They are yours." He said dismissively as he sheathed his saber and turned to walk away. "Show her a place she can house them until she figures out what to do with them." He nodded to Targen then.

The prisoners were placed in a room that locked from the outside. Rey fretted over what to do with the two, but knew she couldn't be responsible for their deaths immediately after they'd retrieved the information from them. Furious, Rey checked the room once over to anything sharp and found the room barer than any place she'd ever been held before. She turned then moving to the exit.

"Thank you." The woman said standing near the door.

"We're not done yet. Thank me later, if we all survive." She growled, knowing that this would cost her dearly with the Knights.

Rey moved to the CIC, checking the incoming transmissions, ensuring they were all captured and uploaded properly before moving to stand next to Kylo and Ka. Kylo's entire body sang with anger answering her anger with the same intensity. Ka stood silently waiting for one of the two to dismiss him or speak.

"Can I speak with you? Privately?" Rey finally broke.

"I really don't want to speak about it right now." He leaned over the light table, reaching for a report from one of the Rens.

"Well I do." She hissed coming to brush up against him, letting him know she wasn't going away anytime soon.

"You want to fight today." He straightened then, turning towards her, and looking into her eyes. "I don't wish to discuss this with you while you're in this mood." He motioned up and down as though there was something defective with her. Rey set her mouth into a hardline and looked at him through her lashes, feeling the anger pulse between them, blocking out the fact that most of the Rens in the area had stopped what they were doing and were focused on the two.

"Fine." She hissed stepping into him further. "We'll speak of it later." She turned to go before she felt Kylo grab her arm. Faltering then, she remembered their night a few months ago and she leaned back towards him and whispered angrily, "I love you." She spat out more like a swear than feeling the words. She watched from the corners of her eyes as his eyes softened, realizing that she'd done what he'd asked of her.

He pulled her a few more steps until she was pressed against him, "I love you." He hissed quietly with as much emotion he felt, including the anger, as he released her and let her huff as she stormed away from him.

Rey found herself outside the building then, looking for a quiet place to meditate. Her anger, once awoken, was a difficult beast to subdue and she struggled with the fact that she did seem to be trying to pick a fight. The last time she remembered doing that was with Finn and Poe over the Resistance fighters and what to do with them if they joined the League. Rey found a flat place on the plains that stretched out away from the base and sat down, placing her staff in front of her as she cleared her mind to meditate. It was the sun's setting that notified her that it was time to return to base.

After locating rations for her and the prisoners, Rey delivered them tersely. Clearly the meditations hadn't cleared her mind. Rey decided to take her food to her room then, to be alone with her thoughts a little longer. She left the door open but found after she'd finished her food that she was exhausted from fighting with Kylo that day and from the adrenaline that had pulsed through her when she'd had to block Kylo's killing blow. Laying down briefly, it felt as though she barely blinked before she found Kylo sitting on the floor next to her cot, reading something, his face bare. Feeling her wake, he put down the bulletin from the Resistance and leaned an arm up on the cot and rested his chin there to look at Rey as she watched him from her side.

"You scared me today." She mumbled, staying where she was, pulling the blanket up around her shoulders then.

"I know." He stated. He'd scared himself at the quickness he'd drawn down on the spies but he knew that leaving them alive was a liability. "Why did you want to fight today?" He asked as he lifted his other hand to brush back her hair. Frowning, Rey puzzled out why.

"Honestly, I'm not sure." She admitted.

"Can I join you?" He asked then. Her eyes shifted to the open door. "Who cares?" He asked then.

"I don't." She opened the blanket and inviting him in then as she moved back. He stood, removing his boots and climbing in next to her, putting an arm across her hips then as he faced her.

"Thank you." He breathed pushing his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

"For what?" She letting the calming feeling wash over her as she felt his body heat begin to move between the two of them.

"For standing between me and the darkness." He moved his hand up then and traced her brow where it furrowed as she pondered what he was saying. "And for saying you loved me when you were absolutely furious with me." He moved his lips to kiss hers very briefly before he pulled back further to look at her then and watch the emotions play across her face.

"It was definitely one of the more difficult 'I love yous' I've ever said." She admitted brushing her hand into his hair, loving the silky feeling of it as she pushed it back.

"Well it did sound like you used it like a swear." He smiled then, which turned into a low rumbling laugh as he watched her face as she realized that was exactly how she'd meant it. Blushing she nodded.

"Thank you for openly admitting the fact that we're together. Pulling me to you like that in front of the CIC definitely shows that something is going on. It means a lot to me." She bit her lip then, not really understanding why she wanted everyone to know they were involved all of the sudden.

"Oh little light, all you ever have to do is ask and it is yours if it is mine to give." He said then. He took her hand from where she was stroking his hair and brought it to his lips. "Can I sleep here tonight?" He whispered.

"Yes." She whispered back, pulling him closer then, hitching a leg up around his hips as she felt the emotions from the day fade away in their embrace. They fell asleep like that, holding onto one another, afraid to let go that night.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren took his meditations by himself the next day, standing at ease in the predawn of Rutan. The sand shifted below his feet as he moved through the motions of the morning exercises and it did nothing to quell what he was feeling. Yesterday Rey had pushed him to an uncomfortable place both in their relationship and with keeping the spies from the First Order alive. It was the first time he'd been held back the bloodlust that the dark side had fostered in him over the years and it settled against his skin uncomfortably as he woke for the day, abandoning Rey in her cot to try to remove the feeling.

He had known the entire time that she would bring balance to his life and yet he didn't realize what that would look like or more importantly how it would feel. At first having her on base was exhilarating and trying all in the same moment, knowing that she would be overseeing his every movement, his every decision. And when it came down to it he was glad she was there, to stop his decline into madness. At least half of him was happy about it, the other half that he had embraced for the last decade was furious that the two spies were alive and breathing and could give away who they were and what they were doing. It was that half that made the decision to visit the two in the room Targen had shown Rey the day before.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey found Kylo sitting on the ground outside of the room the prisoners were being held in a few hours later. His head was down and she feared the worst as she unlocked and pried open the door to find the two speaking quietly in the corner together. Sighing in relief she closed the door again and locked it.

"We need a plan for them" He said blandly.

"Yes. I'm working on it." She stood over him then, watching the torment clear on his features.

_This isn't safe. I can't keep this mission safe with them here._  The thought came across hers as he plead with his eyes for her to figure out the solution he'd come to was the only viable one. Shaking her head Rey knelt down in front of him.  _I can't keep you safe._  The thought barely whispered across hers.

"You know I can protect myself." She shifted her staff next to her and placed both of her hands on his knees. "You know that."

"It doesn't make the protective side of me go away." He admitted.

"What would you like to do with the prisoners?" She asks shaking his legs a bit. "Besides kill them."

"Rey I've never kept prisoners alive."

"You kept me alive." She mentioned. "Poe was kept alive."

"That was for strategic purposes."

"Well so is this. The offensive is just days off. We can hold them until then and once everything is in motion, put them on a ship and dump them somewhere." She shifted her legs a bit, looking into his eyes. "Why did you come down here?" She asked.

"You know why." His tone was closed and dark, indicating that he still wished to kill the two.

"And what if we had done that to you and the Rens when you were captured? What if we had sentenced you to death?" She shoved herself to a standing position using his knees as leverage. "You are going to have to figure out how to let people live. Once this new demarchy is set up; killing will be a punishable offense."

"I know." He nodded then looking up at her. "It's why they're still alive." He looked away then, disgusted with himself then. He felt so weak. "I know I'm making something I cannot live in. A world that will never be mine." He looked back at her then; the light from his eyes was missing. He seemed hollow and numb as he realized what he was doing wouldn't be within his reach.

Rey reached for his face, then; to offer comfort, to let him know he wasn't alone. She knelt between his legs again the brief moment of anger gone as he stretched out on the floor and he broke. It wasn't that the emotions were overt or particularly marked by anyone who didn't know the Ren but to Rey it was a moment of shattering; a moment he might not ever recover from and she broke with him. She'd felt the same way numerous times since she'd left Jakku: watching Han die, the first fight with Kylo, when Finn lay in the sickbay in a coma, realizing that her parents were truly gone, any number of times. Yet it was as through the shattering she had become who she was, so while she felt for him she knew it was what he needed at that moment.

Leaning forward she wrapped her arms around his shoulders then and pressed herself against him as she opened her mind to him, letting him feel that she was there with him even if he never touched the connection they had in that moment. Pressing her to him, his hands dug into the soft cloth of her shirt as he balled his fists trying desperately not to lose the little composure he had left. He felt lost and alone and yet kept and caught from completely obliterating himself into the galaxy as he was so oft to do without her reassuring presence. It was a singular moment for Kylo as he sat and felt the love instead of feeling like he wanted to murder someone.

Rey felt the others begin to move away from early morning meditation and she pulled away then standing, offering her hand to Kylo then. He looked up at her, still lost but finding an anchor in her. Setting his sights on her face he rose without her assistance as he felt the press of the others that would pour into the room within seconds and he felt sustained by her in a way that he hadn't felt in years or maybe ever if he was honest with himself. He had felt that she was saving him over the months, mostly from himself but in that moment he felt her saving him from everything, from everyone, from the galaxy to his own brethren who would tear him apart for his perceived weaknesses and he was thankful that she was within her right mind to pull him out of his stupor.

"Maybe not right now, not this second, but you will feel better. It will get better." Rey stepped back then. As he watched her retreat he wondered how he had ever come to deserve her, as if he needed to deserve something so wonderful.

_Because we all deserve someone to look at us like the sunrise is imminent or that they are the reason we exist._  Rey's thought cut across his; clearly his expressions were giving him away. Slowly he reached to cover his face then, knowing that she could read him with or without the cloth covering his face and was ever thankful for that.

_Still not sure I will ever deserve you_ , his thought came then, slowly and honestly. He knew she was there because he was there. Without him, she would likely be happy with the Traitor or any other number of persons within the Resistance.

_By being here, standing against the darkness on your own, you deserve anything you want._  Her thoughts followed his wanting to express how she was feeling in that moment.

"Someday I'll believe you." His voice came out as it always did, ladened with emotion and almost catching in his throat yet not quite, reverberating through the air around them.

"Good." She said.

 


	17. Disband

"Red leader, you have your orders?' General Organa asked as she finished up addressing the Resistance then. Red leader nodded and rushed off to complete a task they needed to do before they went out in their x-wings, knowing how crucial the mission was to the fleet.

"General Organa?" Poe stood at attention behind the General.

"Yes Black Leader." She turned to him then.

"We've located the spies you requested that we bring to you." He turned over the holo report.

General Organa looked at the report, wondering what the Knights were up to leaving their spies in place after the treaty was signed. Sighing loudly she thanked Poe and dismissed him. Marching into the CIC she asked that the Knights be pulled up on the main viewer. After a few minutes Kylo and Ka, flanked by Rey, stood in front of the viewer waiting on the General to speak.

"We have located your spies dear  _son_." She spat out, her tone and steely gaze centered on Kylo.

"As we knew you would." He stood unmoving. It had been years since his mother's wrath could instill shiftlessness in his body. And besides between when he was a child and now Snoke had intimidated him to the point of manipulation and coercion. "We would not have left them there if we believed that they would not be found. You would not trust if I told you about them would you? You would have continued to search for my spies?" He asked, his eyes not wavering from his mother's.

Huffing slightly the General pursed her lips, realizing that he was right; she had been looking for his spies since Rey and the Falcon's first return from Rutan. It had bothered her that he had been so open and yet had kept parts of himself from her.

"Rey?" The General prompted.

"Sir?" She asked stepping in front of the Rens.

"What do you think?" She offered, knowing that she was playing Rey against Kylo if it came down to it.

Rey paused a moment, worrying her lip before responding, not bothering to look back at the Rens. "Sir, it seems like a divisive move against us." Rey stood taller knowing that between the prisoners that were hers to manage and what she'd just said, it was likely she and Kylo would have one hell of a row, even after she'd just been comforting him that he deserved her: he also deserved her honesty and her thoughts. Rey's thought moved to understand that she had just pitted herself against Organa: if the General agreed with Rey then they would be one against Kylo, if she sided with Kylo then it stood to drive a wedge between the two lovers.

Kylo cocked his head to the side considering all options as his mother hurled insults in his direction, knowing that they were in fact true: he'd left his spied in place even after Rey had brought the treaty to the group.

"Rey, I appreciate what you see but I feel that it was a mistake, one set in motion months before and not acted upon. We will release the spies to the Knights of Ren at their earliest convenience." The General said nodding, understanding that for some reason Rey seemed to be sacrificing herself so that she and Kylo could maintain their partnership.

"As you wish _mother_." Kylo said bowing slightly as he motioned to end the conversation. "Ambassador, with me." He moved towards the outer doors wondering just what had happened. Had he been betrayed by either of them or was this a show?

Rey shuffled along next to the tall knight, realizing that her plot might not have been thoroughly thought through and wondered how she would manage to get herself out of the predicament she had created. She continued walking a while until she knew that they wouldn't be heard by any of the Rens. She turned then to look at the man she'd come to love and saw confusion, conflict, and resolve.

"You believe we're moving against you?"

"Why didn't you tell us about your own spies when you dispersed the Knights to see where the spies of the First Order were hiding?" Rey countered.

"Answer my question first." He ground his teeth and waited a handful of heartbeats before adding. "Please."

"No I don't believe you're moving against us." Rey said curtly. "I still don't understand why you would leave the spies in place."

"Must we fight about everything?" He spat out, circling her then. Rey stopped turning towards him, sitting down to meditate, to call the Force to her then.

"Kylo, I love you. I still believe that leaving the spies in place was a bad move. It proved that you do not wholly believe that the Resistance had accepted you." She stared out into the night as the sun set. Kylo sat next to her then, allowing the Force to swirl around them both, not taking not giving.

After a long pause Kylo mumbled, "Maybe you're right little light. Maybe I should have pulled them as a sign of good will. And yet I didn't. What is to be done now?"

"Your mother has already moved past the indiscretion." Rey moved to stand, finished with her meditations.

"And yet you're still furious with me." He stated as he stayed seated.

"No, just annoyed. Furious is what you felt when I discovered the Knights on Rutan." She commented then, slinging her staff across her back. "It will pass." She reassured him then.

"Until tomorrow then." He rose and moved towards her bending to kiss her briefly before moving off to join the Knights in the mess hall.

 

* * *

 

Plans were unfolding across the Galaxy and Kylo could feel it coming together as he stood late one night months later, staring at the light board with the ship's movements marked across the fleet. Reconnaissance put the First Order in the Dagobah system and the Resistance just starting their runs in the two sectors his mother had selected. Unbenounced to most of the others in attendance at the League of Rutan signing, there was a third strike being sent to one of the Core planets later that morning.

Kylo stood unmasked, barefoot, in only one of his thin shirts, and pants, with his hands folded behind his back, Rey noticed as she approached. She could see the outline of his body through the shirt as the light shone from the board. She'd woken in the night, feeling something was off and noticed the light coming from the makeshift CIC from her room and had decided to join Kylo as he stared at the board.

"Can't sleep?" She asked coming to stand next to him.

"Never on the eve of battle."

"All contingencies have been seen to?" She motioned to the board.

"As far as I can see. Tell me where you see the problems arising." The rumble of his voice carried in the still space. He looked at her then not as the woman he'd shared a bed with but as his apprentice and maybe his teacher all in one. Rey pursed her lips looking at the configurations of the fleets.

"This one is too close to a hyperlane." She motioned to the third mission.

"That is the point." He said. "Quick in and out."

"Yes but it gives them an easy way to call in reinforcements."

"True." He moved another ship to the area.

"What is the point of that one?" She asked wondering if even she had enough clearance.

"Intelligence. Smash and grab. Don't worry, it will be Poe and black squadron. They're fully capable."

"Ok, then there is this one." She pointed to Er'Kit. "There is a militia within a parsec of there that could easily be bought by the First Order."

"They're almost broke." He said then.

"The First Order is? Are you serious?"

"Yes." He looked sidelong at her then.

"Then there is always the possibility that we're walking into traps carefully laid by the First Order. How did the interrogations go? How many spies were found?"

"Three. They were allowed to escape with false information."

"How do you know?"

"Because only myself and General Organa know the actual locations of the attacks. These aren't even in the correct place." He pressed a button on the light screen and the stars moved. Rey frowned. "And now you know where the real attacks will be played out." He stood back from the screen looking at their true targets.

"Then why have me strategize about the other locations?"

"To see how believable they were. Now what is wrong with these?" He motioned to the new board. Rey squinted at it. The changes were subtle: the intelligence was still in the Core planets but across the Core by at least two or three parsecs.

"Better." She stood further back and imagining how everything would be playing out. "This one is a good length away from where they think we'll be attacking. It is a stronger position and not quite as close to the hyperlane. And these two are far enough away that it would take almost a full day to get reinforcements. Where will the rest of the First Order fleets be stationed right now?"

"You're looking at it. They're down to 36 destroyers. No more than two or three are together at one time."

Rey thought about that for a moment, wondering how they thought they'd control the galaxy with so few vessels. It was clear that an end was in sight, either for the First Order or for everyone else involved. It seemed like something that should be a joyous occasion, instead it felt bogged down with logistics.

"Do the rest of the Knights know who I am? That I am the last of the Rens?" She asked as they continued to stare at the battle plan.

"No." Kylo said quietly.

"Why haven't you told them?" She asked moving to stand in front of him. He looked down at her then, squinting against the light from the board and sighed.

"They would follow you."

"Afraid to give up your power?" She asked tersely.

"No. Afraid that you don't know where to lead them." He answered honestly.

"And you do? What happens after all this, if the plan works and we set up a new Senate? What will you and the Rens do then?" Rey could feel her temper rising.

"Disband." He said simply as if it was the only thing that made sense.

"What?" She asked trying to picture Kylo Ren going about his business as a banker or farmer, the anger from her argument completely gone.

"I am not installing myself as a new Chancellor or leader. For the demarchy idea to work no one can stay in power, so even if I serve on the senate once, I will never again serve."

Rey stood in shock allowing the feeling to wash over her. She  _had_  gotten to him. The dark side only wanted to reach for power, but here he was telling her that his ultimate plan was to leave the galaxy in peace once they were finished. Not even offering to patrol the galaxy. "What will you do then?" She asked quietly.

"I have no idea." He breathed, voicing finally what he feared the most: the unknown. "My skill set isn't particularly suited for much. It is likely that my banishment will remain in full effect. Otherwise I will have to answer for war crimes."

Rey pondered what he was saying and gave a thought to her future. All the times she'd sat on Jakku, watching the ships break orbit, all she had wanted to do was join the Resistance, never truly understanding that the ultimate goal, if achieved, would mean the Resistance was no longer needed. Crossing her arms in front of her, she frowned deeply wondering what she would do. Clearly rebuilding the Jedi was against what she felt, especially since at the moment she and the Knights of Ren were in balance with the Force: neither all good or all bad.

Maybe it wasn't the worst idea to have them disband. Rey's thoughts began to speed into the future, and she watched in her mind's eye as small factions of Knight of Ren popped up all over the galaxy and they would want power.

"Before we disband, we should all take an oath not to form a new faction as we spread throughout the galaxy." Kylo just nodded, feeling alone as he stood there with her, neither of them reaching for each other as they realized that today was the beginning of the end, that their ultimate goal was within reach.

"Will you stay with me, wherever I end up or wherever you end up?" She asked.  "Before we disband, we should all take an oath not to form a new faction as we spread throughout the galaxy." Kylo just nodded, feeling alone as he stood there with her, neither of them reaching for each other as they realized that today was the beginning of the end, that their ultimate goal was within reach. "Will you stay with me, wherever I end up or wherever you end up?" She asked then reaching a hand out.

"Try and stop me." He took her hand and bringing it to his chest, feeling his heart expand further than he ever thought was possible as he committed himself to them, to their future life, whatever that looked like.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Thanks for reading! There is a slim chance there will be a sequel....and it will likely go down the Reylux path, so.... :-D


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